I think I went too far but it’s too beautiful here to turn back

we're all just trying to be true to the muses

to prove we're not useless

to anticipate the next rhyme

we tap out feet in time

with the melodies we cannot comprehend

until it's on repeat in our heads

we are grounded and floating

wandering through the gardens of our minds

swimming through the oceans of our souls

when will the maps show

there are so many more

than seven seas

for each of us has

an ecosystem blooming and dying each day and each night

we are breathing putrid air but. it's been filtered through our throats and come out a little sweeter

and sometimes I think it's worth it simply to see the trees grow

I have counted my blessings

I have added up my sins

I've divided and multiplied

but it all came out fractions

my mind has never been healthy

I came out squalling with the horror of it all

I've turned pages in search of my own heart but not even old books smell as good as cigarettes embedded in my father's coat and I'm suffocating on pleasure

it isn't the pressure anymore it's the lack thereof

I've become accustomed to your breath on my neck but I remember my gasp when I first felt it there

and sometimes I'm scared

because you never knew me when my skin was bare

and I wonder if it's the scars that make me beautiful to you

I'm a bullseye

a bullet hole

from when it hit me

I'm more grateful for the exhale than in

when did I begin

to pick at it

I don't remember

the before

but I know it was there

how do you erase

this