Don’t Blink

I can’t pinpoint exactly

the moment it changed, when

the parties became TOO often, the

thrill of trying new things

too frequent, too repetitive

It was like I blinked and

suddenly you could not sleep nor wake without

A bottle, a pinprick… Many forms, yet

Frenzied you did things

Things you would never have done, while

Friends pleaded, families cried

Again and again

I wonder if you begged yourself near the end

While eyes yellowed, veins blew

Doctors warned you,

you knew what would become of it

Yet you could not stop

the fix was worth everything

even your life

I know some of you

tried, and the system failed you

But you’re still in the ground, and

too many days I look at the small circle of hearts

tattooed on my ankle,

naming each, in turn, memories...

I remember the sinking feeling

when I realized the irony at the last memorial -

Your awful taste in music blasting,

quoted you and took a shot, as it burned

so did the pit of my stomach, for

It was exactly what you would have wanted, and

in the same what killed you

Too many days I fear to ask myself

Who will be next?