Shaky Hands

I watch him in the morning and his hands shake as he brews his first pot of coffee. There will be two pots, every day. About halfway through the first pot, his hands stop shaking. And halfway through the second pot, they start shaking again, providing an easy excuse as to why they started shaking in the first place. Too much caffeine. I have a busy day at work.

When he arrives home, the first thing he does is crack a beer. It doesn’t matter if we are walking out the door in two minutes, he will start that beer. If we go to friends, he drinks to be social. If we go sailing, he drinks to relax. If we go to dinner, he drinks to make it special.

If we stay home, one beer turns into two, three and four. Then come the rum nightcaps – one, two and maybe three. When we finally settle in to watch a little TV, he is sound asleep within 15 minutes, his head tipped, appearing to break his neck. And of course, he is snoring that loud resonating snore of a drunk.

Yet he is up the next morning, bright and early, ready for the day, with no evidence of the alcohol abuse from the night before. No headache. No hangover. Nothing but the shake of his hands.

I ask myself – Can someone this functional be an alcoholic? Is he an addict or just someone who enjoys drinking as he claims? And most importantly, I ask – Should I just ignore it?

He is a joy to be with, drinking or otherwise. He grabs life with gusto and we have so much fun. Our life together is wonderful and the envy of all we know. Should I make trouble by bringing this up at all?

He took a stay-cation and one day I left to have lunch with friends. When I came home it was obvious he started on Beer 1 hours before and was probably on about Beer 4 or 5 or maybe 6. The truth was never to be revealed. Granted it was a vacation day but he had a drink in his hand for the next 11 hours. Push had come to shove and I had to say something.

The discussion did not go well. On hindsight I did everything wrong when confronting someone with an addiction. I accused, I called him an alcoholic and I ruined his vacation.

But somehow my words sunk in. It’s been a few weeks and he drinks but not nearly like he did. Just last night, we were discussing another health issue and I mentioned that for what it’s worth, his hands weren’t as shaky. And his immediate answer: Yeah, but I still drink too much.

Step one: Admitting you have a problem.