Breakfast

I placed my feet upon the gelid wooden floors; slightly flinching before placing them back and standing to my feet. The air greeted my unarmed skin with prickled kisses. I pick up my shirt and slip into it before head downstairs. There you are.

"Morning." I whisper. 

"Morning, I made you breakfast." You say before I could get into the kitchen.

I pull out one of the wooden chairs and sit next to you. You slide the plate across the table, causing a soft sound to fill the air. I smile down at the food. 

"Did you already eat?" I ask as I pick up the fork.

"I'm not very much hungry." I frown at you; an over dramatized frown that causes you to laugh a bit. "What?" You say through the laughter.

"I don't want to eat if you're not eating."

You lightly roll your eyes at me as you get up and walk to the kitchen. I watched as you come back with a fork of your own. "Aren't you sweet." You joke. 

I smile as we both begin to eat. The food is warm and the waffles are perfect. You always knew how to make them the perfect way I liked them. You pick at the eggs; not liking cinnamon in your waffles as I do. 

"Thank you." I say softly. 

"It's my job to keep you happy." You say. "You didn't seem okay last night and I just wanted to see if I could changed that today."

I should have known you would have noticed. You were always knew how to read my emotions even when my mother couldn't. I sighed softly. "Wasn't the best o days." I say as I finish up the waffle. 

"What happened?" You ask. Your eyes moving up to meet mine.

"I kinda don't wanna talk about it." 

You frown and then nod. "I guess that's okay." You say more to yourself than to me. 

I sigh as the guilt begins to pierce my heart. I want to tell you, I really do, but I don't wanna lose you. You mean the world to me and I'd hate myself forever if you were to ever leave me. I can't help myself and make myself a suspect. "You know I love you," I pause. "Right?"

You looked at me with loving and confused eyes. "Yes, I know." You say. 

I bite down on my lower lip and then look down at the table. I get lost in my thoughts. I am unsure if I should tell you the truth or allow it to consume me. 

"Hey," I look at you. "What's wrong?"

"I cheated on you yesterday." There it was. A bombshell I could never take back. "I was really depressed because of everything." You stare at me now with cold eyes. I could tell you felt betrayal and it brakes my heart. "You know how I get, I just stared crying and I just wanted to numb the pain and not suffer through it and so I did that the best and only way I knew how." You are silent and I can't read your face. You stay with those emotionless eyes and stare at me. "I went to my old drug dealer and they said they were going to give them to me for free because they miss me."

After what seems like an eternity of silence you speak. "You mean the drug dealer that wants to have sex with you?"

I fell silent for a moment. "I had no where else to go."

"You could've come home!" I can read you now. Anger. "You could've cried to me! Yelled at me! Vented to me!"You stand up and start speaking with your arms waving in the air. "You know I'm here for you, you never have to go to some drug dealer that gives you free drugs to get into your pants and fall for it!"

I fall silent now. My eyes tear up. It always made me feel weak to cry, but I cried so easily. You were upset and now it felt as if you were calling me things you didn't mean to call me. I'm not sure. I look down at the table as I talk now. "I love you, and I understand that you're upset, but-"

"What the hell is love to you?" You spit the words at me. My heart sinks. "Love is trust and a strong foundation. I loved that you were willing to give up all that bull with drugs and alcohol for me. I love that you have such a  sweet smile and that you trust me. I love that your personality is the opposite of mine. I love you, and I would never do anything to make you feel as if I don't." You nod your head and lightly wipe my tears away the way you always do when you were trying to make me happy. "Don't worry." You whisper. "I'll get out of your hair and leave you to be with whoever the hell you want. Because I will not allow you to break my heart like this ever again." 

"No!" I yelled as you pick up your coat and head towards the door. "I don't want to be without you!" I yell after you.

"I don't wanna be without you either." You say as you open the front door. "But you've left me no other option."

"If you leave I'll die!" 

"You'll be fine." You say. 

Your words; they sting and I become deeply desperate. "If you leave I'll kill myself."

You pause in your tracks and look at me from your car. "Don't play like that." You say.

"I'll cut your name into my body a thousand times until I  bleed out or can't handle the pain and just hang myself."

You burst into tears and slowly make your way back into the house. You know my history. You know me. You know I don't make empty threats.