Today the devil came for me

Interrupting my morning coffee.

He had my name on a little clipboard

That he'd stolen from the Lord.

I'd been expecting him for a while

I was surprised, lateness wasn't his style.

He asked me if I knew my crime

I said yes, and it was about time

I'd sold my soul so many years past

Back when I thought that day would be my last

When I was sitting in that electric chair

Static blazing through my hair.

I made him a deal, I said Satan, man,

If you let me live, I'll do what I can

To make hell on Earth for you,

To make a sweet and bloody stew

Out of every person I can entice

Into my basement, done up oh so nice

With chains and knives and saws and things

I'll string them up on shiny rings.

Just look at what I've done, my King,

I have given everything

To make you proud, to make you smile,

I have been positively vile.

I told him all that I had done,

Every murder, bleached bones in lying the sun,

And as he listened to my confession,

He wore the most interesting expression.

After I was done he slowly said,

As though he was speaking from the dead,

"I've been giving it a lot of thought,

And I've been thinking that I ought

To retire soon, I'm getting bored,

Of stealing souls that have murdered or whored,

I'm looking for a little rest,

To put someone else up to the test.

I think you'd be the perfect match,

To follow in my footsteps and snatch

Every unfortunate little sinner

Who eats temptation for his dinner.

So what do you say, will you give it a chance?

Will you do the devil's dance?"

He looked at me and I thought for a bit,

I kind of liked the sound of it.

I stood up and put forth my hand,

To show him I did understand.

Said I, "I'll make a deal and cross my heart.

Just let me loose and tell me where to start."