The Nicotine.

He was sitting in his rocking chair when his two little prankster nephews came running towards him. He smiled at them, a smile that barely concealed its agony. He had promised her, his first wife, that not even a turn of tide could make him reveal the burden he carried in his chest. But today, disappearing to the realm of his imagination had make him think twice about the promise that had its purpose years back. It wasn't easy, oh yes it bloody wasn't but he had to. He had to keep the promise.

This happened 8 years back. Susan had warned him, he remembered. She had tried all she could. But he was under nicotine. And who bloody understands anything then, he assured himself. She had even warned him that she would leave HIS house. Oh how could she say that, he loved her. He loved her so bad. NO, she had answered, NO YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU WOULD NEVER DO THIS IF YOU EVER LOVED ANYONE. It all made sense to him now. If he had actually loved a woman he wouldn't have thought about harming any other woman. But that woman was different.Her husband bloody didn't trade me nicotine anymore. I promised him i would pay him soon, he could have said 'okay i will give you one more week's time' Yes one more week was all he wanted. But NO the drug trader did not say that. Aha but foolish drug trader loved his wife very dearly. Yes yes just like i love mine. But i didn't say NO to someone who wanted nicotine, so nothing can happen to my wife. He had thought.

Nothing should have happened!!! he cried with his hands supporting his forehead. 

By now his present family was almost accustomed to this scene. His mother, still worried about how the rehab couldn't actually help him out of his misery had gone to the nearby psychiatrist to discuss the issue. But it seriously wasn't necessary. He would be gone by the time she returned. He was sure his boys would have by now run inside the house. They loved their uncle, just like their uncle loved Susan but they were scared whenever their uncle cried. It scared them .

8 years back , he had caused a rout. No he didnt. He knew he didn't .It was the bloody nicotine. Susan knew it too. That's why she always told him to stop it. But blimey! how can you tell me to stop it? Have you lost your mind?

Susan was right. She was always right. How he wished he had listened to her . The chaos he had caused had brought him sins. That night, because of him died three beautiful souls. NO I WOULD NEVER KILL SUSAN he cried. But why had she come in between! She should have stayed where i locked her up. In OUR house. He explained when the police came.

The police should have killed me then and there. Why had they sent me to a rehab first. It would have hurt me less when i was under drugs. Why had they sent me to a special rehab, where i could speak to no one. With so many people to take care of me, people who didn't even stop following me when i went to pee . Maybe Susan didn't forgive me afterall.

 She had promised him not to tell anyone. She only knew very well how much more it tore when you wear dying from the inside. Yes, again Susan was right. Like she always was. He deserved this fate. His hands again supported his head. He cried again.

He heard the jeep and footsteps hence. He wiped his tears. He was ready. His mother hadn't returned. His sister didn't cry. But his nephews, oh they kissed him. He smiled at them, this time a genuine happy smile. He knew what he did was always wrong. He had to go join his wife , to ask her forgiveness. Oh, she had to forgive him. He thought. 

He Hoped.