Not so good. I woke up at noon, and had two bowls of cinnamon toast crunch (extremely sweet, but not too bad) and couldn't get a clear head for the majority of the afternoon. I had a headache, and I had such an odd nauseated feeling in my stomach that I honestly couldn't tell if I was hungry or not. I've had this problem pre-covid, but I think this time it was just because I felt terrible overall. I had chills, too, though no fever (yet). My temperature was actually a little low for what it usually is, but then again I took it when I just woke up.

Tomorrow is Monday, meaning I have a single online class that I need to attend to (psychology). This is great because I need to do something. I don't know if I have the brain power to actually understand whats going on, but at least I'll get a bit of a workout. I've been feeling more stir crazy. My room is feeling smaller and smaller, but I can't imagine what it would be like in my original dorm, which is close to half the size. I kept looking out the window at people walking around. I don't get much sunshine here, and part of me wonders if that's part of the problem. Why my sleeping schedule is so messed up. why I feel anxious and like I'm pacing a cage. I feel almost dizzy/light headed and I wonder if its because I haven't been taking my iron.

Today was actually a pretty good day. Once again, I woke up at 7, ate breakfast then went back to bed, only to wake up again at noon.

When I was still half asleep at noon, contemplating whether or not it was worth it to get up to do nothing, I head a couple of people yelling outside, some 10-20 feet away. It took me a while to realize that they were yelling my name, and that I knew their voices. I pulled aside the blinds, and as I blinked groggily in the sunlight, I see my brother and two of my uncles standing with their backs towards my window, looking for me. I rapidly tapped on the glass before they walked any further away. It was great to see them! We talked about everything and nothing- how I was feeling, what had been going on, what college was like for us- and the like. We joked about doing a jailbreak. They stuck little items they found outside to my window (two ferns, a golf tee, and a blue guitar pick), and told me to call them if I needed anything like moral support. One of them gave me their HBO account, so I could watch all of the Studio Ghibli movies :) My voice was cracking and sounded hoarser than I had ever heard it. I think it was because I hadn't spoken for 2+ days.

After they left, I settled down to watch a movie that I had been wanting to watch for a while, but never had the chance to- Kiki's Delivery Service. I really enjoyed it! I related to the protagonist a lot.

I knew they would likely visit again before they left to go back home, but after 8pm came and went, I sort of lost hope. luckily, they didn't disappoint. In fact, they brought me a burger and fries! Not just any cheap food either. We were able to pry open the screen wide enough to slide the box of food through. It was the best stuff I had in a while. I was in good spirits for the rest of the night, and slept well.

Preface: Today I tested positive for covid. In order to keep my sanity, I’ve decided to write each day because I have no idea how long I’ll be in quarantine. They told me it’ll be anywhere from 3-14 days, but realistically things are leaning towards the later. This writing is also going to be largely unedited, so I’m sorry for any typos!

A day ago I had gotten an email saying that in one of my classes (not sure which one, that’s confidential) one of my classmates (not sure who, once again, that’s confidential) had tested positive for the dreaded Covid-19 and that It was highly encouraged that I get a test myself, just to be safe.

So today I headed down to the sparsely furnitured room. There were 6 tables all together, each with a small testing kit on each far end. I had never taken a test before, so one of the workers walked me through it. Stick a cotton swab up the nose, rotate 3 times, and repeat in the other nostril. Swirl the swab into some sort of clear liquid in a vile, drip three drops on the test and wait 10 minutes. Sure enough, within 5 minutes a faint blue line appeared on mine (indicating positive). My heart sank a bit, but it was so pale that the worker deemed it “inconclusive” and sent me to a different office to get a more sophisticated test done but to treat me as positive, just to be safe. I later learned that they took my test to someone else, and they confirmed that I was positive.

This test was a little bit different. This worker had a longer swab, and had to do the test for me. She stuck it much further up and had to rotate it 10 times. The feeling was unlike anything I had felt before- she prodded into a crevice I didn’t even know existed, and drew out a feeling akin to a sneeze that just wouldn’t come. The moment she removed it, a flood of mucus dripped down my throat. “The test result will come back anywhere from 3 to 10 days, but honestly that’s a generous estimate,” She informed me. I would have to quarantine in an isolation room till then.

I marveled internally as I headed back to my dorm to begin gathering my stuff about how quickly one can become ‘other’. People with Covid had sort of always been ‘other’ to me. Numbers were just that-- numbers. I never knew anyone who died because of Covid, or even officially gotten diagnosed. There was only one case where they thought they might have gotten it at one point, “but then again”, they said. “It might have just been a cold.”

A couple of hours later, I got my key and instructions on how to get to my new room. I ended up packing two bags. One with my clothes, toiletries, and similar items, and one with all of my school supplies. I actually ended up getting my laundry basket to carry the last and more bulkier of items- my bedding and shower supplies. The room itself was nice for the most part. The main room was much larger than my regular dorm. It has two twin sized beds, one fitted with sheets, a thin blanket, and a surprisingly comfortable pillow. It also has a higher ceiling, and bigger space in general. two oak desks sat in the corner with matching chairs, and odd cabinets reached to the ceiling with cupboards that I couldn’t reach, even with aforementioned chairs. I was also happy to see that my room also included a microwave and a mini fridge! The best thing by far, however, was the bathroom. In my other dorm there was a community bathroom that often had at least one other person showering. Here, however, the shower was much larger and the shower head had different settings. The water pressure was still a little weak, but that’s to be expected. There are a couple of other downsides as well. For one, I’m at ground level just by the sidewalk so I can’t open the windows if I want any privacy. And the other main thing is that the walls are very thin here. If I try hard enough, I can hear what other people are saying on either side and above me. I’m beginning to appreciate how lucky I was living on the top floor.

Already I’ve settled in some. My things are strewn across the striped carpet (I’ll pick it up tomorrow. It’ll give me something to do). I put away the food that was delivered to my door into the fridge and shelf. I had a mushroom sandwich with mustard, lettuce and tomato for dinner along with chips and pineapple juice. I miss being able to choose my meals already. I took a nice long shower. The constant sounds of people talking, walking, and driving by are slowly becoming background noise. The fridge’s inconsistent humming is a bit harder to get used to though.

I emailed my professors and rowing coach to let them know what’s going on. While I’ve only heard from one so far, they’ve been incredibly supportive. Coach let me know that I shouldn’t feel guilty and that it wasn’t my fault, which was very nice to hear. I was supposed to race in a couple of days but now I won’t be able to. The season ends soon and I am very disappointed that I won’t be able to participate in any races this time around. It was supposed to be my first one too! My teammates will do great, I’m sure of it.

I think writing will keep me sane. It’s like cleaning up a dirty room- or at the very least, moving all the mess somewhere else for someone else to deal with. I plan to write every day I’m here (however long that is) just as some sort of record.

To be honest, I mostly slept. I woke up around 7, but fell back asleep until 12.

It was like the moment I accepted I was sick, my body let in a flood of symptoms that either it was holding back, or that I was in denial about. My throat was coated in phlegm, and I had a headache that lasted most of the day. Although I didn't have a feaver, I had a constant chill that might have just been the result of the poor heating.

Really, the only thing I'm worried about is garbage. I try to wash the extra food left over to minimize any smell, but theres stuff that I can't wash out. I also don't have any cleanign supplies (not even hand soap!) except for a spray bottle of pure isopropyl alchohol and bath soap.

I also had a food delivery around 1, which I wasn't expecting until sunday or monday. I struggled to fit everything into the fridge, but I'm glad I managed it because otherwise some of the food would have gone bad. Most of the food was fine, except for a bottle of orange juce that expired in January. Part of me wonders if it would still be good to drink, but its a dull orange/brown color with chunks sitting at the bottom. So, probably not.

Breakfast around 7: cinnamon cheerios and milk.

Lunch around 3: mac and cheese with tofu that had some sort of... barbeque sauce poured over it? I didn't really like the tofu, but the pasta wasn't half bad.

Snack: blue berry yogart that somehow tasted of alcohol.

Dinner at 7: grilled cheese reheated in a microwave- the bread turned soggy yet chewy. It was still pretty good compared to some other food I've had. There was also pasta salad with regular salad on the side.

Already I can feel the cabin fever setting in. I still don't feel comfortable opening the blinds, but I did prop the window open for a bit. I've heard from most of my teachers now, but its hard to find the motivation to respond. I still haven't heard from the one I'm the most worried about. She only gave us 3 days to be absent efore she starts taking away points from our grades, which I thought was foolish since we are still in the middle of a pandemic. I wonder how she's feeling about it now.

The lake is picturesque. Red earth and bright greens and yellows of flowers are painted into existence as if the artist skimmed their palet knife over canvas, letting the pigments catch on the weave of the cloth before curving it perfectly into the dimpled water. Clouds, a saturated blue but highlighted with pure white, hangs heavy over the forest. Fog creeps from between the trees like a gentle animal to lap at the shore. Everything is still. Even the lumber mill with the rusted roof and white sides is quiet today.

#microfiction #journal

"Don't worry, Meda. We'll rest soon. Lets just make it to that rock, yeah?"

Layam panted heavily, her feet catching on every surface as she struggled to keep moving. Her legs burned, and the weight of the sack filled with essentials didn't help. But they couldn't stop. Not yet.

Layam glanced at her little sister trailing behind her. "How confused she must be, being stripped from the only home she ever knew. Hell, maybe she still didn't realize that they never would be going back. Maybe this was all an adventure to her."

"My feet hurt."

"I know, little lichen. Just- we just need to make it to the rock." Layam stopped to point it out, catching herself as the heaviness on her back threatened to send her tumbling down the mountain. "See it?"

Meda eyed the pillar of stone, still too many paces ahead of them. It was of red clay, with indented hand prints colored in with some kind of pigment. Something about it was too much. Meda threw herself down into the dust with a loud cry that threatened to turn into a scream.

Layam's heart threatened to burst out of her chest. It took her a second to leap into action, dropping the sack and planting her palm over the sobbing child's mouth. She caressed her hair frantically, whispered calming things in sheer desperation to stop her sisters cries. They were in danger now, and it was Layam's fault for letting this happen. Maybe they should have taken more breaks. Maybe they should have eaten more food, or drank more water. Maybe-

A branch snapped out of sight.

Meda stopped crying, eyes fearful.

Layam slowly stood up and reached for her knife. "Here's what we're going to do,"she murmured, not taking her eyes off of the dense forest. "I'm going to put you on my back, ok? And we are going to walk to that rock that I showed you. I'll put you down when we get there."

Meda didn't seem to hear. she was too busy clinging on to Layam's pants with her thumb in her mouth- something she rarely did.

Layam crouched down. "Hey, look at me. I need you to get on my back, and I promise you can have some maple sugar when we get to town. But we need to go now. "

She finally nodded, and clambered onto her back with some difficulty. still, Layam was grateful for the fact that she was lighter then the pack she had been carrying for so many miles.

The pack.

I forgot the pack.

Layam spun around to grab it, even though she knew that there would be no way to carry both her sister and it at the same time. It held their food, water, medicine, and whatever money they were able to scavenge, and everything else that was necessary to start a new life.

But there was only dirt where it should have been, with a perfect imprint of where it was-- as if it had been lifted straight into the heavens themselves.

There was no more time. Despite her burning muscles, Layam forced herself into motion. With Meda jolting with every step and her arms straining to hold her up, every little movement nearly sent her to her knees. Every branch that crackled behind them, real or imagined, was a warning. They had to make it. They had to. If they didn't, they would die.

#fantasy #fiction

The hot sun melts like wax over blue window panes.

As the day goes on, the honeyed light cools, hardens, and becomes tangible.

It feels like a memory in my hand--

bright, but forgettable.

#Poem #Poem #Microfiction

Don't forgive me when I'm gone

Keep your grudges as gold

Though eventually life will move on,

do unto my memory hold.

As much as I wish I could stay

It's not a realistic request

For life's debt is more than I can pay

And my bones ache for rest.

My eyes to become the flowers

My feet to become the thorns

My hands to still by the hour's

Rush to become the morn.

Do not weep for me instead

Stand at my grave with spite

Hate me for the life I had led

For I won't meet you in dawns light.

-Poem I heard in a dream

“No, no, no. You need to have your feet like this,” Lerah said as she nudged Kaybai’s foot with her own, so that his back foot was perpendicular to his front.

“But-”

“I said what I said.. I don’t care what those fools taught you. They gave you to me, and so I will teach you how to fight my way.”

Lerah walked around him, studying his pose. He heard her feet crossing the smooth stones behind him.

She hummed. “Bend your knees a little more.”

He wobbled as his aching feet struggled to learn the new position. Kaybai was certain that his feet would be black and blue by the next day.

Lerah rammed into his side, sending him careening into the ground. He was more surprised than hurt, but his hip throbbed where it hit the stone. Using one of the pillars, Kaybai pulled himself up to face his unimpressed mentor.

“You lost your center.”

He sighed, his face red and mouth pinched with embarressment. He picked himself up once more, and set himself in the stance that Lerah was trying to teach him. It felt odd and unnatural, and the old woman once again corrected his posture. He was more aware than ever of her presence. Kaybai waited for the strike that would inevitably come. He would be prepared this time.

Her ankle swept under his legs. He was on the ground, again, with the breath knocked out of him. He lay gasping and all that he could comprehend through the pain and embarrassment were the fractals carved in the temple ceiling. It was easy to get lost in the spirals. It took several minutes until Kaybai sat up again, but when he did, his mentor was waiting for him.

“I think we’ve done enough for now,” she said as she helped him to his feet.

Kaybai only nodded, avoiding Lerah’s eyes. The walk back to their shelter was steeped in tense silence, and the silence continued even after they ate. It was only when they were heading to their separate cots that Lerah spoke.

She cleared her throat. He heard the rustle of fabric as she suddenly began to fidget with her blanket. “You know, you did well today.”

He didn’t say anything in response. What was he supposed to say to that, anyway? Her words weren’t true. He failed to hold his ground against her.

Kaybai sat at the edge of his cot, watching her stoke the dying embers back into a fire in the metal stove. He mulled over her words he nodded off, watching her silhouette against the bright orange flames.

#fantasy #dungeonsanddragons #dnd