Today is the day I find out my life is a lie.

Of course, I had no idea of this to begin with. For me, it was just another day at the office; filing claims, processing cheques, replying to emails. Eight hours of tedium, made bearable only by the presence of Cynthia.

As far as I was concerned, Cynthia was the reason I existed. The sole purpose I had arrived on this planet was to make her smile, which I did with surprising ease. Whether it was the clown tie I occasionally wore, the silly quips I often made or my unique impression of Elvis, she was always quick to laugh along. Her eyes sparkled when she did and the sweet giggle she released melted my heart.

Yes, there was no doubt in my mind that Cynthia was the centre of my life. If only I could summon the courage to tell her. And perhaps tonight I would.

Today was Cynthia’s birthday. I won’t say which, for a gentleman never reveals a lady’s age, but it was one that demanded a bigger celebration than most. The whole office had been invited and, at five o’clock, we downed tools en masse and made our way to the elevator. The thirty of us crammed into the small cab and I was lucky enough to be next to Cynthia. She pressed against me, the scent of her coconut hair oil making my head swim.

After a short ride up, the lift doors opened onto Tito’s. Cynthia’s favourite club was packed with people, music thrumming through the floor. A young Tom Cruise lookalike stepped forward and guided us to a private bar where two other men, both also surprisingly Cruise-esque, spun and flipped bottles as they mixed drinks. All the while they flashed that charming Hollywood smile.

The DJ changed the music and Blondie’s Dreaming blared through the speakers.

‘I love this song,’ Cynthia shouted. Forgetting the drinks, she grabbed my hand and led me to the dancefloor. Lost in the crowd of moving figures, she placed her arms around my neck and gyrated to the music. She threw her hand back and sang along.

Cynthia did not have a good singing voice, but I did not care. As we moved together, I knew I was as happy as I could ever be. And I was determined to let her know how she made me feel.

‘I need to talk to you,’ I said.

‘I know,’ she answered with a smile. ‘Come with me.’

Pushing past even more Tom Cruise wannabes, we made our way to the fire exit, opened the door and climbed the metal steps to the rooftop. Moonlight washed her face with silver, glinted from the sheen of her nails. She ran to the edge of the roof and looked down at the ocean below. In the distance, liners cut through the sea as they carried passengers to destinations of their dreams.

I took her hand in mine and willed my racing heart to slow.

‘Cynthia,’ I mumbled. ‘You need to know…’

‘I do know,’ she shouted. ‘And I have to tell you-’

Her next words were lost under the blare of a liner’s horn. Unlike other foghorns I had heard, this was not one long dull tone but series of beats that sounded more like an alarm.

‘What did you say?’ I asked.

Leaning close, she pressed her mouth to my ear. I delighted at the touch of her warm breath on my cheek, but her voice raised the hairs on the back of my neck. No longer did she sound like the exuberant woman I had fallen for; instead, she spoke with the stilted voice of a robot.

‘It’s seven forty-five a.m. Time to rise and shine.’

The ocean liner continued its strange siren call, but the sea had disappeared in a whirling darkness which drew ever close. Soon nothing but the rooftop existed. I felt Cynthia being pulled away, lifted from the ground as the black vortex advanced toward us.

‘No,’ I cried. ‘Don’t leave me.’

I reached out my hands but Cynthia was swallowed by the maelstrom and

*

Cynthia grabbed her phone and silenced the alarm. Yawning, she rubbed sleep from her eyes.

‘Dancing on a rooftop with Tom Cruise?’ she slurred, only half-awake. ‘What a weird dream.’

I wish time would just slow down.

This day was never supposed to come. We weren't supposed to grow up this fast, because we could never be prepared for the things that happen next. Life was so much easier when all of us were younger and you were too. Life was never easy on you. You had that major accident too early in your life. But you powered through it, and you got better. You were never back to one hundred percent, but you tried your hardest to get as close as you could get. You did it for your wife, you did it for your kids, and you did it for us. It wasn't your time to go then, but it is now. Your fighting days are over, and all your strength has just been erased from you. I wish time would just slow down to the point where it would start to reverse; reverse and go back to those days when everything was good and we were all young. You always used to talk about the good old days, and we always thought that they were long long ago, not realizing how close they actually were.

I wish I could spend one more day with you.

One more sleepover, one more day helping you get the mail before work, one more Sunday morning with you in church. One more cookie that you would claim was a reject, one more game of Checkers, one more song that we would sing together, one more solution to all the problems that seemed to appear in my life. One more driving lesson, one more swimming lesson, one more holiday get together, one more song on the accordian, one more kiss goodbye. One more "hey doll," one more "I love you," one more Happy Birthday voicemail. And then with all of this colleciton of one mores, together we could have another whole lifetime of memories, that way I would never have to truly say goodbye.

I wish you didn't have to go.

I know that every day is a blessing. I know that there were times that we could have lost you years ago, and that these extra years with you have been a gift. I know that it's the circle of life, and I know that you're going somewhere better. I know that you'll see Jesus, and I know you'll be able to walk again. I know you'll still love me, and I know I'll never forget you. I know that you would love to stay, but I also know that you're ready to go. And even after knowing all of this, it doesn't make this any easier. We knew this day was coming, but it doesn't mean we wanted it too. I want to be selfish, and I want to keep you for as long as I can. But that's not how life works. And while you may not be here physically, I know that you'll always be with me, and that you'll always be watching over me making sure that I'm safe. And that even though you're not here, you're never truly gone.

I wish I didn't have to say goodbye.

So I won't. We'll say "until we meet again." Because we will see each other again. So... until we meet again Allen. Save me a spot next to you, friend. Go be one of Heaven's builders, and prepare the mansions for all who come next.

I love you grandpa. Always will.

I have found two things to be true in my life.

Number 1: People like to tell me things.

Number 2: I tend to be wrong… a lot.

I had a teacher tell me once that I was bright,

That I could understand things past the comprehension of others,

That I was on the fast track for a successful future –

I used to think that was true.

I was wrong…

it’s easy to be smart when you’re in a room full of idiots.

My mother tells me that I remind her of herself when she was my age,

That she was young and beautiful,

That she had style and spunk,

That our beings are more alike than not –

I used to be embarrassed of the similarities between us.

I was wrong…

my mother is a strong woman.

There was this boy who told me that I was beautiful,

Who told me he saw his whole world in my eyes,

Who told me that he loved me… that he loved me for me –

I used to think that wasn’t true.

I was wrong…

not everyone looks at me the way I do.

A man once told me he saw the ghost of my tears in my soul,

That he saw a knife wedged into my heart,

That he heard the deafening scream of my mind –

I used to think he was crazy.

I was wrong…

because I hear them now too.