Amber tossed her dark brown hair over shoulder, letting a laugh bubble over her lips. Slipping off her shoes she ran down the hill, slipping on the slick grass and tumbling the remainder of the distance. The day was warm, encompassing her in a comforting summer blanket. A familiar scent drifted on the breeze, toying with her senses as it reminded her of him. A tantalizing combination of earth and home that aroused painful memories; the key to the box she had tucked carefully at the front of her mind, hesitant to place it too far back. Void of the dust that covered many of the other boxes neatly stacked in her mind, this was because, unlike the other boxes, she couldn’t bring herself to discard it so easily; it was strung too close to her heart.

She closed her eyes, letting the fragrance that saturated her surroundings lure the memories from their hiding place. When she opened her eyes, the light blurring her vision slightly, she smiled.

“Roy?” The question came as a whisper when she spotted his figure at the top of the hill. “Roy!” She repeated, much louder this time. Amber laughed as he headed down the hill. Turning, she yelled over her shoulder. “Bet you can’t catch me slow poke!”

Laughing, she ran, the folds of her skirt flying behind her like a flag in the wind. Glancing behind her, she spotted Roy coming playfully after her. She giggled and then gasped suddenly when his arms wrapped around her waste, pulling her close and spinning her to face him. Amber smiled openly now, staring into honest hazel eyes she rested her forehead against his. It had been so long since she’d seen him, since he’d really looked at her.

Every detail burned itself into Ambers mind, the bold freckles scattered across his round face, the wild strands of golden brown hair that teased his eyebrows and oh, those eyes! She wanted so badly to believe it was real and when she was left standing there, victim to the playful breeze, she understood truly that he was gone. Only the ghost of his touch on her skin was left, a mere memory that she fed for fear of one day losing it entirely. His voice echoed in her mind, his laugh rung in her ears, his promises hung themselves like framed pictures in her heart, his steps pointed away from her and though he was gone, she held him oh, so very close to her heart.

The place where the world stopped was not so strange, but the vertigo was overwhelming. The girl could not decide whether or not it would be wise to jump. She stood balancing precariously on that decision, the zephyr toying with the silky strands of her amethyst hair, her lavender eyes glistening thoughtfully in the starlight, her minsk nightgown fluttering playfully against her legs and her thoughts resting simply on the captivating tenebrosity that lay before her.

All around her luminescent spherules floated, rising and falling, causing the shadows to deepen in areas. Their nebulous illumination only served to draw her attention deeper into the depths of that obscurity. Not a sound penetrated the odd thickness of silence that blanketed her surroundings, the magnitude of its mystery drawing her closer to the edge.

She felt as if her hands were tied, like someone was pulling her steadily towards that unavoidable darkness. Like she was meant there. She watched in shock as if she were not controlling her own extremities, she found herself at the edge overcome with a sensation of dizziness that made her stomach and thoughts whirl. She sucked in a deep breath as she was pulled over the edge, falling and sinking into the cold blackness.

I’m sitting in a forest. The light dimming and casting the most stunning array of lights onto the canopy of leaves above. The life of the forest was beginning to retreat to a gentle humming that caressed my thoughts. I felt dazed, almost like I was observing the world through eyes that had just awoken. A sort of state of being that disorients you.

It wasn’t until the air began to chill that I alerted. The air pricked at my nerves, a chill that crawled across my skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps.The sky was a cascade of purple hues when I stood.

I admired the forest around me in more detail. Large oak and pine trees towered over me as if to impress upon me. And the mountains peeked out from behind the vast expanse of green.

I would have gone on taking in my surroundings if not for a sudden buzzing that erupted in my ears. Not a loud noise, just indistinguishable and far away. Like whispers drifting on the wind. It split through the night air, disturbing the otherwise peaceful evening. The noise grew slowly louder. I shook my head as if that would rid me of the nuisance. But the noise persisted. I clutched my head as the whispers erupted into angry voices.

“No one ever loved you!”

“Failure. That’s what you are. That’s all you’ll ever be.”

“Love YOU? It’s no wonder your parents left you behind.”

I collapsed to the ground, still clutching my head. The chastising voices slipped into every crevice of my mind, searing me with an indescribable heat.

“I’m calling about a girl. She claims to have parents, but no one’s coming.”

“You never cared about anyone, not even your filth of a daughter.”

“Poor girl. She’s so useless her parents dropped her on every doorstep they could to get rid of her.”

“Her dad’s in jail again. She’ll never be better than him.”

“She stares at the wall as if she thinks life is hard, she doesn’t know anything.”

“Your parents are a bunch of good for nothings. What would you know?”

“You lived in homeless shelters and rarely went to school. How would you know?”

“It’s sad really. All that academic potential wasted on someone who will never amount to anything. I’m not surprised your mother left you to starve.”

With each voice came floods of memories that burned. These were further in my past, I knew, but still I gritted my teeth. Agony swept over me as images moved at a wind rushing speed. Images of homeless shelters and bruises quickly shifted to the halls of a school that claimed the moto CLASSY, I saw kids pushing me, laughing at me, avoiding me. I saw threatening notes and countless tears. And the tears started for real, hot streams that trailed down my face, burning my eyes.

More voices sliced through my conscience.

“Stop pretending everything’s ok. You should just die.”

“After all this, you still fail. You should just die.”

“Spare the world the trouble of having you around.”

I was gasping now, absolute panic taking over. I didn’t want to see anymore.

“Make it stop!” I begged, screaming into the night.

Red. That’s all I could see. A fiery ‘F’ blazed on my left arm in red. ‘F’ for failure. The images were going to fast now, cut after cut.

Feelings of abandonment, hurt, loneliness, abuse, bullying, being an outsider, neglect, failure, disappointment, pain, and loss surfaced. All of it came crashing into me like a massive tidal wave.

“No.” I begged, but it was too late. Blackness enveloped me in a cold, unforgiving blanket. The whispers retreating into the wind.

The girl stood at the edge of the window, silent tears streaming down her face, salty rivers that expressed the deep aching that filled her chest. Shackles cut into the tender skin of her wrists, awakening a constant gnawing in her pale, freckled skin. Her mind felt lighter the longer she stood there, overlooking the city, the lights blurred together like the stars that spotted the inky black sky before her, painting a scene of tenebrous night. The world seemed to sway as she began to sob, trembling she sank to her knees, still facing the world outside. There was a whole world out there for her, so why was she so stuck in this person's world even if they didn't want her to be part of it?

She fingered the edges of the white paper letting her hand trace along the creases she had created from folding and unfolding the letter repeatedly.

Such a sad way to end. She thought remorsefully, He couldn't even say it to my face.

She chuckled quietly, tucking a strand of wavy auburn hair behind her ear. He never even checked to see what I´ve been doing to improve, not that it would´ve changed his mind. If only he knew how much I've grown because of him, but once again that wouldn´t change his mind either. He doesn't care.

She sighed, I can't blame him though, in fact, I respect him. He made the best decision he could. She shook her head, not convinced by her own words. No, he gave up. He stopped trying. He refused to help me and instead left me in the dust of my own problems in hopes that I would have the inner strength to stand and change. He doesn't care.

The girl stood slowly, her hands trembling, she faced the sea of buildings, hills, and night sky before her. Closing her eyes, she gathered her thoughts. All the voices in her mind collected around a center point, a single memory.

The little girl stood abandoned again and again. Left behind repeatedly because not one soul could muster the courage to take her into their arms and help her heal from the wounds she had sustained over time.

You´re dangerous, they whisper.

Why? She asks.

Because you don't need anyone, is their reply.

“Well you´re wrong!” The girl croaked, “I do need someone, I need him.”

Words continued to plummet the girl's thoughts though, slamming into her conscience.

No one's ever going to be there for you, so why try? They challenge,

She's strong, they say.

I admire your courage, I wouldn't ever be able to survive never letting anyone in. They admonished,

Explain to me this. Why tie yourself down? Can anyone really survive without letting another soul into the darkest parts of their mind?

“Not truly,” she whispered.

The voices retreated into the darkness behind her eyelids as the girl´s consciousness awoke, like a beast she had kept stowed away in the folds of a girl she´d tucked away.

Shackled….

Trapped….

Destroying….

Opportunity….

More….

Change….

New….

Need- Her thoughts snagged on this word as it surfaced though, her eyes flung open suddenly revealing knowing brown eyes.

“I need...” She began out loud, “I need to change.” She decided firmly, “I need to stop wasting my life saying things to protect myself. I need to stop hiding and running. I need to stop bending to others. I need to see myself for who I really am, I´m not that helpless girl in need of attention. I need to change.” She smiled confidently as she lifted her bound hands to eye level,

“And most of all, I need to free myself from cage I have placed myself in.” Searching the tiny room for the key she had long since hidden, she reached to unlock the cuffs at her wrists, but memories protruded her mind.

She saw a younger version of herself in her mind's eye, a girl who had seen war and now stood lost as a hopelessly attractive boy smiled at her. His hazel eyes gleamed in intrigue as she told him all about herself, she had been hesitant to speak at first but now found herself spewing things out whether or not they were true; whatever would keep that look in his eyes. He inquired about where she was from and this lead them down a path to her past, every time she guided them back to more recent events in her life he always asked about her past. It fascinated him and that's when realization lit in the younger girl´s eyes.

She watched as it ignited and consumed the youthful eyes of the girl, crawling cleverly through her thoughts. He was just like everyone else. All those people who only paid her heed because she was a victim, mistreated, neglected, and abandoned. A poor soul to be loved, but only because she appeared to lack that love.

She watched as time passed and that girl switched tactics, something she had abandoned in her later childhood, but that was now proving to be effective. She became dependent on the extra attention it solicited from the boy as they spent more time together, addicted even to the effects it had. She was like a starving, needy animal finally being fed. She saw no other way around it, she was stuck doing what she was doing. A fly in a web, with no knowledge of what was going to happen next. She had the boy on a hook of lies because, in her mind, it was the only way to keep him as a friend.

If he found out who she really was, without all of the embellishments and warping he would grow bored. Leaving her like everyone else in her life had, abandoned on the road they had once walked together. It was better to be pitied than for him to see the flawed, uninteresting individual that she was deep down.

The girl shook these memories out of her mind in disgust, I really believed that. But there are other ways to gain the love of someone and lying isn't how you do it. Relationships are built on trust and willingness to change…

Glancing down at the rusted key in her slender fingers she finally unlocked the chains that connected her wrists; the metal clanging heavily on the wooden floor, the sound echoing inside her head. Rubbing her sore wrists her smile only grew, she felt renewed, strong even. Turning back to the window she channelled that burning, passionate energy into the night.

“Lies will not hold me captive! I am new, I am me, and I am different from you.” She pictured the boy she loved in her mind, the very boy who now held his back to her. She imagined what she would have done if their situations had been reversed.

“If I meant anything to you, you wouldn't have stopped fighting. That's the difference between you and I.” Another tear slipped past her dark lashes, falling over her cheek and clinging precariously to her chin. She watched as it fell to her feet, then looking up in indignation, she exclaimed to the nightsky. “I will never stop fighting for you!”

With that she sucked in a deep breath that filled her chest and closed the window. Allowing herself one last glance at the stars, she closed the curtains. Leaving herself in the darkness of her small room.

Dakari sniffed, there was a stale stench that clung to the stone buildings, a smell that burned his notrals and made his head swim. The air was heavy, pressing him down, begging him to go forward. His Aunt was upstairs in her room reading a novel she hadn’t been able to put down all day, she surely wouldn’t miss him.

His Aunt had named him Dakari because he was her happiness and joy; the ray of sunshine in their somehow dreary lives. But everything had changed. There was no light in Dakari only a suffocating darkness, no one welcomed that darkness. He was an outcast, dimmed and forgotten.

Dakari’s foot thudded heavily against something hard dragging his attention to a roar that had flooded the night, but that his tumultuous thoughts had tuned out. The river was barely visible by the light of his flashlight, the light dancing of the waves of a strong underlying current. He hovered violently at the edge of that water for a moment, muttering under his breath.

“Aunt Amare will be better off without me, everyone will.”

The flashlight flickered as he plunged into the river, the small light dropping from his hands. Dakari didn’t kick towards the surface, nor did he fight for the breath that escaped him, letting the current sweep him away. A chilling blackness sank through his skin, soothing the fiery burning in his chest. He didn’t struggle against the bands that slithered around his hands and ankles, dragging him deeper.

“Aunt Amare will be better off without me, everyone will.” Then he was alone in the dark with the red-ember eyes.

Light trickled through the window, spreading out in a display of vibrant colors on the kitchen floor. The boy stood stolidly behind the counter, quietly watching his mother make breakfast like she always did.

A savory aroma drifted through the air, giving the space a homey feel. His mother hummed a soft tune underneath her breath, tucking a strand of her chestnut hair behind her ear as she worked. She smiled as she noticed the rainbow spread out across the floor, although the smile vanished when her gaze fell on him. In fact, her next words were clipped and worn.

“Tommy, get that thumb out of your mouth and get rid of that blanket. You’re too old for it anyway.”

Tommy shook his head, thumb still in mouth and clutching his blanket tighter. His mother sighed, placing the frying pan off the heat. She knelt beside Tommy, slowly pulling his thumb from his mouth and slipping the blanket from his hands.

She stopped for a second, hesitating when her gaze landed on white laces tightly twisted around Tommy’s slender fingers. She glanced down at his bare feet and realized that he was clutching his worn tennis shoes in his hands.

Tommy just watched wide-eyed as his mother stared at the laces around his fingers, jerking quickly away when she reached to untangle them.

“No,” he mumbled, moving hesitantly away from his mother.

“You need to put your shoes on.”

“No,” he repeated quietly.

Her voice turned hard, her almond eyes flickering with annoyance. “Tommy, put your shoes on now.”

He did not put his shoes on at her command, although he didn’t fight when she helped him into them, merely staring unblinkingly as she laced them up. She was quiet as she dropped him off at school.

<><><><><><><><><>

“Mrs. Anderson, I would have you know that it is against school policy for a child to go without their shoes while at school.” The words came from a lanky woman well into her fifties, strands of her wiry blonde hair turning silvery gray. She had a pointed stare that matched the character of her office. Everything was neat and organized without a trace of her in it. Its only purpose was merely for business.

“I know, but you see, it’s just one of his habits. All children have them,” Tommy’s mother replied, gripping the arms of the leather chair tightly, her knuckles turning an unearthly color.

“Yes, Mrs. Anderson, I am perfectly aware that children often exhibit certain odd behaviors, but this is not normal. Your son refuses to wear his shoes. Instead he drags them behind himself. If the children are playing outside, there he is, dragging his shoes behind him; he even comes in with slivers sometimes.” The woman sighed. “All I’m saying is that you should teach Thomas the importance of wearing his shoes.”

“Thank you for your concern, Mrs. Ingram, I’ll see that it doesn’t happen again.” She abruptly stood up, taking Tommy’s hand, “C’mon Tommy, let’s go home.”

<><><><><><><><><>

Tommy’s mother tucked the edges of his blankets beneath him.

“You know that it’s important to wear your shoes don’t you Tommy?” He nodded slowly, “Then why don’t you?” He hesitated a moment before shrugging,

Tommy’s mother sighed, “I suppose I don’t know either.” Leaning in she placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. Tommy closed his eyes as she turned out the light, but mumbled under his breath when she turned to leave,

“I love you Mommy.”

There was a moment of silence in the darkness, “I love you too.”

<><><><><><><><><><>

Something broke, the glass shattering ruthlessly on the kitchen floor. An angry, hoarse voice sliced through the silence that followed.

“Dang you, Helen!”

Something hard slammed against the kitchen counter. Something snapped. Sobs erupted through the tension in the air , a cry of terror and helplessness. A cry of pain and of fear. But the pounding that followed never relented. Sounds that filled the air and fit the way the atmosphere felt on the woman. Heavy and dense.

A woman with long disheveled hair huddled against the cabinets, tears streaked a tired face. She mumbled for someone to stop, but he didn’t. The sound of glass shattering filled the air once again, the angry words slurring together. The woman grimaced as someone approached her. He was speaking in low, threatening tones now, but the woman shook her head in defiance.

Something changed in the atmosphere, shifting swiftly. Quicker than lightning she was being dragged by her feet. She screamed out something incomprehensible through the fog, drawing him deeper, uprooting a fear that hid itself well.

<><><><><><><><><>

Tommy awoke screaming, his throat ripping in absolute terror, salty tears streamed violently down his cheeks. Tommy clutched his tennis shoes tightly to his chest as he rocked back and forth slowly.

His mother abruptly burst through the door, her face blanched in panic. Her gaze frantically scanned the room for any sign of danger, finally landing on her distraught son.

Her expression softened into one of concern. “Tommy? What’s the matter?”

He continued rocking even as she placed an arm around him, simply staring down the length of her legs.

“Tommy.” She gently stroked his blonde hair. “What’s wrong?”

He hesitated, still staring. “The monster took your feet.”

There was a silence before his mother let out a nervous laugh. “What do you mean, Tommy?”

He was still staring. “That’s why I don’t wear my shoes, Mommy. The monster takes your feet when he’s mad. I’m scared. The monster took your feet.”

His mother tensed, stiffly rubbing his back. She followed his gaze sadly to her bare feet that hung off the edge of his bed. Bruises and scratches covered the pale skin of her feet, pale white scars standing out plainly among the painting of blue, red and purple.

“Yes, Tommy. The monster took my feet.” His blue eyes widened in terror as his mother said this. She hesitated, holding him closer. “But the monster is never going to hurt you as long as I’m here. I promise you that Tommy.”

I stand in a darkened room, the shadows are thick and seem to linger on my skin, clinging to my figure. Something shifts in the air around me, there’s a noise I can’t quite place, and then suddenly the darkness splits like a wispy veil to reveal him. A rough figure with strawberry blonde hair that tickled the edge of his brow, drawing attention to teasing periwinkle eyes and a defined jaw. There was something about the way he looked at me, as if I was the only person he was seeing.

I was knocked out of my dreamy haze, my dropped jaw snapping shut when he spoke, a lopsided grin dancing across his features as he waved to me.

“I’m sorry, have I interrupted somthing?”