Shall I compare you to a summer's day?

You're better-looking, and better-controlled.

The wind shakes flowers, but you're sturdy, bae.

And summer is short and young- but you're old.

Sometimes the sun is too hot, but you're chill.

Its light may fade, but your face is shiny.

Nice things may not stay so nice, but you will.

No matter how old, I love your hiney.

You'll never stop being pretty, lady!

All of you is great, even your big nose.

You'll never look like you're dying, baby-

Those eye bags are just you, everyone knows.

As long as Facebook and Twitter exist,

They'll see you in this poem- I posted it.

I'm sitting drinking coffee and watching the Morning Show when I realize it.  Well, first I realize that my coffee is way too hot.  I spit it back into my mug and am sticking my tongue out to see if it's burnt, just as the woman on TV- Sandra is her name- looks at me.  Not at the camera.  She's actually looking right at me as she laughs and goes, "Steve, you're the best!"  The camera pans over to her cohost and whatever hijinks he's getting into.  But I know what she really meant.  "You're the best," she had said, as she gazed into my eyes.  There was a seriousness to her message.  It's like she knows somehow.  Maybe the president told her to say it- he knew I'd get it.  He was right.  I'm the smartest person in the world.

But wait, how do they know?  I've never met them in person, have I?  I've got to think.  Memories of the previous day flood back as I try to remember what I could have done to attract their attention.  Then it hits me.  As I walked home from the bus station last evening, I noticed a peculiar flower growing in the grass beside the sidewalk.  It had touched me with its odd beauty, so I picked it.  It's sitting in a glass of water on my kitchen table.  I run to take a closer look at it.  There it is!  It's been sitting in my apartment all night, and I've been sleeping- SLEEPING!- in the next room.  How could I sleep on a day like this?  I've found the plant that's going to cure cancer.

I'll bet the president saw me pick it on his surveillance cameras.  That's how he knew to tell Sandra.  Diagrams and chemical equations and formulas are racing through my head as I stand there in wonder.  This is amazing!  This flower, it needs to be studied, and cloned, and dispersed to the masses!  Now!  Right now!- as I stand in my kitchen- someone could be dying because they don't have this.  I have no time to waste.  I need to tell someone about this!  But who?  Well, everyone, of course!  I grab the flower, tuck it carefully into my pocket, and run out the door.

Out on the street I see a woman walking a little yellow dog toward the park at the end of the road.  I run up to her and reach into my pants to show her the flower.  Her eyes get really big and she jogs to the other side of the street, around the corner and out of sight.  The poor dog can barely keep up with her.  I try to call after her that I meant no harm, but she's long gone.  Well, it's her loss.  I guess someone else will be the first to behold my discovery!

Some teenage boys are throwing rocks into a pond at the park.  I approach them and whip the flower from my pocket.  Giving it a flourish, I say to them, "Boys, do you know what this is?"  They all look at each other.

"No," one of them finally replies.  I can't wait to tell them.  The looks on their faces are going to be priceless!

"This, boys, is none other than the rare and beautiful frinoobius flower!  I discovered it just yesterday.  It has the power to cure cancer.  I'm on my way to have it cloned so that every cancer patient on earth can be cured!"  I'm practically dancing with glee.

Why are they just staring at me?  Did they not comprehend what I told them?  Maybe I'm talking over their heads.  I am the smartest person alive, after all.  I try again, slower this time.  "I found this flower.  It's going to make everyone with cancer better."

They continue to stare.  Then the one on the right, a big, fat guy with matted hair, begins to chortle.  The others soon join in.  Pretty soon they've worked themselves into a chorus of crows, snorts, guffaws, and knee-slaps.  They're laughing at me!  I'm about to say something clever to shut them up, but then I remember my mission.  I'm wasting time.  There are people to save!  So I simply turn and run off across the baseball fields instead.

I'm through the fields and heading toward Main Street when I notice a police car pull over and park nearby.  I keep running, but then I start to hear a man shout, "You there!  Stop!"  I turn.  It's the police officer, and he's looking at me.  I stop.  He comes and stands in front of me.

"Why are you running?" he asks, looking rather suspicious.

I show him the flower.  "I've found this rare specimen of the frinoobius flower, sir.  It has remarkable anti-cancer properties.  I'm taking it to be cloned so that they can start curing patients with it right away!"

The officer looks me up and down.  "You're not wearing any shoes," he points out.

"What?  That's-"  I look down.  He's right!  In all my excitement I completely forgot to put them on.  And I'm still in my pajama pants.  How embarrassing!  I must look like a madman!

"Sir, I'm going to need you to come with me," the officer is saying.

"Come with you?"

"Yes."

"But-"

"You're not in any trouble.  But we need to get you some help."

"Help with the frinoobius, sir?"

"In a manner of speaking.  I'm going to give you a ride to the hospital.  They can help you from there."

The hospital!  Of course.  Why didn't I think of that?  That's where all the cancer patients are.  And the doctors.  That's exactly where this flower needs to go!

"Oh, thank you, Officer," I beam.  Finally, someone who understands the gravity of the situation!  I jump into the back of his cruiser and away we go.

At the hospital, I'm about to ask the officer to pull up to the emergency department- this is an emergency, after all- but he does so without my even asking.  Man, are we on the same wavelength!  Maybe I've become telepathic, too!  The officer walks me inside.  There's a lady at the front desk who starts to hand me a clipboard.

"Ma'am, I need to see your head doctor right away.  I have something very important to tell him."

"Alright, I'll just need you to fill out these papers first," she says, pushing the clipboard at me again.

"We don't have time for that!  Please, I need to see him now!"

The officer cuts in.  "Why don't you tell her about your discovery?"  I heave a sigh.  "Fine.  But you're wasting my time."  I show her the frinoobius flower.  "This flower is going to cure cancer.  But only if you allow me to give it to the doctor."  The lady's eyebrows go up, but she nods.

"I see... why don't you come on back and wait in room one.  I'll have someone come in and see you shortly."

"Thank you."  I follow her to the room with my head held high and the flower carefully cradled in my palm.  Hey, the officer's gone... I guess he probably does have to get back to work.  Oh well.  I sit in a chair and my foot starts to tap. I hope they hurry up.  "This won't take long, will-"  The lady's already halfway back to her desk.  A guy walks into my room rolling a machine that keeps beeping.

"Hi there," he says, "I'm Bill and I'm here to get your vitals.  Ok?"  Without waiting for an answer, he starts wrapping a blood pressure cuff around my arm.  I swat at him.

"I don't need that!  I'm not sick."

Bill takes a step back.  "Okay... then what seems to be the issue?"

I cannot believe these people.  How many times am I going to have to tell them?  "I need to see the head doctor!" I practically shout.  Okay, maybe I am shouting, but seriously, these people aren't listening!  "I've got to show him this flower I discovered.  It's called the frinoobius.  It's going to cure every cancer patient on earth with its amazing properties.  Or at least it would, IF. YOU. WOULD. LET. ME. TALK. TO. THE-"  Four more people run in just then, wearing a mix of scrubs and security uniforms.

"Hey now!  Stop yelling," says a gray-haired lady.

"What's the problem?" asks somebody else.

"As I was saying," I continue, "I need to talk to your head doctor right now because I've discovered this flower that's going to cure cancer.  But I can't do that until you get him over here!

Two of the scrubs people look at each other.  "Call Dr. Wilson," one whispers, and the other disappears.

"Call him?" I say.  My heart rate is rising.  "Call him?  YOU MEAN HE'S NOT EVEN HERE?"  I jump up.  "Never mind. I'll go find somebody myself.  You people are useless!"  I start to shove past them, but the security people grab my arms.

"I'm sorry, sir," says one, "but you can't leave."

I whip my head around to face him.  "And why not?"

He looks uncomfortable.  "Well, the way you're behaving right now, and some of the things you're saying... well... it's giving us reason to believe you may be a danger to yourself or others if we let you go."

"Danger?  I'm not a danger!  The only danger here is that thousands of people are dying of cancer while you idiots can't even manage to find me a doctor!"  I struggle against their grasp, but there's two of them and one of me.  "I demand that you unhand me RIGHT NOW!"

The other scrubs person runs back into the room.  She has a syringe in her hand.

"What is that?" I demand.

"It's medicine to help you calm down," she answers, and starts wiping my arm with an alcohol pad.

"I don't need medicine, I NEED A DOCTOR!  You people are unbelieva- OUCH!"  She pulls the needle out of my arm and tosses it into a plastic box on the wall.

"All done.  Why don't you have a seat for a minute and take some deep breaths?  It'll be alright."

I do not feel like sitting, but the security guys still have my arms and they maneuver me into the chair.  I huff.  "Just wait until the media hears about this.  I'm writing a letter to the editor the second I get home, and I'm calling the police, and I'm calling my lawyer!  I'm going to sue each and every last one of you, you stupid, useless..."  I trail off as I notice the world's looking a little fuzzy.  "Hey, what did you put into me, anyway?"  My words are slowing down, and suddenly my eyelids feel like sandbags.  I think one of the nurse people answers me, but I don't hear.  My eyelids drop shut and I'm out.