We Are Afraid
We are afraid. We do not go to gas stations alone at night. We do not walk down streets without another person with us. We give excuses such as "I have a boyfriend" or the like because "I'm just not interested" isn't reason enough for someone to stop pursuing us. We read posts on tumblr and twitter about self defense- how to punch and elbow and scream until our attackers figures out that maybe assaulting us isn't worth all the trouble- and we understand that we will probably need this information to save our lives. We understand from middle school age that we are not safe simply because we are women. Seem messed up? It should.
In Isla Vista, California last year, a man by the name of Elliot Rodger killed six people and injured many others near the campus of the University of California before killing himself. He left behind a manifesto entitled "My Twisted World" that contained his plan for the night he went on his murder spree. Throughout this autobiography he expresses an obsession and fierce resentment towards those that have had "pleasurable sex lives", which he says he has been deprived of. Rodger describes part of his plan as his "War on Women"; he wanted to "punish all females for depriving me [Rodgers] of sex". The details are horrifying, and the maliciousness he holds towards women is all too familiar.
Obviously the vast majority of men aren't going to create a plan to murder as many women as possible because someone doesn't want to have sex with them. But this feeling of entitlement is widespread and terrifying. There is an attitude held by far too many men that it would be an honor and a privilege to be with them, that they have a right to have sex with any woman they want. The idea that a woman would be genuinely uninterested seems ludicrous. This entitlement begins at childhood and is perpetuated into adulthood.
As children, when young boys are mean to girls the typical response from the adults in their lives is that they are “just being boys”. When elementary school age girls wear shorts or tank tops, they are told they are revealing too much skin. Young girls are taught to be modest, to hide themselves for the sake of their own safety. Young boys are taught to “be boys”, to tease and bully the girls they like, and to do as they please much more often than girls.
Rape culture is everywhere. It is in the jokes young men and women make to their friends at lunch or on twitter. It is in the way we teach our daughters to dress and the way we allow our sons to behave. It is the shaming of victims and the dismissal of criminals. It is the way friends laugh at me when I say I’m terrified to go to the gas station alone at night, and sometimes even during the day. It is in the portrayal of women as objects throughout pop culture. It is in the glorification of abusive behavior in men. We are afraid because this culture is so prevalent. We are afraid because one of us alone, or even all of us together, cannot change it. We are afraid to live our lives because of the constant threat to our safety. We are afraid. And we shouldn’t have to be.