It'd been 3 days. 3 days since Sawyer asked Kaitlyn to meet him at Starbucks. 3 days since he saw her with another man. 3 days since his heart shattered into a million pieces.

Sawyer had never felt so numb before. He had always felt like, no matter how uncertain life could be, he would always have Kaitlyn. And now he wasn't so sure.

Life had never been easy for Sawyer. I mean, he wasn't as bad off as some people are, but he had a fair share of struggles.

For example, his parents' divorce when he was 9. Switching in between houses every week. Meeting his new stepmom and her four kids.

Maybe that's why Sawyer never had really believed in love. He had grown up in an environment where love faded over time. He always thought love would end in fights and a lot of legal issues, so maybe that was why he never really gave it a chonce. But he always felt that Kaitlyn was different. He thought Kaitlyn was the one, and that his love for her would last forever.

Sawyer should've seen it coming. He should have seen the heartbreak. After all, that's all love really was.

Sawyer began walking down the street, hands in his pocket. He could feel his phone buzzing as Kaitlyn kept messaging him, but he couldn't find the strength to deal with her at the moment. So he decided to ignore it and go get a drink.

Sawyer knew he had a small drinking problem, but that was the least of his concerns at the moment.

He began walking north to his favorite pub until he realized that was where he met Kaitlyn. So he changed his course and headed towards Remy's, a club that he personally had never been to. But hey, what's the worst that could happen?

He paid the bouncer at the door (thank goodness there wasn't a waiting list) and stepped inside, only to be met with the smell of alcohol and Axe deodorant. A little disoriented, he went up to the counter and sat on a stool, waiting for someone to take his order.

Looking to the left of him, he noticed a beautiful red-haired woman sit next to him. Sawyer didn't mean to stare, but her loveliness was too hard to ignore. She noticed and gave him a petite little wave that almost made him passed out. She laughed at his starstuck expression. "Take a picture, it will last longer sugar," she giggled, blowing him a little kiss. Sawyer's heart began to beat loudly and he was worried she would hear him. She gave another cute giggle and he could tell she was slightly drunk. "Why do you keep staring at me, sugar? Hard to resist, hmm?" The mysterious girl laughed (again) and turned around to talk to a slightly older man on the other side of her. Sawyer felt very overwhelmed. He liked this girl, heck, maybe he loved her, and he didn't want to let her just walk away. A part of his conscience was telling him not to go for it because he still had Kaitlyn, but he swept those feelings aside and cleared his throat loudly, causing her to turn back around, saying,"Do you need something, sugar?"

Sawyer began blushing furiously. "Would you, um," he could barely speak, "would you like to dance with me?"

She smiled so wide Sawyer thought her face would crack. "Oh sugar, I'd loovvee to," she giggled. Grabbing his arm, she began leading him out to the dance floor. "Wait," Sawyer stuttered, "um, what's your name?" She gave him another blinding smile.

"Now why would you need to know that?"

She laughed again and began pulling at his arm, encouraging him to dance with her. Again, his conscience told him not to, but again, Sawyer ignored it. He pulled her in close to him, hands on her hips, and they danced the night away. Occasionally, they took a break to get another drink, but then they were back on their feet again. Sawyer knew barely anything about her, heck, he didn't even know her name. But it didn't matter. Love never lasted forever anyway, so he didn't feel bad. They both knew this was a one-night-only kind of romance. Might as well make it last.

Before they passed out from exhaustion, they went to sit down in a booth together. Mystery girl sat next to him and grabbed his hand, to his surprise. It didn't take long before they were kissing. It felt so good, even though it was so wrong. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't stop.

Sawyer only broke it off when he heard the sound of a wine glass breaking. He looked up to see Kaitlyn, tears in her eyes, wine glass shattered on the floor.

Sawyer's heart stopped for a moment.

"Sawyer, what are you doing with this-with this slut," she hissed, clearly in pain, "I came here to visit you, I came here to finally see you again, and here you are, cheating on me with some random bimbo!"

Sawyer nervously looked over to see how his date would react, but she was passed out on the table. Sawyer looked back up at Kaitlyn and met her gaze. He remembered the events from earlier that day and rage boiled inside him. "Don't lecture me on cheating, I SAW you with that guy near the coffee shop! I SAW you hug him!"

"He was an old friend I haven't seen in a while! You never met him because he moved away a couple summers ago and he was coming back to visit! Not to mention the fact that he's gay!"

Sawyer felt so stupid. He shouldn't have assumed anything without talking to her first. He was an idiot.

"I met him on the way to the coffee shop to meet you, and we stopped to catch up," Kaitlyn carried on, trying not to sob in between words, "when I got to the coffee shop you were gone. I felt bad, so I came here to get a drink when I see you smooching some random redhead!"

Sawyer tried to explain, tried to tell her what really happened, but she interrupted, "Just forget it okay! I'm-I'm done with this. I'm done with this drama and I am done with YOU. Have fun with your new GIRLFRIEND." And, with tears in her eyes, she stormed out the door.

Nice to meet ya, what's your name?

Let me treat ya to a drink

Sawyer said thank you to the Starbucks worker as she handed him an iced chai latte. His hands felt numb after holding it for too long, and he had to keep switching it between his hands to keep warm. He finally decided to just set it down on the table as he waited for Kaitlyn to show up. She was already pretty late, which was unusual for her.

Sawyer told himself that she was fine, that maybe she had slept in late or she had a last-minute setback, but he was still worried. They had arranged to meet a couple of weeks ago, and she had texted him this morning telling him that she would be here. So where could she be?

Sawyer grabbed his phone from his pocket and fumbled through his contacts. With shaking fingers, he dialed her number and waited nervously for her to pick up only to reach voicemail. Sawyer slid his phone back and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He slunk down into the chair and was tempted to slam his head on the table. Why wasn't she responding? 

After another 45 minutes of tapping his fingers against the table and playing Candy Crush on his phone, Sawyer had had enough. He quickly finished the latte and left. 

Opening the door, he was met with a wave of heat. It was unusual for it to be this hot in the fall, but honestly, Sawyer wasn't all that surprised. Weather's just as unpredictable as love is.

He began walking down the street, passing a bakery with a giant cake on display in the front window. It kind of looked like the one he got Kaitlyn when she was going away.

Thinking back to that moment with her brought Sawyer a twinge of pain. He knew it hadn't been her first time going off to college (she had switched majors a couple years back,so she switched schools as well), but it was the first time he had celebrated it with her. Thinking back to that day, he remembered how wonderful and special that moment with her was. 

What if it didn't mean the same to her?

What if every moment they had shared together didn't mean as much to her as it meant to him?

Was that why she missed out on meeting him today? Did all the little moments they spent together not mean anything to her anymore?

He suddenly heard something that broke him out of his thoughts.

A familiar laugh, one he hadn't heard in a while.

Looking up, he saw Kaitlyn. Talking and laughing with another man. He said something to make her happy, and she wrapped her arms around him along with a peck on the cheek.

Sawyer felt like he was going to pass out.

It....it can't be. Kaitlyn would never cheat on him...she wasn't the type of person to do that. But, as much as he didn't want it to be true, the answer was right in front of him. She was happy. She was happy with her arms wrapped around another man.

Sawyer hoped it wasn't true. He hoped it was just a nightmare, that he would wake up back in his bed to see a text from her saying "I love you Sawyer".

But he knew what he was seeing. And his heart broke.

If Kaitlyn had just turned around, she would have seen Sawyer with tears in his eyes. She would have explained what was going on and Sawyer would understand.

But she didn't see him.

Maybe if she had, they might not have had this misunderstanding.

I wish I could tell you that Sawyer moved on, or that they mend their relationship and live happily ever after.

But that would be a lie, dear readers.

This is only the beginning.

Feeling like I'm going crazy

And I don't know what to do

'Cause on paper, you don't break them

But it hurts so bad the way you bend the rules

Sawyer couldn’t believe it. Kaitlyn has been his girlfriend for three months now. Ever since that one night at the pub, they’ve been almost inseparable, texting each other until 3 in the morning and going on dates every other Friday.

Sawyer knew she was the one. He loved everything about her, from her cute little laugh to her empathetic nature. She was his rock, his shoulder to cry on. And he knew he would miss her.

Kaitlyn would be going off to college soon. The college she got a scholarship to.

The college 3000 miles away.

Sawyer was surprised that time could fly by so fast. It seemed like just yesterday since he had met her, drunk and brokenhearted. Now he was happier than ever with the best girl in the world by his side.

Well, she won’t be right beside him for much longer...

Sawyer broke out of his thoughts and began hanging up more balloons along the side of her grandma’s house. He had never tried throwing a surprise party before, and he was kind of scared he would get it wrong. What if the balloons weren’t secured to the side of the house and they blew away? What if her grandma’s dog Eddie came out and ate the cake he made for her? What if she didn’t like the party at all and decided to break up with him because of it?!

Sawyer wiped his sweaty palms against his jacket, trying to calm his nerves. He was probably stressing out over nothing.  He had made sure that everything was perfect, from the color of the balloons to the icing on the cake. Plus, this was for Kaitlyn, and she would probably love it no matter what. Sawyer let out a relaxed sigh. He’d be alright.

Beep beep

Sawyer let go of the balloons in surprise as he saw Kaitlyn pull up in the driveway. He tried to jump up to grab them before they blew away, but he missed, falling down on the table. The cake flipped up in the air and came crashing down, right on his head. He could hear Kaitlyn gasps as well as Eddie’s barks, who came up and immediately started licking the icing off his face.

Sawyer wanted to slam his head against a wall. He ruined it. He ruined everything for her. This was his last chance to show his love for her and he completely blew it.

He felt someone sit down next to him and he knew who it was. He tried to cover his face with his hands and try to hide from her, but she grabbed his arms and pulled them away. Wiping frosting off of his eyelids, he looked up at her.

Kaitlyn gave him a little smirk and ran her finger across his cheeks, gathering up a mound of icing on her fingers. She gave it a lick and laughed, “Tastes like lemon and dog drool.” Sawyer blushed and she started laughing. Sawyer felt like laughing along, but he still needed to apologize to her for ruining everything. “Kaitlyn, I-”

Kaitlyn gripped his shirt and pulled him in for a hug, “Don’t say anything, Cake Boy.”

And there they were, on the last day of summer vacation, at the same place they had had their first kiss, with Eddie the dog barking like crazy, and mounds and mounds of cake frosting in their hair. 

“Leave a message after the beep.”

“Hey Kaitlyn, it’s Cake Boy here. I hope you’re doing okay off at college. You haven’t really been responding to me and I was wondering if you’re okay? I’m not trying to be overprotective or clingy, but I really miss you, and I would love it if we could just...talk. Call me back when you get this. Bye love.”

Sawyer put his phone down with a sigh. This was the 5th time he had been sent to voicemail this week, not to mention the hundreds of text messages she had yet to respond to. He didn’t understand. She told him that she would keep in touch!

Maybe he was being over obsessive. She’s probably just really busy. After all, Kaitlyn has to work really hard to keep her scholarship. That’s it, she’s just busy with schoolwork and stuff.

So why was Sawyer still so worried?

It’s not that he doesn’t trust her....is it?

Pushing away his doubts, he reached for his phone and sent her another text out of desperation

I have a break in a week, can I come down and see you? xoxo

Sawyer stared at his screen for a couple of minutes, waiting for a reply. Was she ignoring him? Why would she do that? it’s not like she wants to break up with him. Or does she? Maybe she found a smarter, more handsome boy at her preppy college. Maybe Sawyer wasn’t good enough for her anymore!

He gripped his head tightly. No, it can’t be, she wouldn’t do that to him.

But that would explain why she wasn’t responding.....maybe she was moving on.

As Sawyer closed his eyes in frustration, he heard a little ding as a notification went off on his phone. Almost falling off of his bed in shock, he clutched the phone tightly as he saw she FINALLY responded.

I’m coming out to visit Gram soon, I’ll see you then :*

A kissie face emoji. That was a good sign. 

Sawyer felt like banging his head against the wall. How soon was soon? When would he finally see her?

And why had she been ignoring him?

Hey, can you show your face?

Can’t you see that I’m anxious?

Can you hear what I’m saying?

After finishing up their drinks, Sawyer offered to walk Kaitlyn home, since she was a bit tipsy. She agreed and now they were making their way to her house. They walked quietly, the only sound being their shoes smacking on the sidewalk pavement. Sawyer decided he wanted to get to know her better, since they only held small talk while drinking. So he decided to ask her a question. “So, are you new around here? I’ve never seen you before, Kaitlyn.” She nodded and gave him a little smile, “No, I’m not. I came here to visit my grandma and stay with her for the summer. After this season, I’m going off to college.With a full scholarship.” Sawyer gave her a small round of applause and she laughed. “How’d you manage that,” Sawyer joked, “don’t you have to actually be smart to get one of those?” Kaitlyn scoffed and gave him a playful shove,“Well, only smart people would understand, so I shouldn’t bother explaining it to you.” He just laughed and gave her a little push back. They joked and chatted until they finally reached her house address. “I hope my grandma’s asleep,” Kaitlyn chuckled nervously, “she doesn’t know I was out.” Sawyer gave her a look of surprise. Kaitlyn, sneaking out and breaking the rules? He would have never guessed she would do something like that. All evening she had seemed like a bit of a goody two-shoes. Kailtyn intrigued Sawyer, and he was excited to get to know her better.

He walked her up to the front door a bit sadly. Sawyer didn’t want to end the night with her. Kaitlyn was so much fun to be with and she was full of surprises. Sawyer wasn’t sure if he was falling for her, but he knew she was special.

Then, as she was unlocking the door, Sawyer was met with an overwhelming urge to kiss her cheek. He knew he had just met her, and he knew she probably didn’t like him back, but he decided to go for it.

 So he snuck up behind her and gave her a kiss.

Kaitlyn turned around in surprise and looked up at him. In his head, Sawyer knew he had ruined it. He ruined his chance with her. Why oh why would he kiss someone the night he met them? Kaitlyn probably thought he was insane. And rightfully so. No one would kiss someone the night that they-

Kaitlyn took Sawyer head in her hands and gave him a long passionate kiss. On the lips.

Sawyer couldn’t believe it.

He kissed her back, right there on the porch. He was met with this amazing feeling that he had never felt before. Could it be love? He didn’t know. But all he knew was that he never wanted it to end. Sawyer wrapped his arms around her and gave her a tight hug. Kaitlyn hugged back.

After about 30 more seconds, they both pulled away in shock. He could tell from the look on her face that she couldn’t believe what had just happened and what she had just done. Sawyer couldn’t either. Was that normal? To show so much affection on the first night? He knew it wasn’t, but something about it felt...

It felt so right, being in her arms. Like there was peace in the world. It was the best feeling he had ever experienced.

And he could tell that she felt the same.

“I..I can’t believe I did that,” Kaitlyn said, grasping her face in horror, “Sawyer, I am so so sorry. I- I don’t know what came over me.” Sawyer just chuckled. Her face was so red and it made her look even cuter. 

Wait, what was he thinking? They had just met.

Sawyer rubbed his neck in embarrassment and met her gaze, “I’m sorry too. I kissed you first.”

Kaitlyn just put her hands up, telling him to stop. “But Sawyer, I kissed back.

And what’s worse is I want to do it again.”

Without hesitation, Sawyer ran up and grabbed her in another hug. At first, she was a bit startled, but eventually she hugged back. And there they stood, on the porch of her grandma’s house at 10:00 at night, hugging.

Sawyer had never felt so good in his whole life.

“Well, look at that Marge. Young love.”

Startled, the two of them looked over to the sidewalk where an old couple stood, watching them in amusement. Sawyer and Kaitlyn broke it off in humiliation and muttered an apology in their direction. But the old couple just laughed. “Don’t apologize kiddos,” the old man said with a grin, “we did the same thing when we were young. Remember that, Marge?” The old woman, presumably Marge, gave him a beam, “How could I forget? that was the night I knew you were the one, Walter.” The elderly man blushed as Marge took his hand. “We’ll leave you to it, kids,” the old man (Walter) called out to them as him and Marge continued their midnight stroll. During the whole encounter, Kaitlyn was blushing like crazy, and so was Sawyer. 

After Walter and Marge had left, Kaitlyn turned to Sawyer, “Would you like to come inside for a bit, Sawyer?”

Sawyer just gave her a little smirk, and he grabbed her hand as she pulled him inside, closing the door behind her.

I see us in black and white

Crystal clear on a starlit night

In all your gorgeous colors

I promise that I’ll love you for the rest of my life...

Sawyer closed his book with a sigh. School had been out for weeks, yet here he was, rereading his old textbooks instead of socializing. What was the point anymore? All the boys his age were too immature, and none of the girls were interested in him anyways. The ones who were, well, they never lasted for long.

Is love too much to ask for? That’s all Sawyer wanted. Someone to accept all his flaws and turn them into perfections. Someone who brought out the good in him. When will that someone finally come along?

Sawyer slammed his book down with a grumble. He thought he might as well go down to the pub, drink off his feelings. Being drunk helps him deal with loneliness, for a little while at least. Fumbling in his pockets for his keys, he put on his coat, locked his apartment door, and headed out.

“Pint of Guiness please,” Sawyer says, sitting on a stool near the bartender. The man nods and begins to pour his drink. Sawyer tossled his fingers through his hair, thinking about all his failed past relationships and where he had gone wrong.

*flashback to 1 week ago*

“You never pay attention to me Sawyer!”

“Rachel, it’s not my fault I forgot the anniversary of the day before our first kiss!”

“How could you not remember, that was the day you won me a teddy bear from the fair?”

“Oh wow, how stupid of me!”

“YES! YES IT WAS!” And with that, Rachel stormed out of the room. After days and days of not answering Sawyer’s calls and texts, she posted a picture of her with her new boyfriend on Instagram.

*end of flashback*

The bartender brings his drink over and Sawyer chugs most of it in one gulp. Wiping his mouth with his sleeve, he asks for another. And another. Anything to wash his pain away.

"You know, that's not very good for you."

Sawyer turns around to see a very pretty woman looking at him, hands on her hips. Sawyer didn't like it; she looked like she was judging him. "What's it to you anyway," Sawyer mumbles in her direction and turns back around. Instead of walking away, however, she sat down in the stool right next to him. Her bright green eyes bore right into his, "Trust me, I've seen enough people become alchoholics. Please don't be one of them." Sawyer just stared at her in confusion. She just looked back at him with sympathy and sadness, the lights above reflecting little golden flecks in her eyes. Why did she care about him so much? "Look, I don't have the time for a lecture. I just want to get drunk and forget about life for a bit, okay," Sawyer said, trying to contain his slight irritation with her. She seemed nice enough, but Sawyer didn't feel like dealing with girls right now. The woman just gives him a little frown, and turns away to leave. Finally, Sawyer thinks to himself. But before she walks away, she says, "That's what my brother said the night he drunkenly died in a car crash." Sawyer looks at her once more to see tears brimming in her eyes. He was suddenly hit with a wave of guilt. Why was he being so rude to this lady? She's clearly gone through a lot, and she did have a point. He can't run away from his problems with beer and wine.

"Can I get you a drink?"

The girl turned back around in surprise at his offer. Sawyer felt his cheeks burn red. Why on Earth would he go and say that? Something about her made him feel...different. Was it a good different? He had no idea. Sawyer felt like such an idiot. Obviously she wouldn't say-

"Sure, thanks. But just one."

Sawyer gave her a small smile, and she returned it. She hopped up on the stool next to him and they began talking. The whole evening, as they drank together, Sawyer felt something that he had never felt before. The girl, he found out her name was Kaitlyn, was a lot like him in many ways. She was funny, intelligent, and most of all, she was the kindest person he had ever met. Sawyer had convinced himself that he would never find that special someone.

But now, he wasn't so sure.

All of my life it's been heartbreak weather

Thinking to myself it won't get better

It can be so lonely in this city

But it feels different when you're with me

Shelves

Emptied

Houses

Boarded Up

Trapped inside

They say it's for our safety

Well

It's definitely not for our sanity

Stuck seeing friends through screens

Concerts cancelled

How much more can I take?

I know it's all

For our own sake

But it is breaking me

Chipping me away

Crying every day

I go outside

For a moment

To breath

To live

Rain drops mix

With my tears

People think rain

Is used to show sadness

Depression

But standing outside

In the rain

I have never felt more alive

Catching them on my tongue

I dance in the rain

I laugh as it hits my skin

Am I crazy?

Possibly.

Probably

But standing outside

In the pouring rain

I have never felt

More alive.