Thought Spider

For the past couple years I've been aware of this condition of mine, piecing together the puzzle until every piece was in its place and I was shown the complete picture in my mind.

Finally making sense of the constant battle within me to focus.

For as long as I can remember, it's been the root of many of my lifetime mishaps. From teachers making me sit in the corner for day dreaming and not listening to the lesson, to letting go of a good guy because I got "bored" with him, distracted by another. As a child this disability was just an invisible enemy, but slowly it grew larger and I discovered it, hiding right underneath my nose.

Over the years, my young mind developed and I started thinking more. Maybe thinking too much at times but hey, it was better than not at all. This spurred on my discovery of... the thought spider.

"There we go", I would think, "there's my problem. I've inherited a thought spider."

To put it simply, the said 'thought spider' is the disease anyone who suffers from ADD or ADHD has sadly got. Either inherited or contracted, you've got it and it takes an awful lot of will power to refuse it of it's thirst for your concentration. See, this is what it does.

A thought spider lives in your head. Let's say in your mind, since we don't want anyone telling the doctor they've got an arachnid living in their brain. Our thought spider will take your line of thought and begin weaving it into a web for itself, since it cannot make one on it's own, being a figment of imagination. Therefore it fulfill's its inborn need for shelter by using YOUR line of thought as material. Selfish? I know.

Anways, most peoples line of thought is one smooth string, gliding around continually, going from one thought to another in a slow, patient manner. Our thought spider yanks it up, and sticks it around in random places fervently. One minute you've just been put in time out, dwelling on the NERVE of a mean old woman. Plotting in your kindergarten mind a way to get back at her. The very next, you're inspecting a small candy egg in between two books, forsaken by your peers during the easter party. Wanting oh so badly to taste the sweetness right underneath the glistening purple wrapper. Then, you're dreaming about your blonde hair blue eyed sweetheart and how nice it would be for them to take you on a date at burger king, like they promised.

Do you see what I mean? Your thoughts can't HELP but wander. They don't even have to be related thoughts, they just POP up, out of nowhere! You're constantly thinking new thoughts, that line being yanked to another random spot in your subconscious. Because you can't focus, you get easily distracted. Becaus you get easily distracted, you get bored easily. Because of THIS, sometimes you can't even continue doing something you LIKE to do. Imagine doing something that's utterly tedious? Oh yes, as you might have guessed it's torture.

Sadly, you get frustrated with yourself. Disappointed with yourself. Angry, confused, the works. And, if you're not officially diagnosed, many people just don't understand you and give up.

It really is quite the ailment. I hope this has helped you become more aware of the seriousness of it all, whether you've got a thought spider or not. If you do, god speed. If not, pass on the god speed to those who do.