What lived in that cry

Its real.. its happening... how can everything that just days ago was all mine be gone... how can the laughs, jokes, and smiles no longer be there, ..... "stop your killing me"

Those moments in silence when he caught me looking at him.... his kiss, omg his kiss, the way our lips touched as if it was always meant to be this way.... "please please stop"

His arms around me, the way my head fit perfectly in that nook between his shoulder and neck, when he would kiss my forehead.... " i cant breath someone please"

The 3am roll over when he would feel for me and pull me into him, listening to that reassuring breath he let out once our bodies were close... " the pain is beyond comparison to any other"

Is it possible to miss the dreams, the predictions in your mind of the many ways your futures together could go, each one better then the last... " my eyes burn, my face is drenched in tears"

His promises, oh how i held his word above all others, how i believed everything he said to me, how can that mouth that once spoke directly to my heart, now be the cause of this devastion.

I am gasping for breath trying to fight through the tears trying so hard to get up... they never talked about this in those fucking Disney movies... everyone is happy and forever is a blissful thought.. what if prince charming is a ass who lies, what if the beast never changes inside, what if Aladdin uses jasmine to bring his own value up and than tosses her... we are made to wish and want and strive for what disney says, but what if the hero and villian of the story ends up being the same person. How do you come back from the complete destruction of your heart when the person who held it, fixed it, protected it, is now the person responsible for its lifeless, torn and tattered existence.

When i die and they preform the autopsy will there be proof of this time in my life, will they see a scar, or bruising... do you think it heals, but much like a shattered plate or crumbled paper u can try as best as you can but the damage will always b visible.

I catch my breath... slowly gripping my hair in my hands, this pain... this pain is unbearable....

Go back to numb... please be numb... all of these things he's doing with her i know it... my mind wanders and i can see it... i scream... this is killing me please someone

Every moment, every simple glimpse, sideway smile, deep belly laughs, his cologne, him... oh my God him... please please how is it possible to feel this pain and still be alive.

Scream, and scream again... no no no this is too much, forever we said forever, the spaces in between his fingers were made to fit my fingers perfectly... how can all of this be done, be gone.

How can forever be over so fast, were not old and gray. The reaper hasn't come to get one of us, so how is everything that only hours ago was mine, now belong to someone else.

I can't breath again it hurts to much, i can't do this without him, i can't be us without him, these tears it's like they cut my eyelids as they proceed down my cheeks.

I don't want to feel this anymore, please... each time i manage to calm myself and try to regain composure... i remember something, a memory flashes in my head and then i remember... my happily ever after, my one and only... was no longer mine.

All of this in that one cry!