Blurred Past

From the moment I met Amara, we became best friends. We met when my family moved to a small village outside Lancaster shortly after I turned 13 years old. She was a year older and we always talked about the men we would meet someday. We spoke of how they would come and sweep us away from the dreary lives we led of milking cows and tending our gardens. We practiced our singing and dancing at night, to capture a Lord’s attention. From birth, I was coddled and loved for my beauty. This is what people would say, but I never saw it. Amara was the beautiful one in my eyes, yet no one ever spoke of her beauty. They never said that she would catch the eye of a Duke or Lord and be swept away to live in a castle. No one ever expected the turn of events that took place.

Today is Amara’s 18th Birthday, and our parents are finally letting us go into town by ourselves. We have been planning this for months. We are going to dress in our finest attire, travel into town, and act very lady-like.

A knock at the door startles me out of my daydreams, and Amara is standing in the doorway in a beautiful powder blue gown that fits her perfectly and flows gracefully all the way to the floor. Her auburn hair has one single braid that lays perfectly to one side of her head with wildflowers stuck in it. I can’t help but be a little jealous.

“Estella! Isn’t this the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?” Amara gracefully spins into the room and skips over to me. “My mother made it herself and gave it to me this morning.”

Hearing this makes me smile. Amara has always being lumped in with her siblings whenever it came to her mother. It is as if her mother just always forgets about her and only acknowledges the fact that she has children and not that they are individual people who need their own amount of love and affection.

“It’s absolutely beautiful, Amara,” I give her a warm hug. I pull a string out from the frills of my dress and hand it to her. “I know it’s not much, but Happy Birthday.”

She holds up the burlap string that has my “E” engraved on a little heart shaped stone attached to it. I hold up my wrist revealing a similar string and stone but with an “A” engraved on it.

“Best friends forever, right A?”

She smiles brilliantly and embraces me in a tight hug, “Yes E, best friends forever! Ready to head into town?”

As we make our way into town, we see and hear a lot more commotion then we have ever witnessed before. Everyone was whispering quietly amongst themselves, and trying to catch a glimpse at whatever was making all the commotion. We finally make our way to the front of the crowd and I hear Amara gasp and point. I look up in shock and awe as I see Kenneth, the Duke of Lancaster sitting majestically on a pure black stallion. We see him talking with one of the men in his group and being pulled behind them was a carriage of majestic splendor being pulled by two matching, golden mares. One of the mares starts prancing anxiously and the carriage driver jumps off his seat and whispers something into her cocked ear. I want to go right over and see the horses, but Amara grabs ahold of my sleeve, breaking me out of my trance. She motions for us to get closer to the Duke. I roll my eyes. That is all she would care about. I just want to see the horses! But it is her birthday so I let her drag me through the throng of people until we end up just a few feet away from the Duke.

The Duke catches eyes with Amara in an instant and motions her over to him. She walks out of the throng of people as she drags me helplessly behind her. As we make our way over to the Duke, he jumps gracefully to the ground and grabs Amara’s other hand in both of his.

“What is your name my fair maiden?”

Blushing, “Amara my Lord,” and curtsies in greeting. Remembering that I am behind her she introduces me as well, but he barely gives me a nod as he continues talking to her.

“I must get to know you more, Amara, for your beauty is making me sickly intoxicated. I feel as though I won’t be able to stand much longer for the spell that you have put over me. Will you and your young friend retire back to my mansion for a while and enjoy some refreshments?

Young friend! She is not barely a year my elder! I can feel myself become red in the face and I start to tug on Amara’s sleeve. “We should be heading back soon. Our mothers will be worried about us. We told them that we wouldn’t stay late since this was our first time in town by ourselves.”

The Duke looks at Amara with piercing cold blue eyes that seem to penetrate her soul, and leaves me feeling sick.

“No Estella. It will be alright. We won’t be long.” Her words flow out as if she is in a trance. Before I know what is happening, Duke Kenneth jumps onto his horse and one of his men places Amara onto the horse behind him. His men quickly usher me into the carriage, without a thought of what I want to do. I stare straight ahead and feel as if I am in a dream. When we arrive at the Duke’s mansion, I can barely look around at its grandeur. Amara and the Duke are nowhere in sight.

“I want to see my friend. I want to go home.”

The men that were left to accompany me let out what seemed like tiny evil smiles. Was it my imagination? They vanished almost as quickly as they appeared, and made me wonder if I had even witnessed them at all.

“Our Master is quite fond of your Amara. We will show you to the study where you can recline until they are done getting acquainted and you are summoned again.” They do nothing to hide the darkness in their voices.

Books. So many books. That is all I see when I quickly get ushered into the study. It is a giant room with a ceiling a few stories high and books extending to the very top. Just looking up leaves me feeling dizzy and sick again. Nothing can quench the worry I feel about innocent Amara and whatever Duke Kenneth has in store for her. Amara was never one to realize something bad even if it was right in front of her, especially if what was bad was a tall, good-looking, rich Duke.

I wait for Amara’s return growing hungrier every second. I wasn’t going to touch the food that was set out for me. Whatever trance was put over Amara, I would not fall captive. One of us had to keep our wits about us. The very next moment the giant doors fly open and Amara hurries in. She seems excited and happy.

“Oh Estella! I just had the most wonderful afternoon! Kenneth is such a wonderful man! Oh yes he told me to just call him Kenneth. And the grandeur of his mansion. It’s more like a castle! He’s so humble. He said he didn’t want that to sway my decision.” Amara was rambling on and on. “Wait, Estella, why are you trembling?”

It is true. I am ready to break down. I had just spent the whole afternoon sick with worry and Amara comes running in as if nothing happened? What am I supposed to say when she looks happier then she has ever been? “Oh Amara I was just so worried about you! I didn’t know what had become of you and it has been getting later and later and I feared for the worry of our parents. I didn’t get a good feeling from the Duke (Kenneth, Amara has to interrupt me to say) at all.” Ok. Now I’m rambling. “Can we just go home now?”

Amara gives me a long, warm embrace. I hadn’t lost her after all, I realize and let out a sigh. At least not yet, my thoughts continue to fill me with despair as she starts speaking again. “Kenneth wants me to be his Bride. I know it’s all very fast, but I am of age and no one will better be able to provide for me. Mother and Father will be so happy!”

I step back from her and grasp her shoulders both in my hands as I stare into her deep, green, woeful eyes. “Amara. I’m sure your parents just want to see you happy. Do you think you’ll be happy here? You don’t even know him. Will you not first wait and think about such a big decision? This is not something that needs to be rushed.”

“No Estella. For once something wonderful fell into my hands. It isn’t all about you! I know you’re just jealous that the Duke chose me and hardly even noticed you. I saw the look on your face. But nevertheless he is mine, and I am his. We are already engaged to be wed in one years’ time. The plans are already being set into motion. Let us be off,” Amara said as she shook out of my grasp, “Our parents will be worried enough as it is, and I have such wonderful news to announce!” With this she hastens through the door, with nothing left for me to do but sorrowfully follow her.

This isn’t right. She’s nothing more than a naïve child who doesn’t know what it truly means to be happy. Why do I have this uneasiness inside me about the Duke, when everyone else seems to be under some sort of spell when he’s around? All it seems I am able to do is be there for Amara. She has always been stubborn, spell placed on her or not. She will be wed. I only hope that my instincts are wrong and she will be happy.

The following morning finds me heavy-eyed and still quite tired. I wasn’t able to sleep much. When we arrived at home, our parents were quite concerned and angry up until Amara told them about the unbelievable turn of events. The whole town heard the news that same night, and everyone was so happy that Amara’s good fortune had finally come and she was going to have more than just the life of a mere farm girl. Whispers of if only Estella were able to do the same floated around the little village as she got out of bed and went around to her daily routine. I’m glad I’m not in the same boat as Amara. The Duke may have everyone fooled, but not me. Oddly it still seems like I am the only one who is at all concerned. I try and push all negative thoughts out of my head, and decide that I will go and speak to Amara’s parents after my work is done for the day. Maybe I will even be able to see Amara.

“Hello. Hello. It’s Estella, is anyone here?”

The door to Amara’s house opens and her mom is standing in the doorway. “Hello dear one. I’m sad to say Amara isn’t here right now.”

“Oh? Where did she go?”

“She has been summoned to the Duke’s Mansion to start talking about wedding details. The messenger that called upon her made it seem like she might be there for a while. I suppose the Duke also wants to start getting to know the girl he will be spending the rest of his life with.”

“Please tell me how you really feel about all of this,” I inquire, after I pick up a sense of resentment in her tone. “I feel as if I’m the only one that is at all concerned! Why are you so willing to let her leave with a man she doesn’t even know?”

I instantly see the hurt that my words leave. I am glad to see that she isn’t affected by the Duke’s spell. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but your emotions make my heart glad. I thought I was the only one that was at all concerned by this.”

“No my dear, her Father and I are not happy with her decision. Amara is a stubborn girl, and who can blame her for wanting to latch herself onto the only good thing she might ever have in life. She will do as she pleases. Although accepting this is hard, I choose to love her anyway. Her Father, on the other hand, has turned his back to her. He says he will not be a part of this. He knows things about the Duke, things he won’t speak of even to me. He tried to make Amara see reason, but to no avail. Now Amara has left in anger, and I am unable to do anything but wait and see what plays out for my daughter.”

“It’ll be alright. Even if no one else believes us we have each other at least.”

Days turn into months, seeing Amara only once in a while. The more time that passes, the more her mother and I grow concerned. At first it seems like everything is alright and she came to visit quite often and seemed very happy every time she was around. She would always speak of her adventures and all the rich things the Duke was lavishing on her. Things changed as the months grew on and there was a gradual dimming in her eyes. She always tries to hide it when she is around us, but I can see that the magic is fading. She is getting thinner every time I see her and her once vibrant, silky hair lay dull and limp on her back. She still speaks happily about how the wedding plans are getting along, but she started to come by less and less. When anyone inquires of her wonderful fiancé, she gets almost glassy eyed and robotically says all is well and that things are fine.

She keeps making excuses like ‘I’m busy with wedding plans,’ or ‘It’s too hard to keep traveling back and forth so much.’ I on the other hand know otherwise. I am the only one who witnesses her look of desperation when the Duke’s men come back to pick her up. In these moments, she always looks so small, sad and afraid. She doesn’t want to go back but she always does as if some unseen force ties her up and carries her back into her dark carriage.

I eventually lost contact with Amara when she stopped coming to call altogether. The Duke had never once traveled to her village with her and she said that he didn’t like having guests in his mansion. So I try to bury my heavy heart and move on with life. This doesn’t take long when I meet Gale. He lives in the next town over and had come to sell some of his farm’s abundance during the summer and we instantly became inseparable. A month before Amara’s impending marriage, a few months after we met, Gale asked me to be his. He was no Duke, nor would he ever have the greatest riches in life, but we loved each other, and he made me so very happy. On a cool fall night, under our favorite tree, I pledged my life to him forever.

Three days before Amara was to be married, I am summoned to the Duke’s mansion for a party with her closest friends. She seems quite herself again, and giddy with happiness and I too am filled with happiness for her.

Tonight and forevermore I will put away my pride of her forgetting about me in the past year. She was to become a married woman and she had many responsibilities. I have to be understanding.

She is so happy to hear this and we dance and are merry, until suddenly one of the Duke’s men enters the room and comes to whisper in Amara’s ear. Whatever has passed between them makes Amara instantly turn pale as a ghost and I hear the mumbling, trembling words of, ‘I thought he was going to be away on business until the night before the wedding.’ Without saying a word to anyone else, and without anyone but myself knowing, she slowly follows the messenger out of the room to inquire of her fate.

I walk quietly to the door, amongst the bustle of drunken party girls and carefully glance through the cracked opening. I see one last glimpse of Amara as she follows the messenger up the long, winding staircase. I’ve never been upstairs before and for the first time in a long time, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach welcomes itself back. I am afraid to go upstairs, but I am terrified more for Amara. Gathering my courage I push open the door and tiptoe up the stairs. A dark hallway leads to a door where words like venom are being thrown around like darts, piercing all they hit.

“How dare you defy me!” I hear through the slightly ajar door as I quietly walk up and peek inside. What I see inside makes all the color drain from my face and I nearly collapse to the ground. I don’t see a man holding onto the thin wrist of my friend, but a horrific demonic entity. His claws dig into her wrist and fresh blood is now trickling down her arm and onto her dress. Though he has the look and face of a man, his piercing red eyes reveal the truth. He is now nearly double a normal human’s size. His whole presence seems to engulf the room and makes you feel small. “Answer me wench! How dare you defy me and allow people into my abode. How many times have I commanded you to never let this happen? You do know the price to pay for this insolence.”

“No, please stop. I don’t want to marry you! I want to go back home. I want to see my family. I want nothing to do with you, please!”

With those last heart-wrenching pleas coming from my friend’s mouth, my skin starts to crawl as the demons blood-curdling laugh grows louder. “You think you can get away from me so easily? I allowed you to keep some of your own precious memories and thoughts, but there is a price to pay for defying me. You knew the cost.” These last words are spoken with such unfathomable darkness, that I can’t stay put any longer. The next few moments seem like a complete blur. I saw the demon’s opposite hand being placed on Amara’s forehead just as I burst into the room. I feel like I must have said something heroic from the look of utter shock and joy that suddenly rushes over Amara’s face, but in my blind rush I feel as if my actions aren’t even my own. My body was taken over and someone else spoke the last words that Amara ever heard as her former self was completely taken over. A glossy look took over her eyes and her body went limp.

“It is too late for you to save her, little girl. She is completely mine now and she will do as I please. You along with everyone else she knows will be banished along with her memories.” Amara stands up and looks at me but not with knowing eyes. She was expressionless. She was gone.

“Amara!” I scream as I bolt upright in bed, my heart still racing.

Who were those people and why did they feel so real? Amara? Duke Kenneth? I feel as if I knew them long ago, but it is fuzzy and hard to hold onto. I guess that is what dreams do to you. A little fuzzy from the abrupt wake-up call, I look outside as the first lights of the new day are coming through the window.

“Estella?” A startled Gale comes running into the bedroom, holding little sleeping Sophia. “I heard you scream and I wanted to make sure everything was alright.”

“I think so. I just had a crazy dream. You were in it, but I have no idea who everyone else was. I feel as if they were real, long ago, and I have just forgotten about them.”

“That does seem like a crazy dream my dear, and I’m sorry it woke you with such a fright.” Gale gives her a quick kiss and hands Sophia over to her. “I must be getting to work now. Will you be alright?”

“Yes, I’ll be fine. Have a nice day at work.”

Placing Sophia into her crib, I ponder my dream as I walk over to give my wonderful husband a hug and kiss goodbye. “Thank you for always looking out for me. I couldn’t ask for a better man.”

After he leaves for the day, I check to make sure Sophia is still sleeping before I walk over to my dresser and pull out an old brittle string with a little heart shaped stone engraved with the letter “A.” Best friends forever, right A?