If people tell you that you'll never change, break the mold and change. Don't be just another doll on the shelf. Sometimes nothin ever goes right. Whenever we get low, we just get high. When you get a chance you need to take it. Never back down and never settle for less than you deserve. When you finally have something to lose, that's the moment you find out how strong you really are. You have people who love you, so don't think you're alone. There's always somebody worse off, but that doesn't mean your pain doesn't matter. When you think you have it all figured out, step back and look again. When you fall on your ass, hold out your hand and someone is bound to come along and help ya up. And when you think that your life is over, something new will come into your life and show you that it's not.

They aren’t given enough credit. Yes, we change our lives for them, we give the opportunity to have children, and we make dreams come true for them. But they give us a life to change for, they give that same opportunity, and they dream up dreams for us to make come true. We move houses, but they build them. We change names, but they give us the name to change ours to. We ‘steal their hearts’ but hey, that just means theirs hasn’t been broken in a million pieces before we were able to. We don’t give them enough credit at any moment in time and we sure don’t thank them enough for the things they do.

First time in Two and a Half years I looked at his profile. He's got a new wife. He spent no time finding a new one. A new friend, a new promise, a new partner. I mean, he gave it a little over Two years for another marriage, but how long did he give it before he let somebody else walk through that door? Now, I don't want him back, by any means. It got me thinking though.. Am I really that easy to replace? Especially for a man who told me I was his life friend, life promise, life partner and it would hurt so bad to ever watch me walk away for anything. I mean, we both decided, we both ended it, no fighting, just calm. Although, I figured I would be a little harder to forget or get over, but, I guess not. Guess I thought a little too much of myself, but don't worry I won't ever do that again. Hard to forget? No, I am nowhere near that. Replaceable? Yes, apparently definitely that.

When you are in a family with no recollection of any morals, you tend to be overlooked when something goes wrong, or even when something goes right. You eventually stop trying to get attention, whether its negative or positive attention. You stop trying to impress the rest with good grades or a game you've won in Soccer or even a medal you've won for first place in Dance Class. You don't try to be noticed anymore. You end up not caring if you disappear or if you get hurt or if you die. You could wreck your car and go to the hospital and they would only care about the car, or pass out at the County Fair from dehydration and you'd be fucking up their plans because they had to drive you to the hospital. They don't care and you end up seeing that. At some point.. you stop caring too..

He had dark brown hair and was tall, the perfect height for my head to lay on his chest and listen to his heartbeat, just thinking about it made me smile. His eyes were dark brown, just like a pool of chocolate and I couldn’t wait to dive in. The stride in his walk was like he was stepping to the beat of music that only I could hear. He was making me smile and he didn’t even know it. He looked my way and all I could do, in my shyness, was look down and keep walking. Well, with my not looking up, I walked right into a pole and had a bruise on my face for about a week afterwards. It was the most embarassing time of my highschool experience, and it was only my first week. I couldn’t talk to Chris for about 2 weeks while I got over my embarassment.

About a week after the pole incident for the bruise to go away and then another week for my embarassment to pass, I ran into Chris outside in front of the gym, and by ‘ran into’ I mean I knew what period he had gym and I made sure I was there when he got out. I was only able to muster out ‘hey how ya doin’?′ but at least I was able to talk to him. But I was still kicking myself in the ass when I was walking to my next class because I didn’t say anything more. I wasn’t going to admit anything, but honestly he had my heart in the palm of his hands and he had full ability to break it, but there I was completely head over heels hoping that he wouldn’t.

I could just write to you a faiytale novel and start with ‘Once Upon A Time’, but truthfully we live in the times where ‘Once Upon A Time’ also means ‘So {Blank} and I hooked up once again’ or some crap like that. So no, I am not gonna start it off like that because honestly, other than fairytale novels that we all were read as kids, who really starts off a relationship ‘love’ with ‘Once Upon A Time’?

Highschool is when it all began for my emotional rollercoster. I got obsessed with a guy, just like every other freshman girl in highschool is. This felt like more for me though instead of some stupid little crush. But I always fell hard for guys, I always just blamed it on my Hopeless Romantic qualities, or quirks whichever you prefer to call them, and it was true it was all because of that. I mean, is it so bad to want a perfect relationship? By perfect I mean, yes you fight, but even though you guys fight you make up and never leave? You stay together through the bad as well as the good? You can share your past hurts and past mistakes without feeling judged everytime you speak? I mean, who doesn’t want that? Well, I could tell you, this girl wanted that, maybe more than she wanted to pass highschool. And yes, you could blame that on her Hopeless Romantic little quirk but it was the truth and she knew exactly who she wanted that with. His name was Christopher Thornburg.

The way you kissed my lips

The way you were holding but at the same not

It's like you weren't there

You weren't into that kiss as much as I was

In fact, it's like it wasn't even you

That kiss was so unpassionate

I was wondering where your emotion was

You said you needed time

And all I heard was

Goodbye.

Well there he goes again, off to sleep early and not wanting a thing from me. I never look through his phone and I did, I found things that a faithful husband shouldn't even be considering.. Craigslist Personals. He says they were only in Bikinis but, then again, why would he try so hard to delete them before I saw them if they were only in bikini's? Now there's a question only he could answer, but I know he won't because he knows that I already know the answer. But I smile and pretend that I know nothing and that everything is fine because.. well because I love him and I know if he says those words and gives me that answer out loud we are going to be through. I love him too much to not look over his near-infedility but the truth is, I don't know if he is meeting up and hooking up with those girls that he found on there because it is that easy to get an email or phone number and an address. I never thought my marriage would end up with an, I actually do not know if he's been faithful or not but, emotionally unfaithful husband of 20 years and 3 kids. I always thought my husband and I would grow faithfully old together with 1 more than 3 kids and I would never have to second guess anything but that does not look like that is the case. But for now I guess I will just lay down next to him, without touching him, and just go to sleep and worry about everything else when the time comes. I will just have to see what happens and let my thoughts go for now.