There I stood where you left me

Dust collecting on my shirt

Far away from faded memories

Of when we stayed up chasing dirt

And my apologies

The hardest thing is being clean

Apart from that I start to bleed

Because you deserve much more than me

I can’t do better

I have tried

The best of me already died

A long long time ago

A long long time ago

And we crawl

We climb

We fall into our pit of lies

But with my arms open

I’ll learn to fly

And we call

Out in the night

Withdrawaling as the high subsides

But with my arms open

I can learn to fly

When the lights go black and then the pillow talk

The nighttime laughter in the den of dark

I vanish to enter the sadness hinders me

Misery concealed within the sheets

So my phone lights up just as the tears roll down

The sulking stops because I missed that sound

And everything seems so new to me now

So I read her name then I say it out loud

And it’s as if I’ve heard it for the first time

Just a few syllables to burn my cursed mind

So I write one line in my hard cover journal

It was something poetic, I forgot the words though

A step to the left and I’m surrounded by roses

Rays of the sun leak through the blood dripping thorns

The pain went unnoticed as I focused on foot prints

Which guided me directly to candles around her

The burning of incense layered smoke in a circle

Shifting and swaying in the breeze with her dress

The sun was eclipsed by the moon, a slight darkness

Fell over the landscape, silent motioning lips

Caught in a moment as if frozen in time

Flames of the candles grew large and then died

And out of the bushes ran a red rising fluid

It flowed into my wounds and filled me with life

I turned my attention to the vines of the earth

Surfacing roots as if serpents in birth

Awakened from dirt, taking a first breath

They shot into my stomach and out of my chest

She said, “this will be the place where you stay until death.

Giving me the life you have hated with each breath,

an eternity will pass before you wither away

For the blood of the earth, will keep you far from decaying ”

And each word felt sharp as my sight went dark

And my body hardly had the strength to blink

So I shut my eyes and let my thoughts subside

And now I think I’ve been asleep for some time

A rush of compassion and warmth

Ran amok in my vast veins

As the autumn leaves fell off

I was lost in its display, of rain.

The wind sounds serenade me

When conversing with the trees

And in solitude a beautiful truth, is that

I need only me

So clouded my perception

By the infectious thoughts of love

So I wander through, into a new direction

Seems the best has yet to come

Once undone like distant rip tides

Pulling each part of me

But the bottom of the sea is where

I found my sanity

And I’m not afraid to be.. me

Could you promise me,

That I’ll never be alone?

That every time you wander away,

You’ll find your way back home?

I’ve lost all of my aches

Paired with everything I own

And all of my desires

Thrown in the fire,

watch it grow

Could you swear to me!

That I’m worth the war we fight

Before the sight of white flags waving

Would you stay with me tonight

And don’t we suffer enough

Way down under the rough

Rocks that cover the cold

Emptiness that we hold

And I’ve been lost in the wake

Of the storm she creates

Wading lost in the water

Of the tears that she’s made

And he was kept to himself

In a locked room most nights

Awake for the moonlight

Curled by the window sometimes

And she was upbeat and social

A full force to be seen

But never forcefully needed

To be noticed, at least

He was silent outide

But underneath he was crying

They all called him strange,

Too awkward and quiet

She could see from his smile

That there was pain underneath

She tried for a while

To give him what he might need

But I shattered the gifts, with a violent outbreak

Of every withheld emotion

And all of that hidden pain

Because of this I cant thank you

Not enough, though I do wish

I could someday repay you

Until then there is this

Just a poem to reach you, you who I’ve missed.

She asked me kindly for one last kiss

I fell in love with its emptiness

Another drug found to numb my lips

And because of this, I think I‘ve lost my grip

I steady shiver in the absence of

Another song bird must’ve stayed too long

She stained the bed sheets with her sweet fragrance

And because of this, I feel a loneliness

Can’t taste the flavors in my home cooked meals

Touching silverware just gives me chills

I found a building with an adequate height

Now I think I might, run and take the flight

I’ll finally see her if I face the fall

Like coming down into a hard withdrawal

Above it all, yeah I can see the world

I‘ll do it now because I miss that girl..

She asked me kindly for one last kiss

My tears were falling as I leaned right in

She had a smile, as I kissed her lips

The loud beep blaring was hard to miss

I felt depleted as the nurse ran in

Pulled me away for chest compressions

And that was the last time that I felt alive

By the hospital bed, is where we died.

The morning after I killed myself I fell in love

I took a walk down the street and felt the sun inbetween, a cold breeze.

She was standing in the shade of those evergreen trees,

And everything had just seemed, as it was meant to be

The morning after my suicide I knew that I was free

Free to carry my decisions

To anywhere they would lead

And I decided to wander around aimlessly

Until I finally looked up and watched the sunset on the sea

God forgive me

The day after I died was the moment I realized

That every problem I faced

Was just a matter of time

And as a matter of fact

I’ve got one thing to offer

I’m a loyal friend

Would be a damn good father

And I act out of honor in nearly everything I do

’I hate to burst your bubble, shy. You’re a junky.’ Yeah that’s true

But didn’t you say that every days another day?

That every vein fades away and every vacant face holds pain

Well,

I’ve been thinking vaguely lately

What does that phrase mean for you?

Because today I’ll Rest In Peace, but I wonder what you will do.

It’s an intense feeling when I think about it,

That multiple dimensions might exist

My mind drives it even further, into thinking about this:

That I am here and now

Its not the only place I live

My memories are based on

The dimensions I am in

Then its likely to imagine

I might wake up next to you

In a separate earth reality

In a world I belong to

Though its so frustrating now

When I am there and you’re around

I bet I never even think

About escape, or a way out

Since we were lovers

We will not be friends

How ’bout the others

Delicate descent

And we we’re lost inside

The alibis

That we designed from sins

Another sleepless night

A candles light

Extinguished by..cold finger tips

In between covers

Not close enough to touch

As far from eachother

As the blankets offered us

And we were left to rest

In the sound of breathing

Shivering chills exhaling steam...

She moved in closer

So I pulled her into me...

Since we’ve been lovers

You‘ve meant everything to me

I’m left to wonder

Do I mean anything to you?