You never fixed the door. It hung on one hinge for the entire four years I lived in this pit. Every time a storm came it banged and banged and banged, spooky drums of the damned. On summer days it squeeked and groaned, a rusty mockery and a reminder of the impotence of my repeated complaints.

When the pipe broke I called right away. It was raining in my living room. My late grandmother’s painting was ruined. So was my TV. You showed up in an instant to turn the water off. Then I waited six days with no shower or toilet, buying drinking water at the grocery store and hoping to see the promised repair van arrive soon. You did not offer to replace my belongings.

The virus hit. Apparently I am a non-essential worker. I asked if I could pay the rent late, for the first time in four years. I told you my mom was willing to mail me a check to help out. Surprise registered on your face. I wasn’t sure if you were surprised I had a mother, or that my mother was willing to help me. Yes, black men have mothers, too.

You gave me 24 hours to vacate. You sent this eviction notice. The stores are out of toilet paper. This will do.

1. We can't forget the obvious - wipe your ass.

2. To keep with the mundane - blow your nose.

3. Cry into it.

4. Use it to wipe off the makeup that all your crying as smeared.

5. Grab the pen from your bathroom counter and scribble a poem, then flush it down the toilet.

6. Wrap your tampon.

7. Build a toilet paper fort.

8. Turn yourself into a mummy.

9. Turn your cat into a cat mummy.

10. If you're a terrible person, you can jack up the price and sell it.

11. Eat it, what else do you have to do, really.

12. Wipe the dust off your desk, maybe you'll actually use it if it's clean.

13. Use the empty roll as a cat toy.

14. Recycle the now destroyed empty roll.

15. Cover the scratch on your finger from playing with your cat.

16. Wipe off excess nail polish.

17. Stare at it and contemplate something complicated.

18. Have a lively debate over whether the toilet paper should unravel under or over (it's over).

19. Stuff a couple peices into an envelope to send to your friend as a practical joke because you're scared and humor is the only way you know to cope with your emotions.

20. Realize how insensitive what you just did was, and wipe your face with toilet paper as you start to cry again.

21. Organize the toilet paper in the cabinet under the bathroom seat in an attempt to control something when everything feels out of control.

22. Go to get a drink of water, spill it, and use toilet paper to wipe it up.

23. Now you need to go to the bathroom, use the toilet paper to wipe your ass.

Rinse and repeat until we can go outside safely again.