Wrap me up in memories as if they’re my best suit. Let laughter be the music that challenges the deafening silence. Forbid sadness from all hearts and souls because yes, this is my funeral, but you know I wouldn’t want your last time seeing me to be so full of such agony.

So here we are; give us one more good memory together. Give us the brightness of your smile and the shining in your eyes that I always found to be mesmerizing. Take us back to the start where we promised each other our future. Ignore that said future was far too quickly put to a stop, and once you leave here, it will be known as the past.

Distract us from the fact that my laughter ringing through your head is just the echo of memories tricking your ears. It’s only the ghost of my arms around you that has you feeling as secure as you feel; don’t dwell on this.

Draw your focus away, go up to someone, and talk; talk about how we met. Tell them how close the two of us were from the start. Say this so you don’t bring up how you had to throw away the scarlet-stained clothes you were wearing the day you found me.

Don’t tell them how desperate you felt when you were pressing cloth against wrists of rushing red. How you didn’t let the glint of light reflected from the silver in hand distract you from trying to stop the inevitable. Don’t tell them any of this, it will only make things worse for all, now is not the time.

Just dress up in memories with me. Give us now to have one more good memory together. No bringing up how I’m one more lost soul that no one ever got to truly know. Here, in this moment, you’re as lost a soul as I am.

So for now, I need you to keep going as if I’m right by your side. As if I gave you all of the strength you have and doubled it. You know that’s what I would have wanted.

It’s when you get home that I know I’ll be one more reason for the tears racing from those mesmerizing eyes down to your beautiful heart. I feel terrible knowing I won’t be able to comfort you just once more. Know that my love for you didn’t die with me. And leaving you? That was the hardest part.

I dream of poetry.

Your smile shines light on my pages

So I can find new ways to tell you

I love you.

I dream of letters.

Your dimples catch each one I need

To put together the words you deserve

To hear I feel.

I dream of time.

Your hands catch each second

And encase them in our fingers

So we have enough of it.

I dream of happiness.

You always step right up

Making my heart flutter

With nothing but.

I don’t dream of you.

You’re right beside me

Unknowing you make reality

Worth living.

I grew up

Before the child in me

Was ready to go.

She claws her way out

Reminding me she's there;

That I am her.

She reminds me

I'm not just looking out for me,

I'm looking out for us.

Sometimes I tell her

Watch out kid

You're getting in my way.

But kids are stubborn

And if you tell them no

They don't like to listen.

So when I tell her go

She grabs my hand

And tells me no.

I am living in our body

And she wants to know

I'm doing right by us.

She's helping me

Take care of us

And survive.

But when I tell her no

It's because I'm scared;

Kids don't understand that.

Kids like to do first

Ask later;

Feel later.

She's the same kid

That skinned her knee

To prove she's tough.

Little me is the same kid

That proved to the boys

She can do that too.

She's the kid that tells me

If she could do that

Then I already did.

When boys threw rocks at her

She chased them down

And kicked their ass.

So when boys exchange rocks for words

She tells me to chase them down;

Kick their ass.

If she can do it

Then I already did.

H.

You kiss like sin and taste like heaven. I'm aware of the poison slowly leaking from your tongue to my veins, but it almost has a hint of cinnamon to it. A blast of peppermint covers the bitter taste of my last moments. I knew death was beautiful I just didn't expect the sex to drip from its invitation. Your taste has a certain fluidity in seeping toxins into my soul. This most beautiful darkness I've never seen other than coming from your lips steals my breath in the most lively death; all I can think is: don't stop.

You told me that to sacrifice is not always to be brave, but sometimes means simply that you've given in. You also told me I'm better than just giving in, better than just anything. I heard you when you said I am not just me, but I am myself. That it is so beautiful to be myself. I shrugged your words off as I do my own; as if the time you just gave me was insignificant. It wasn't.

She was always more beautiful the next day than she was the one before. Not because she wasn't stunning, but because each day she gained more of herself for people to fall in love with. Each memory made, was another for her to tell. I fell in love all over, every moment she shared from her day. Another day I got to love her was more beauty added to her, because I got to see another day worth of her loving me back. And my, she had a way of making you shine with the special way she loved. I know that love is often spoken of, but happiness is contagious right? I think people just want to make others feel how they feel by sharing their happiness; and my happiness was her.

I wonder if people ever think of me.

Not in a sense of hatred

Or with true knowledge of anything concerning me.

No, I just wonder if they passed me by,

Saw me acting a fool,

And wanted to join in.

I wonder if I smiled at them,

And they wanted to see it again.

I wonder all of this, knowing it to not be.

I wonder this,

But for a different me.

For the me I was supposed to be.

I would wait.

However long.

If you said you wanted time,

You would get it.

I would give you time

On a maybe,

A probable no;

And that terrifies me.

I would wait,

But I know there is no reason to.

Yet I still hang on

To every minute you may need

So I can give all of it to you

Just in case time is what you need for us.