I don’t like wine but I want to
I vomit words of sultry sounds taking up space but never enough
“Most want it” she said she only knows shadows
He is not a shadow he is real and maybe that is what makes him worry
I grasp his fingers in mine set a timer
Allow for thoughts to enter and leave
Never stay
Constantly scared by the rain but it’s cleansing
You can’t clean oil only watch it metastasize
Sometimes I am cruel about it
Sometimes I sleep
He wakes me
Silky red poured into crystal
Tomorrow is coming
But Today has not yet arrived...
I sent my teeth through my lip
And when it happened, I forgot. I forgot why I jammed knifes into my hips every night to the drumming beat of nostalgia. He is humming along as my body arches like a wave beneath his. I am motionless and my mind is running. I forgot why I smile at the stoic people trying to ignite their coldness into a kindling warmth. My blood signs the marriage and death certificate, you are one of us now, they will own me someday. I forgot why I gave myself to charity and people with locks on their hearts. I would try every key, but they have taken all that is left of me. I forgot as I hover below the water, my teeth through my lip, I can see the surface of my future in the palms appearing before the pines. And I take a breath in the water and peer longingly towards the light. I’ve hurt him. I’ve hurt him. It was an accident...
Right?
welcome back
pieces of yesterday's shrapnel are stuck to my spine creating a mosaic of colorful feelings of much more vibrant times...
And in those pieces of pieces of pieces I see merely a reflection of my old rhymes with no rhythm
Riddle me this...
Ask me a yes or no question about the way I hold my head in my hands
Tell me why I have grown dumb against the beating waves of conformity and comfort
I am no longer comfortable in my own skin...skin...
Skin is translucent sent to self-destruction under construction an abduction of clarity leaving dumb thoughts and actions restless tireless like my car in the middle of fourth street no it's a dead end. It's the end. The end?
I promised myself I would write again
When things weren't so bad and I had more friends to fall back on and on my thoughts are still spinning
I feel alive again
I am alive again
Again
I am not a writer
But I can sure as hell write
in our future
our hands have adapted to our environment
replaced with contraptions, buttons and bells
our eyes are now
only screens, and our minds are dead the moment we are deemed alive
they were selling memories for millions and emotions at half price
no one knows each other and eventually we stopped naming our children
because what was the point?
after all
they are only a username and password
twitter controlled our actions, facebook pages our memories and instagram filtered our image
until we became unrecognisable...
even to ourselves
our words are no longer meaningful...
only abbreviated syllables
our hands...
they are incapable of holding one another
it is impossible for hearts to beat because our blood stream was microchipped with the poison of disposition
we can't love...
we can only "like"
like posts, pictures, comments...
but never ourselves
So...
why are you still staring at this screen?
go tell your lover
you love them
because
maybe one day
you'll wake up
and they'll be gone
traded for a tweet
"liked" instead of loved.
I have been sleeping
Crayons melt to my fingertips
I am now never without a writing utensil to sign important documents
I should not be signing
Because all too often do I cross my "t" s backwards
Incorrectly dot my "i"s and "w"s
Misspell spellings spelled
like homonyms and hymns
Which I am informed are different from each other
Who knew a few minutes of sleep and no serenity could result in the total absence of one's mind
Funny...
Isn't it?
To Sara who said she would like this
Dizzy children hammer upon the tables in a furious manner
Running on 243 minutes of sleep
Yelling profanity at the man whose eyes could barely close for a second
A moment goes by and I am insane instantly
I am still typing, Sara.
It keeps me sane
For at least a moment
