The Price Of Justice

David hears an almost silent rap on the door. Uncertain the noise wasn’t imagined, he opens the door quietly to investigate. As he peers out into what should be a vacant corridor, David finds my gaze upon him. His eyes open wide and almost gasp in surprise. Afraid to draw attention, he recovers quickly.

“Marcus!” He screams my name as a whisper, his speech fast and harsh. “What the hell’re you doing here, man?!”

“Whatcha think?”

Pausing for just a moment to contemplate slamming the door in my face, he looks to see if anyone has noticed us. Confident no one was watching, David reaches one of his mammoth hands out and snatches me by the top of half of my shirt. He lifts me off my feet and yanks me into his apartment. “Get in here, damn it!” As he was closing the door he glanced around one last time.

I wouldn’t blame him for turning me away. If I was him, I probably would. David has an unshakable loyalty, albeit begrudgingly. When he turns to me, there is fire in his eyes. For a split second, I wonder if he’s about to lay me out. I wouldn’t stand a chance against him. He is a powerfully built black man who’d look more at home playing pro football than in the private sector. He and I go way back to playground scuffles. Once in the sixth grade we went at each other, and it was the first, and only fight I’d ever conceded. I wasn’t eager to revisit the experience.

“Is you crazy coming here man?!” He bellows softly, hands on his hips and mere feet from me. He gestures to the living area. “I got my kids!”

I have learned over the years that holding David’s stare is vital. He doesn’t respect anyone who can’t look him dead straight in the face.

“Sorry man.” Shaking my head, “I didn’t know they was here today. I got nowhere else to go.”

David visibly struggles through a myriad of emotions. I can see that knocking me unconscious and leaving me outside the door is still a possibility. Then, he relaxes and realizes he and I have been through it. He couldn’t turn his back on history.

Scowling as he looks me up and down. “Man, you’re a mess.” He shakes his head. “What’d you do, crawl here?”

I take a breath, not sure that I want to share the details.

“Man, you don’t wanna know. They will tag you with some bogus ‘you musta helped me charge’.”

He doesn’t move, not a muscle.

“Seriously man, I don’t want to drag you deeper.”

David grunts, gestures to the restraints around me waist, but still says nothing.

Knowing that he would hear the story, even if he had to beat it out of me, I sighed. “I escaped through the recycling yard. Then I dug out under the fence since there was no way to go over without getting jolted.”

I paused and David motioned to keep talking, so I did. “Once I was out, I crawled through fields of mud to avoid the hot-dogs and watchlights.”

David is still quiet, I shrug. “Surprise, here I am...”

David scans me as he is shaking his head. I imagine I look like hell. To be real, I don’t feel much better. After crawling through ten miles of mud, grass, and weed in the hardest rainstorm to hit the area in a decade, my head is throbbing and my ears were ringing. I imagine that when the adrenaline finally wears off, I’ll collapse.

“Marcus,” David begins in a cordial tone, “The cops’ve hit this place twice tonight. They probably have it staked out.”

I nod, my emotions numb. At this point, it feels like I will be numb forever. “Figured.”

David says, “You can’t stay here.”

My chest tightens and I feel like I am about to puke. I’d never planned to ask Marcus for shelter, but hearing him speak the words drives home the severity of my situation. They are so final, unquestionable, as though a door has been closed on a house that’s being vacated.

I may never return home again.

“I know.” I sighed, and quickly continued, “Do you still have those omni-keys?”

The knowledge of what I am asking of him finally hits David. Until this instant, he has committed no crime. He might get a slap on the wrist for letting me in, but no law has been broken. He could still alert the authorities to my whereabouts and walk away untarnished.

Standing there staring at me he replied, “Yeah. Wait here just a sec.”

He lingers on me for a moment longer and then turns, disappearing into his room.

A flash of panic takes me over and I consider bolting out the front door. I don’t know if he’s searching for the unikeys or making a phone call. I may be overstepping my worth and he may be just done with me. My mind is racing and my heart is fluttering. I am still trying to figure out my next move when he emerges with a small, rectangular, silver object.

My anxiety vanishing as he says, “I don’t know if these work on cuffs, man.”

“Worth a shot. I ain’t got nothing else to try.”

He hesitates, but then affixes the omni-key to the bolt at my waist. It takes three attempts before the omni-key translates the tumbler, and my chains fall heavily to the ground.

A warm sensation courses through my extremities as I stretch, grimacing and raising my hands above my head. It feels like I discovered movement for the first time.

David looks at me with sadness. “How long have they kept you chained up?”

“Since they moved me to the prison yesterday.”

“They make you sleep like that?”

I nod.

David asks, “Marcus... why’d you break out?”

I look at him, surprised he’d ask such a question. “Ann’s funeral is tomorrow.”

“Are you joking! That’s why you busted out? You got a lotta brass, man. No one wanted to see you there before you got sent up.”

“I ain’t goin’ for anyone else.” I took a breath before continuing, “Ann was the only woman who was ever there for me... I mean really there for me. I dunno, man. How can I miss this?” I begin to remove my drab, and completely soaked, grey prison jumpsuit. “I gotta say goodbye, you know.”

“You know, a lotta people say she’d still be here if she’d never ran into you.”

My blood ran cold. I’m used to taking that kind of heat from my family, but not from people I actually care about.

Turning to look at David, I can see that he regrets his words. There is genuine sorrow in his eyes. “I’m sorry, bro. I didn’t mean that.”

Funny thing about words, once they are out the damage is done. I know that coming here places him in a precarious situation. I know that I should forgive him the thoughtless moment, but stabbing me would have hurt less. All I could do was stare at him.

“It’s just…” he offers, “...just what a mess. All of it.”

“I know,” is the only concession I can make just yet. “Do you still keep a stash of clothes you mean to give away, but never find time?”

David smirks. “Hang on.”

He quickly returns and tosses a laundry sack at my feet. “Somethin in there should work.”

I pick out a plain black shirt and matching jeans. Before I can pull the drawstring closed, he waves me off. “You’re gonna need ’em.”

“Thanks.”

“You know they’re gonna have be watchin for you at the funeral.” He says, “The moment you show your face…” He snaps his fingers and draws his hand across his neck in a telltale gesture, “...that’s a wrap.”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“You got a plan, Marcus?”

I shake my head. “...no.”

“Dude, seriously?” David steps towards me. “You know what they’re gonna do to you when they catch you, right?”

I exhale as the seriousness of my fate hits me. “I’m aware, just don’t care.”

Shaking his head, he steps forward but I put my hand up and say, “This is somethin I gotta do, alright? I gotta say goodbye to Ann. I owe her. After that, I don’t really give a damn what happens to me.”

Opening his mouth to speak, I cut him off again. “I did what I was convicted of, okay? I need to be locked away for awhile. I did it, I own it. But I gotta say goodbye to the only person who made me believe I was worth a damn.”

Shaking his head, David snatches me off of my feet and hugs me tight enough to make breathing a challenge. I return the gesture because I know, one way or another, this is probably going to be the last time we see one another. “Why you always gotta get yourself into trouble, Marcus…” His voice is cracking, “Damn it, why?”

“I’m sorry, man.” It’s all I can offer. When Ann died, not many people were surprised that I snapped and did what I did. But a small few, like David, believed in me and I let them down.

“I’m so sorry.” I say a little choked up.

David releases me and clears his throat, reasserting his gruff exterior. “You gotta get outta here, man.” He points to the other end of the apartment and says, “Head out the back. The cops aren’t back there a whole lot. You should be able to duck out without being seen.”

I smiled. It was bittersweet to watch my oldest friend break a rule. “Thanks for everythin. Thanks for the memories, man.”

We look at each other for a moment longer as if memorizing each other’s features. We shake hands and hug like brothers, and then I step past him, heading for the back door that leads to his yard.

“Marcus?” David asks me as I grip the handle.

I turn back to him. “Yeah?”

“Was it worth it?”

It’s the most direct question I’ve ever been asked regarding what happened, and I am a little taken aback. Everyone wanted to know if I did it, no one cared why or if it was a choice I would make again. Not my public defender, not the overzealous prosecutor, not even the judge when he handed down my sentence.

Honestly, I’ve not thought about it since that night. I don’t remember much.

I remember my terror at finding her - lifeless. I remember seeing blood surrounding her. Then I remember seeing him.

The person who was supposed to protect her from the world took the very breath from her. After that, everything was a blur. The rage set in and... I don’t even know. Things were breaking. Things that were once part of a living being. When I was finally pulled off that monster who took the most precious thing in my life, he was no longer breathing himself. I took from him, what he took from her. I did that. In those moments, I was the monster. In truth, I wished I’d done it sooner because if I had maybe Ann would still be alive.

Maybe…

I cocked my head at David and said, “Ask me again in twenty-five years.” I paused and added, “Plus whatever else they give me for this.”

David smiles at me in a wistful manner.

I try to smile back, but I don’t remember how anymore.

I turn, open the door, and step back into the storming night and an uncertain tomorrow.

The End