The dawn is approaching. I’m perceiving it in my bones while my eyes are still closed.

My muscles want to stretch but I can’t undertake one single move after having wandered in the dark and climbed the many slopes of a lonely night. Dry. I’m feeling dry, sore and empty of my unfulfilled desire for him. Doesn’t an untouched skin suffer as much as an abused and raped skin? I am wondering.

Violent. I am violated by hunger and despair. I need so much to be loved. To be loved. To be loved. To exist under his manly and radiant touch.

The best in me leans on my tears

Through them my eyes can clearly see

My consciousness leans on my fears

Through them my thoughts are free

The strongest part of me leans on my writing

Through its ink blood my heart feels

The worst in me gives to my life its meaning

Through its purpose I plant seeds.

Jeanne Chanet-Garcia

”Shut up! Shut the fuck up!”

There! She had let all her bitterness and jealousy come out of her mouth with an enraged pout of disgust.

She was unable to keep up with the frantic and enthusiastic pace of my ideas and I always ended up winning the contracts with our biggest clients. Despite my desire to include her in the advertising projects I was leading, to make room for her to express herself and get more involved, she only criticized me and tried to slow me down...

I had said nothing. The violence with which she had vomited her words on me in front of her small clan of impressionable wimps and our potbellied boss fond of competition and battles of egos had totally flabbergasted me. ”Above all, don't cry! Above all, don’t cry in front of them!” I had silently and stressfully repeated to myself. My hope for seeing humans be inclined to get along and work together had exploded in my ”face, in my fucking face”, now covered with vomit and blood, and I had only one thing in mind: to get away from these rots and never again have confidence in humanity, me included, poor naive bitch I was!

I don’t remember how I got there. The waves are breaking on my bare feet. I can’t move although I think I just ran away from something. I ran away to the sea, to the beautiful and eternally breathing sea. The respiration of the Earth.

It is breathing like I am now. I just ran and my heart is beating strong and heavy. And the sea is loud. Loud, and yet appeasing.

I can’t remember what I ran away from. I don’t want to move anymore. I am breathing more calmly now. I just know I am here, at destination, at the sea, at the beautiful and breathing sea.

The twilight is near

Purple and mystical

And yet I am retaining the hot shiny day

Wanting more hours

To dance on the grass

And eat raspberries

Warmed up by the sunshines.

The dawn is approaching

Pale and hopeful

And again I am holding on to the fading starry night

Wishing to grasp eternity

In the contemplation of the aether

And the blink of shooting stars

Desintegrating in the breath of the Earth.

Now I am laughing at myself.