Problems, struggles and mistakes are our servants in teaching us the valuable lessons of life.

Where there is a problem, there is a lesson to be learned. Where there is a struggle, there is a chance to overcome. Where there is a mistake, there is a point to be made.

Without problems, we have no opportunities to learn. Without struggles, we have no chances to overcome. Without mistakes, we have no moments of humility.

A word from the wise is like a problem solved, a struggle overcame, a mistake avoided.

Well, this is it. It’s time to change. I hate change. I don’t want to change. I wish I could stay the way I am until the day I die and still be happy. I’m not looking forward to this crap. I really don’t want to do anything. I mean, what’s the point? Shit is going to turn out the way it has all the other times. I’m just going to disappoint myself and everyone around me. I’m a hopeless case. And to everyone else, I’m a helpless case. No one wants to be around me. I mean, come on. Who’s to blame them? I’m fucking pathetic if you ask me.

I’m scared to change. I don’t know how to do it. All my life I’ve been reliving the same ole past experiences in my head over and over. I can’t seem to break free from this repetitive-cycled hellhole. It’s clutched around my neck by the hands of self-inflicted torture and pain. And I’m not exaggerating. That’s the worst part. Never mind all the times I’ve thought about how the world would be if I was no longer in it. Look at me...I’m a fuckin’ wreck!

Tomorrow, I’m going to ask my brother if he wants to be my mentor. You know, someone I can look up to and be held accountable by. Plus, I could use someone to talk to. I spent most of last night balling my eyes out like a little fuckin’ baby, completely alone. What else are you supposed to do when life fucks you in the ass and you have no one else around to vent your thoughts to and comfort you? Hold your head up high?

Keep a happy mindset? Stay positive and hope for the best?

Ha! Not me. Not at all me. I’m the scummiest of scum. The bacteria on the seat of a shitter have more value than me. At least it doesn’t go around breaking people’s hearts and ruining other people’s lives. Man, I gotta do something about this. About me.

Why is it so hard for me to focus on myself? When I do, I feel like I’m wasting my time on something that will never bring me the joy and satisfaction I’ve been looking for. That’s fucked up, right? I mean, the way I think. I know I have piss-poor self-esteem. I don’t believe in myself—hell, the last 5 years have been nothing but a lie! A stupid, no-good-for-nothin’ lie.

Wow! That may have been the most honest thing I’ve said about myself so far. Even my lies have lies, which have lies and even more lies. And I expect people to feel sorry for me? For what? Destroying my own life? Everything that has ever happened in my life has been a direct result of the choices I’ve made AND the choices I didn’t make. In the end, I’m the only one held accountable for my life, right? God’s gonna look at me and wonder why I never did anything with my time. I don’t want God or anyone else to be ashamed of me.

The guilt from being the low-life I’ve become has been tearing away at my soul, robbing me of peace, love, contentment and joy. And what I’m left with is sorrow, misery and despair. But at least YOU feel sorry for me, right? Ha.

Get a grip on yourself, man! You’ve let yourself go! How could you ever let yourself get this way? You were taught better than that. You were raised better than that. I grew up around things that were better than that. Guess what? There’s no other way for me to say this, so lemme just hit you with it straight…You are out of excuses brother! There is no one else left to blame but yourself. Don’t you see that? It’s time to start taking responsibility for your own actions like a man and grow up a little bit.

Stop being a damn titty baby all the time, cryin’ to yourself about how none of your friendships have ever turned out right, wallowing in pain from the mistakes of the past, feeding some ghosts that cease to exist. Those thoughts are dead! And there is no hope for reviving them and bringing them back to life. Ya hear that? Absolutely zero hope! Not even the size of a piece of grain. Get it through that thick skull of yours. You will never be able to relive those things which happened in the past. Those things are 110% done and over with.

Those people don’t like you anymore, and most of them probably hate your guts for the way you mistreated them. Stop thinking those ghosts forgave you and still love you and wish that things could just go back to the way they were…Now that’s ultimate, Class-A deception right there! Whether you see it or not, it’s there. And it’s not going away until you look it in the eyes and face it like a real champ. No room for cowards here. Only the best of the best and the bravest of the brave can dine at the king’s table.

Oh, come on now! It’s not that bad to be alone, now is it? You shouldn’t always have people in your company anyways, robing you of your time, focus and attention. How dare you give those things away to people unworthy of them! What a disgrace! God is the only one who truly deserves your ENTIRE authentic self. After all, he’s the one who freakin’ created you, man! He knows you way better than you know yourself. And you expect other people to know all about you and about what makes you happy when they don’t even have any real revelation of themselves? What nonsense! Total rubbish!

People are not put here on this earth to please you. They have better things on their mind than that, like themselves for instance. Stop giving a rip about people who only care about themselves, and most definitely not you! But God cares…He cares so much that he gave his only Son’s life to save you and be with you. It’s time to respect that sacrifice and grow the fuck up!

Goodnight.

(To Be Continued. . .)

Rise. Rise. Rise up out

of those ashes.

Embrace the Wholeness

of creation.

Feel the One

heartbeat.

Weep for Things

unseen.

Shine before All

men.

Gentle and

humble.

Kind and

compassionate.

Clothed,

not naked.

Fed,

not starving.

Free,

not bound.

Healed,

not lame.

Pure, and without

shame.

Holy, and without

blame.

Rise to the

occasion.

Soar past the

limitations.

From within,

follow.

Rooted deep,

hallowed.

Existence ceased,

swallow.

It's time to end

all crime.

Open your eyes and

witness the signs.

The coming of a

new day.

Blessed with Peace,

no disarray.

Nor discord among

the Brethren.

Unity for all, and

all for Unity.

Hand in Hand, the

fulfilling of Destiny.

Hand in Hand, the

Cleansing of impurity.

Hand in Hand, the

Heavens opened up.

Rise. Rise. Rise up out

of those ashes.

Embrace the Wholeness

of creation.

Feel the One

heartbeat.

.thUmp...

...thuMp.

.thumP...