When I was a child,

Things were simple,

Everything was black and white,

A smile meant happiness,

A frown meant that a person was sad,

When I was child,

Things were simple,

Tears indicated pain,

Pain indicated more tears,

And bandaids soothed the cuts,

Now that I'm adult,

The scars don't fade,

The bruises don't heal the same,

And happiness isn't as easy to come by,

When I was a child,

Things were simple,

Why is being an adult so complicated?

Wandering down a road of no return,

The Mexico air gives me no relief,

I feel the shackles claiming my skin,

Burning it with fierce metal coolness,

Staining my ribcage with wicked shapes,

Spooning my backside like cradled hands,

I want to be free of the chains that restrain me,

That bind me from the inside,

My eyes are growing weary,

Cast down to stare at tattered feet,

Damn, I regret those tequila shots,

Those shots,

The ones that have clearly have me hallucinating,

The ones that made me a raging fool,

Whispers cloud my ears,

Treacherous words overflowing,

I dwell too long on the melody of the wind,

I take solitude in its fury,

I yank and pull at the cage that has me entangled,

Choked sobs escape from desperate lips,

A bastard forced to walk the Earth,

Abandonment sneers at its creation,

Searching,

Seeking,

A hand that matches my hand,

Skin that bears purple undertones,

A face to claim my pain,

Wandering down a road of no return,

Wondering if he’s wandering too?

Dear Insecurities,

I really hate you,

I hate you,

You who moves like a wildfire,

Ripping and tearing apart my insides,

Crushing my organs like a cancer,

You who makes me hideous,

You who removes logical thoughts,

And replaces them with manic voices,

You who manipulates the mind,

Leaving me to wallow in good times past,

You who violates my inner peace,

You who is unyielding,

Relentless in your goal to terminate and triumph,

You who have ruined my life,

Swallowing it and claiming it as yours,

You who have sewn my lips shut,

Rendering me silent,

Incapable of speaking out against your wicked ways,

You who have inked my body with cutting words,

A permanent reminder of who I am not,

And never will be,

You who have bounded my essence with restraints,

Hiding my freedom behind thick walls of hate,

You who have made me inferior,

Lesser than,

A subordinate of your freight train,

Only one destination in sight,

I really hate you,

I hate you,

Dear insecurities,

I guess I hate me too.

In she came,

Pushing and shoving her way in,

Barreling through the massive crowds,

Baring her soul for the world to see,

It was black and hardened,

Used and abused,

Tossed and tarnished,

Broken,

My eyes could crumble at the sight,

There she stood,

Head held high toward the sun’s light,

A ghost of a smirk lit her face,

Blood seeped down her legs,

The red liquid complimenting her dark flesh,

Whispers crawled against her skin,

Leaving kisses in their wake,

The sun began to set,

The moon taking its place,

And just like she came she went,

Pushing and shoving her way back,

Barreling through the massive crowds,

Baring her soul for the world to see,

But this time when she left,

She forgot all about me.