It is no secret that the world is a scary place to live in at this moment in time. Mental illness is at an all-time high. We are seeing mental illness that has been left untreated play out in a very unfortunate series of events right before our eyes. It is okay if you are feeling a significant increase in anxiety now surrounding the horrible events that have taken place recently in our society.

It is a shame that we must deal with these unfortunate and devastating situations. It has become even more apparent that the United States has a problem with gun regulations. I know many people might try to argue that the problem lies within the person and not the weapon. However, to me, that is not the most rational statement, because someone must pull the trigger on the weapon to inflict pain and suffering on others.

Sure, I won’t deny that there is a problem with mental illness that has been left untreated and neglected. I will admit that there is an obvious barrier to the techniques and resources needed. I do not have all the answers, and I will not pretend to be an expert when it comes to improving this standard, but I know something must happen to get these tragic events under control.

I have no real issue with a law-abiding citizen possessing a firearm if that is something they wish to use. The problem I have lies with the type of guns used in these shootings. There is absolutely no reason for an ordinary citizen, much less a mentally deranged person to possess such a weapon that can kill innocent people in a matter of seconds. That is my stance on this situation and no sort of argument will change my mind.

Just a little random but important thought:

I have heard people say that they understand depression more times than I can count. However, do they REALLY or are they being empathic? There is nothing wrong with being empathic, it's normal, and I like to think that it's part of being human. When considering depression and its sufferers, I wish more people understood the ways in which the disease can potentially affect relationships. Like, someone who suffers may cut you out, not by accident, but because that's how depression affects them. So, it's not necessarily the person but the mental illness instead. This was something I was tweeting about the other day. If you have ever dealt with depression, do you also wonder about these types of things? Feel free to weigh in; let's have a chat! Don't worry, you will not be judged here.

“Fly in the Sky”

The beautiful sun

Warmly greets me from my room window

It is cracked a tiny bit

Just so I am comforted by the warmth

This has been a hard time

My life has its ups and downs

Much like the track of a rollercoaster

There are times when I feel life knock me over

But my faith in myself provides me

With a solution when I thought

I would never find the answer

When my happiness comes back full circle

I can feel the power of life on my shoulders

But not completely weighing me down

I feel so full

It is almost if I could fly in the sky

And let the fear go

Wandering aimlessly

If only given the chance

When I look into your evil eyes

It astounds me that I was always surprised

By your endless lies

I traveled the world with you in an attempt

To make you mine

To rewind time

And to see if I could figure out your mind

Your spirit literally burned a hole

In the deepest part of my soul

Taking with it a piece of my heart

That used to make me whole

I spend endless nights awake

Wondering what it might take

To get you on the right track

You take one step forward

And it seems you go stumbling back

I really wish I knew

What part of you was missing

And how to piece you back together

But I realize that if you don’t get help now

You may be like this forever

When I look into your evil eyes

I can see your head spinning

And plotting my demise

How in the world I fell for you

I will never know

But time will roll on

With the deep cuts

To my heart

And the damage done will never come apart

Here is a poem that was written from personal experience. I often feel thar depression is akin to the devil living under your bed and completely taking control of you.

“Monster”

You are the monster under my bed

That also lives in my head

Tormenting me is your favorite thing to do

I have tried to ignore you

But my mind cannot let go of you

You dig your nasty nails into my skin

Without a regret

I try to scream

But you immediately cover my mouth

Because running for cover is not allowed

You hold me down

And beat me until I can no longer breathe

I do not understand why you hate me

I have done nothing to invoke this feeling

Yet I feel like I am stuck on the ceiling

I cannot come down

You will do anything to destroy

My crown

You will not allow me to feel beauty

You do such a good job of masking it with your

Terrible ugliness

You are dragging me into the dark

With no way to escape your bark

I am stuck wondering why

Life is as big as the sky

But you have continued to leave

Me here to bow down to you and cry

Writing Wednesday: It just dawned on me that I have not shared a single piece from my new poetry collection that is in the works. If anyone is curious, this piece is not written from personal experience. I have never been engaged, and I am not interested in marriage in any sense, but I often write from another's view. This piece was more simplistic, but it works. Here it is:

Marriage

I never expected you to get down on your knee

And ask to spend the rest of your days with me

But you have shown me so much love

You have convinced me that love comes from

Nowhere else but from the lord above

Love is delicate

But when two people feel it

They somehow make it work

They somehow fill that empty space

And they take you to another place

When you are with them

They take you somewhere you have never been

Their love almost feels like a sin

Their soft touch is something you crave

You would have never imagined your life would

Turn out this way

But now you know it is destined and meant to be

A life that consists of you and me

I feel as though I am lagging behind

I try to keep up with the world and with

Mankind

But it seems that I am run ragged

Teased because I am fragile

It's like my body has spent so much time in overdrive

Simply trying to survive

Maybe some sleep will help

Even though I am exhausted

I can't seem to get a single peep

So I lay in bed wide awake

and dormant

Like I am waiting for the next wave to wash me

Away

And prepare me for the next day

It will be the same routine

Over and over again

I am shutting down

And I don't know when I will be

Returning to town

I don't know when I will see the light

But I won't go down without a fight

I am the type of person who is fascinated by life. It could be because I was born three months premature. I am a miracle baby, and I am extremely fortunate to be alive and kicking. I am mostly homebound due to my disability and my inability to drive, so I definitely do appreciate the little things a little more than the average person anyway. Then again, what constitutes average? I am a very outgoing and optimistic person who views life in a glass-half-full kind of manner. I am the kind of person who relies on self-discovery in order to fully figure out who I am. I feel that finding out who you truly are is a bit of a necessary beast. I believe this is due to the pressure of societal norms and pressure.

If you really take the time to think about it, it is really amazing how much society impacts us, both positively and negatively. Everywhere you look, we are surrounded by TV shows and commercials that are attempting to show us how things should be structured. It doesn’t help much that you’re looked at as weird or a freak if you teeter away from those norms. If we are insecure about the way we feel about ourselves already, I feel like society makes it worse, especially since things, people, and places are so heavily judged and criticized.

Being different from the supposed norm does not make for an easy life, and it makes for an even more difficult transitionary period. Our minds then begin to warp and tell us that being different is wrong because we have heard it so often. This the result of repeated cruelty by others who are hurting as bad and worse than you are. This very sentiment took me a long time to figure out. People are mean and ugly to people who aren’t like them because they are hurting more than we realize. While their scrutiny hurts more than anyone could ever imagine, I believe we experience the hurt in order to make ourselves a better person. I believe we learn most from our hardships and difficult times. I was bullied throughout my school-aged years due to my Cerebral Palsy. In that present moment, the bullying tore me up, but now I look at it as a lesson that has made me into the strong person I am today. It’s interesting how life works.

I have always been very aware of all of my traits. Being very happy (for the most part), being encouraging, outgoing, and kind are all at the forefront of my mind. I was also aware of my negative ones and being too clingy and underestimating myself were at the top of my list. I was never really a typical girl. In that sense I mean I never really thought consciously about getting married or having a lifetime partner. I never have desired intimacy and sex. I have always desired to love someone and having them love me back. At the same time, I have always wondered how and if love could exist without sex.

As my life continued to roll on, and I made it to my 30′s, I have found out that the answer to that particular identity question is yes. I truly believe that we as humans are complex creatures and we never really have a concrete identity. We are all composed of different parts that make us unique and whole. I have to say that my 30′s have been the most empowering time period in my life, and I literally cannot wait to see what’s in store for me in future years.