I stared blankly at my paper. Ugh, I hate writing about myself. I never know what to say. My creative writing teacher must have seen all of our blank looks because he decided to elaborate.

"You can talk about your achievements, passions, belief systems, anything!" he said enthusiastically. I tried not to cringe. It felt wayyyyy too early to be that excited about anything. If this assignment wasn't due at the end of class, I would be studying for something else. I feel like I'm constantly just living one test to the next, trying my best to be prepared. My school is pretty chill, and I'm amazing friends with the smart people in my class, but I feel like I'm constantly in a competition to see who's the smartest and who can be the best at everything. I doubt anyone else feels that way, though.

I looked down again at my paper. I guess I could talk about my academic achievements, but that seemed too braggy. Is that a word? Eh. Whatever.

I inspected the rest of my peers. Most of them seemed to know what to write about. *sigh* Tired of thinking, I just put my pen to paper and wrote about my likes, dislikes, religious views, et cetera. It would probably be super lame, but I hoped that we wouldn't have to read them aloud.

I like band, choir, and everything else music...

It bothers me when people mispronounce well-known words.

I am Christian and am very active in my church.

I love being able to serve others.

I like painting my nails, but I don't like how long it takes sometimes.

It annoys me when no one listens to me when I try to say something.

I love writing, but don't necessarily love the class.

Actually, I probably shouldn't write that. Anyways,

I love doing theater productions.

I find it satisfying to correct grammatical errors (especially when they're my own).

It bothers me when no one believes me when I'm right.

Anytime after a social event, I love to be by myself and chill.

I love listening to good music.

I am very indecisive and struggle to make important decisions sometimes.

I hate having to improvise anything. Speeches, music, anything else.

I like being able to have a plan and fulfill it.

Ringgggggggggggg

The bell startled me out of my writing rhythm.

"Okay, class!" our teacher said, standing up from his desk. "Hand 'em in!" He patted the empty spot on his otherwise incredibly messy desk. It was a wonder he ever found anything at all on it. I watched some of the other students glance over their papers one last time and place them on his desk. I wasn't quite ready to hand in my paper. There was probably so much more I could have said (after all, how do you explain a complex human being in one class period?), but it would have to do, for now. The rest of me shouldn't have to be explained but experienced.

*FYI: this is a fictional story, but all of the characteristics mentioned in the story are true of me =)

Life is crazy, but I hope that, no matter what roadblocks you experience, you know that God will be and is with you and is standing by your side through it all. I wish I had realized that sooner in my life. It would have made things a lot easier.

I hope you know that no matter what other people think of you, you are incredible and have something great to offer.

I hope that you realize how fast life goes. Don’t waste it. You don’t get more of it.

I hope you never lose your sense of humor. It can be really useful at times, even if you don’t realize it yet.

I hope you take life seriously, but also have fun. Stressing about everything seriously sucks. Take it from me: it’s not worth it.

I hope you take your academics seriously but don’t forsake your social life. Again, not worth it. Have friends.

I hope you don’t spend your entire life self-conscious or afraid. I lived so much of my life like that, and I wish I had developed more courage. It would have made life so much more enjoyable.

I hope you read a lot of books throughout your life. They’re wonderful escapes.

Don’t be afraid to talk to strangers. Well, do be afraid of sketchy people, but you can meet some really cool and genuine people just by initiating conversation (even if it feels awkward at first).

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You can learn so much more that way. You are not stupid for asking questions, but smart for being willing to learn.

Don’t be afraid to say you don’t know. You do not and will not ever have life figured out, and that’s okay. God does have plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11) and will guide you through.

Don’t try to be too perfect. It’s a waste of time and effort. It brings unnecessary stress to your life. Just try to be your best, and that’s enough. If it’s not enough for other people, whatever.

Don’t live to impress people. Live to please God.

Don’t compare yourself to others. It can lead to a lot of bad things (like depression, anxiety, or pride). Take it from me: It hurts more than it helps.

Don’t ever let fear, doubt, or even people hold you back.

Don’t get too attached to the things of this world. They’re great, but also can lead you away from God and can waste precious time.

Don’t be afraid to fall in love. You will probably get your heart broken at least a few times, but you’ll find the right person. And once you do, it’ll be so worth it.

Don’t be afraid to be involved, but be careful not to overwork yourself. There is a line of what is too much. Know it and know it well (I wish I knew it sooner).

Know that God is with you.

Know that I am here to support, help, encourage, and comfort you.

Know that academics are not everything. I wish I knew that sooner.

Always try something new. You’ll never know what you love or what you’re good at until you try.

Always forgive people. Especially yourself. It’s hard sometimes, I know, but it lifts so much weight off of your shoulders. Trust me.

Always be so full of love, kindness, and humility that you overflow.

Always overflow with God.

Always trust God. He’s got you and He’s got this.

Imagine this scenario:

A girl looked down at her paper. a 24.5 out of 25. Tears started forming in her eyes. Why did she have to mispronounce that one word in her presentation? She was so close to 100 percent! Sure, it was still an A+, but she just had to go and mess it up for herself. Of course. People kept telling her that she was too hard on herself, but she just wanted to be perfect. Was that too much to ask? It felt like everyone else in her grade was perfect. She felt like she was always in a breakneck competition to outperform everyone in everything. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes it didn’t. She thought she might crumble under the pressure she felt. People told her to follow her heart, and in her heart, she wanted to be perfect. She was doing everything that people asked of her, right? Then why did she feel like a failure? Why was she crying over a missed half-point? She wiped her eyes while the class was praying, hoping that no one saw herself falling apart.

Spoiler alert: that girl was me.

We are disappointed by ourselves constantly.

Maybe we didn’t perform as well as we wished on a presentation or test. Maybe we said the wrong thing at the wrong time. We hate ourselves for failing to live up to our unrealistic expectations for what we should do and how well we should do it. We set standards for ourselves so high that we could never dream of being able to live up to them. Even the people we place on pedestals in our minds would never be able to live the perfect lives we expect ourselves to. We jump to conclusions and judge people as hypocrites for not living up to what they said. As Steven James points out in his book Checkmate, isn’t everyone a hypocrite in their own way? We try to live up to our expectations for perfection and oftentimes fall flat on our faces, and we fail to see how utterly stupid it is to run ourselves into the ground trying to be someone that we’re not. Checkmate has taught me to be kind to myself and to not be quick to judge, as I am struggling with the same things as the people I'm judging. Checkmate made me realize that I will never be perfect and that is okay.