I like me better without you.

And that's a lie;

A white lie to feed my ego.

Like crazy, I do..

I miss you.

Waiting for your text day and night 

This damned me never learn

Never learn from all the subtle rejection from you.

Seriously, what are we? 

Just friends? You don't say

Right now, I really don't care

If me being honest and coming clean about my feelings towards you going to push you away, 

It doesn't matter anymore.

I need this closure at least, for this bogged down emotions to leave me. 

I want to walk away free from this shackles of confused feelings; away from you.

Let me just see you one more time.

I promise it'll be the last.

I wonder why I have never told you my feelings

All the nights that we spend our time together

Just the two of us but dates that never felt like real dates

So strange that I used to relate to you so much so, that now it feels like I'm bogging you down with my sorrow

The looks that you give me now feels like I'm being judged

Of all the people, you?

You said I'm shackled by bounds

Bounds that I can never escape 

What you failed to realise is that those bounds are the walls I've build over the years to protect myself; that keeps me safe and sane.

I have never judged you for all your weakness and the dark sides of you

But now that you're in better place, you judge me in return?

I used to want to tell you things but I hide them now.

I guess I fell for the idea of you and not you.

The idea of you and I, with no judgments, just warm hugs to comfort, love with all our hearts and lil fights; that's all that matters

Such a fleeting moment of happiness but I thank you for that

And I'll walk away slowly before you'd realise I was even there.

You confuse me.

You stare directly in my eyes and smile, 

But you don't look at me everytime I say goodbye.

You allow me to hold your arms,

Another day you walk two steps faster  than me.

You play all that love songs in the car,

And another day you stand away from me.

You call me out for coffee and cakes,

But you don't like to eat sweet savouries.

You text me till late night,

But we never spoke on the phone.

It turns immediately awkward if you bump into me in public,

We exchange smiles and that's about it,

But we meet each other privately over lunch or dinner for extensive conversations.

You seem to like my subtle touch gestures while I'm talking to you,

But you never laid your fingers on me.

You make it look like you treat me special,

But you have other girlfriends who seem to be closer to you.

You initiate movie plans,

But you never made it happen.

You send me pictures of yours,

 I'm wondering whether do you do the same with your other girlfriends?

Do you like me or I'm just convenient to you?

I'm disarrayed cause you confuse me so.

There is a pathway,

A lonely one.

Fallen leaves covered up the path.

Rustling of the dried leaves,

dancing to the rhythm of the wind,

Soothing sound of nature.

Such a pretty sight.

Pretty sad empty sight.

Each steps I take towards it feels heavier.

I'm not used to one that is not taken.

I've always lived safe under someone's shadow,

The already woven path.Safe.

But this? This is new.

This will test me and tear me apart if I falter.

I didn't ask for this, but it doesn't matter.

Not anymore- cause I don't have a choice.

No.I won't give up,no.

My feet will drag me to places my heart isn't willing to.

Feeling comfortable is not what I deserve,

Being safe and guarded is not the reality,

The reality is that the world is cold,cruel and unfair.

And if at the end of this path I'm going to discover myself, be stronger and be able to face the world,

I shall keep walking,

Then start running,

Take that jumps I need to take,

And soar!

At the end of the day,  life does feel like Robert Frost's, 'The Road Not Taken.'

I snickered.

"Now let's walk towards it."

Thunder rumbling at distance,

The sight of the beautiful full moon is gone.

The night sky is brighter than usual though,

Not cloudy, it's not even pitch dark.

I wonder if it is confused just the way I am right now at this juncture in my life.

Gazing into the sky, I let out a huge breath,

I am engrossed by the beauty of the night.

Problems seem to waft away, so minute compared to the boundless sky.

I wonder if someone out there feels the same way wishing it will all turn out okay.

"It shall be," I told myself.

And I wish the same for you who is out there.

I felt the raindrops on my face.

Heading back inside I looked out to the vast night sky again,

I smiled. 

That glistening eyes of yours,

I dwell in them.

I could see my reflection in you,

That's what you told me too.

For the longest time I'd never be able to hold gaze longer than seconds,

But to yours I could.

You may be whatever you claim to be,

But to me,

I'd stand to what I see,

That you have the kindest eyes I've ever seen.

Slowly,

I'm waking up to not having thoughts of you in the morning.

Slowly,

I've reduced sighing to the possibilities that it will never work out with you.

Slowly,

I'm getting used to listening to songs without relating the lyrics to you.

Slowly,

I'm fine with you not replying me back.

Slowly,

I keep myself busy with real work and not just staring blankly.

Slowly,

I'm prepping myself to listen from you that this is going to be the end of us.

Slowly,

I feel the pain and also relieved at the same time.

Slowly,

I'm letting you go consciously without my heart feeling the gash that all of these are creating.

Slowly,

You will be gone,

Embedded just in my memories,

And nothing more.

It did.

It skipped a beat,

Or two.

My heart muscles clenched together,

The moment I saw your face,

And right then, I wished you'd lit up upon seeing me too.

I stared into the void,

The void stared back.

Now you want to seek love,

Real love.

To love someone,

That someone.

You thought of skipping the steps; to love someone even before you love yourself,

It doesnt sound plausible or maybe it does?

Maybe it takes two to show you that you're capable to love yourself,

To be the cushion to support your fall,

All the hypocrite words you gave to others to heal them,

You can finally feel and experience it yourself when that one is there encouraging you.

Or so you think that would happen?

At times you find yourself questioning,

Is it even worth? Are you even worth to be loved? You can't even do it yourself.

Why would you pass the baton of burden to someone else?

They have their own shits to take care of.

But isn't that love? Or am I wrong?

I dont mind being in a healing process with you if you're broken,

Cause I'm a better hypocrite-just cant do that to myself.

Isn't love healing together as well? 

I heal you and you heal me?

I'm not wanting love for the fun of it but for the need of it?

I need healing, I need you? 

The same way you need I'd be there for you,no?