I've been in this room for hours. Being questioned. The cops have gotten irritated with me, telling me they'll return when I'm "ready to talk." I have nothing to say. This entire process is actually funny. It's not like I'm withholding information on purpose, I just want to see how far I can push my limits with the police before they book me. That's kind of my thing. I love getting into people's heads. I love seeing their feelings get the best of them. I love seeing them lose it emotionally. Sometimes it doesn't take much for a person to crack, no matter how threatening they try to come across. I've seen it many times. After a while, I get bored. They come back into the interrogation room.

"So, are you ready to talk, Jones?"

"Sure." The boredom was pretty much rampant until I realize this presents another opportunity for me to test these cops' intelligence and patience.

"Did you see the victim at all tonight?", they inquire. I swear, it's like they think they can just squeeze a confession out of me.

"No sir, I did not. I stated that for the record earlier. At least, that was the impression your partner gave me."

"I'll make a note of that. Why don't you give me a rundown of the things you had done earlier today." He tightly grips his pen, almost eager to catch me slipping up.

"Okay. I got up at about 7:30 this morning. I followed through with my usual routine. Brushing my teeth, shaving, and what have you. I always have a protein shake before I head out for my morning exercise. Then-"

The cop interrupts. "What kinds of exercises to you do in the mornings?"

"Sometimes I go for a run. When I want to lift weights or something, I head to the gym."

The cop writes in his notepad and urges me to proceed.

"This particular morning, I was out for a jog. Ran about 5 miles, then headed back home and had a shower. It was my day off, so I spent a few hours relaxing at home before I called a friend and we headed out for lunch."

The cop questions me further about my lunch date. I told him it was with a college buddy of mine that was in town for the week. I sense a bit of disappointment, almost as if he was expecting me to admit I had gone to lunch with the victim, which I hadn't.

At that moment, his partner barges in and informs him that they collected a DNA sample off the victim's body and to let me leave, since there wasn't a match. The cop is obviously very surprised. When I was waiting to be questioned, I overheard him tell one of his colleagues that he would have a good time "bringing me down." As I'm leaving, I walk past him and he gives me a look that I could only interpret as being simultaneously angry and pitiful.

I get into my car and drive off. When I come to the stoplight, I can't help it. I burst out laughing. They'll never figure it out. They'll never know it was me. When they match that DNA, it'll be identified as my neighbors', who already has a history of murder. Guess that used condom came in handy. Then he'll go back to prison because really, you can't argue with DNA. Once you're physically placed at the scene of a crime, it'll be hard explaining how it got there. Good luck, Mark. You were a cool guy.

As the light turns green, I smile, thinking of how I'll get away with it the next time. I smile bigger as I head home, where the bodies of 10 more victims lifelessly await in my basement. Maybe they'll have a new friend before the end of the week.

#mental #mentalillness #murder #shortstory #psychopath #psychopathy #narcissist #sociopath

She wanted to be famous.

They told her she can't.

She wanted to follow her dreams.

They told her she can't.

She wanted to be rich.

They told her she can't.

She wanted to accomplish every goal she had ever thought of.

They told her she can't.

Eventually she gave up.

A few years later...

They wanted to be friends with her.

She told them they can't.

They wanted money from her.

She told them they can't.

They wanted to live the life she was living.

She told them they can't.

They wanted to be like her.

She told them they can't.

"Why?", they ask.

I wanted to follow my dreams.

You said I can't.

So I chased them.

I wanted to be successful.

You said I can't.

So I created my own opportunity.

Everything you said I couldn't do,

I worked several times harder.

Now I'm living and doing more than I thought I would.

"But you gave up", they say.

No, you thought I did.

I stopped talking about my goals and actually working towards them.

If it wasn't for you telling me what I couldn't do,

I would've never found my strength.

His face.

His smile. 

His laugh.

His personality.

It's all perfect.

His skin consists of beautiful shades of the earth.

Deep copper brown that glows in the sunlight.

Flawless and amazing,

Very appeasing to the eye.

It's all perfect.

Euphoria.

A state of intense excitement and happiness.

Euphoria doesn't have to be a state of mind.

It can be a person. A person that evokes that feeling in you.

Euphoria is him.

When he smiles, my world stops.

Everything is frozen. Time is paused.

Can my world get any more perfect than this?

Is it possible for a human being to be this way?

Beyond perfection, beyond euphoria?

Everything about him is just what I like.

My head spins, my heart beats out of rhythm.

I never knew a person could be the way he is.

Euphoria is not a myth; not a tall tale.

It's here on earth, you just have to look for it.

He is my euphoria.

Red. Black.

Rage. Anger.

Knives. Guns.

Revenge. Unmerciful.

Unsympathetic. Heartless.

I remember. Remember.

These memories are locked in my head like a prisoner that can't escape.

They continue to pile up. My mental prison becomes overcrowded.

So many prisoners in my thoughts. Each have their own story.

Their own reasons of why they are still here.

The abuse. The taunting. The ridicule. 

The way you tore me down with your words.

How you belittled me every day; told me I'd never be anything.

The deceit, the mind games. 

How you tore a piece of my heart out every day.

The hate. The disgust.

The look in your eyes told it all.

I tried so hard, so hard.

Nothing was ever enough for you.

My efforts were disregarded and unappreciated.

It could've been different,

We could've been different.

But something in our souls weren't compatible.

You couldn't accept me.

And for that, I am unforgiving. 

Him. 

It's all about him.

What he wants me to do.

What he expects of me. 

How I should act.

Him.

He schedules my every move.

I move when he tells me to.

If he calls, I know to pick up.

I know better than to not follow his routine.

Him.

He comes to see me.

Check on me.

Make sure I'm still doing what he wants me to do.

Satisfy him. Make him remember why he still deals with me.

Him. 

He's like a drug.

One I refuse to abandon. 

I took a whiff, and I've been hooked ever since.

I just can't let him go.

Him.

He does everything for me, he does nothing for me.

He loves me, he loves me not.

He's mine, he's someone else's.

He's my provider, he's my abuser.

Him.

I love him.

I need him.

I adore him.

I am nothing without him.

He'll toss me away.

He'll leave me.

He'll tell me I'm nothing.

He'll disappoint me.

He'll threaten to not ever return.

I'll still come right back.

Love me. Love me. Just for a night.

Make me feel special, make me feel right.

Love me. Love me. But not for too long

Just enough for me to pretend I'm strong.

Love me. Love me. Make it all go away.

If you try to leave, I'll beg you to stay.

Love me. Love me. Love me so much.

Make me explode at the feel of your touch.

Love me. Love me. Only like you can.

Never will I find solace in another man. 

Love me. Love me. Take away the pain.

Drive me crazy. Make me go insane.

Love me. Love me. Put the smoke in my lungs.

Together we write a song, that song remains unsung.

Love me. Love me. Don't let me be alone.

Love me some more, until all the pain is gone.

When I need you, I'll find you again.

Until we meet soon, this will be our little sin.

"Don't say a word. You're mine now."

I sit there, confused and in a daze. I refused to believe that this entity was speaking to me. 

"I needed a vulnerable human form. I dreamt about you. You came along. You were weak and clueless. Just what I was looking for", Maria stated as she let out a wicked laugh.

I began to cry... What would happen to me? What would my mom say? What about my friends? What about-

Then everything went dark. 

I am now her.

3 Months Earlier

     I remember growing up in Florida. The palm trees and the ocean. I loved it there. Life was simple and every day seemed to be a vacation. I has a wonderful family, and great friends. The only struggles I had were coloring inside the lines and making sure my shoes were tied in a perfect knot. I always had happy memories. But sometimes, the happiness would stop. There would be no more sunshine, breezy palm trees, or the smell of the ocean. 

     When I was about 7, I started hearing the voices and the stories. There was the incident about cutting another girl's hair. I don't remember that day at all, but according to Mom, the girl specifically pointed me out as being the person that cut 8 inches off of her prided long ponytail. All I could do was cry, because to my knowledge, I had done no such thing. Sometimes I would sit in class, and people would talk to me. Not classmates. Not the teacher. It's almost like someone would be sitting right next to me, just talking to me. 

     Like Paul. He told me that before the school was built, there was an old coal mining factory. There was an explosion in the 1930s, and a bunch of the men had died. He was one of the men. He said he missed his wife and daughter dearly, but he didn't know where they were. He had sat right next to me, with his dirty overalls and cigar. I learned not to speak for fear of being made fun of by the teacher or other students. I knew the other kids couldn't see Paul; if they could, they would surely have came over and talked to him as well. Paul visits often.

    Then there were the twin girls. Abby & Rosie. They came into my life in my 6th grade year. I thought they were new students. By now, I was trying to maintain two lives: my life that consisted of actual living beings, and the other life where spirits that weren't at rest roamed freely as if they were still alive. The first day I met them, I knew something about them was off. In an era of hoop earrings and chokers, their high waisted skirts and retro hairstyles made them stand out. They came over to the picnic table where I sat and began to talk to me. When I went to shake Abby's hand, I couldn't touch her. The same thing occurred with Rosie. They told me they had attended the middle school in the early 60s, and that they were killed after a homecoming dance, when a drunk driver hit the side of the car they were riding in. Rosie said if I ever found their parents, that I should tell them that Abby & Rosie loved them and they missed them very much. 

      Throughout the years, I began to feel depressed. I couldn't enjoy my life. People in the spirit world saw me as a messenger. They would come to me and ask if I could find their loved ones, or if I could relay messages to people they were looking for. Spirits always came to me so often. I had no life. But I will admit, none of them ever wreaked havoc on my life. They were always kind and patient, never manipulative or pestering.

Then I met Maria. 

     I was 17 when I met Maria. It happened one day when I was in my room, doing trigonometry homework. I left my room for a split second to grab a snack, and I came back to a girl standing in my room, staring at the posters I had on my wall. She turned around and I was in awe. She was extremely beautiful, with long, shiny, panther black hair and apple-green eyes. Her olive skin was flawless and glowing. She looked like someone straight out of a magazine. 

     "Pretty cool room", she said. 

     "Thanks", I replied. She smiled at me.

     "The name's Maria. Maria Jasmine Elisabelle Hernandez. And you are?"

     "Nikki." She stared at me as if she was waiting for more. "Nicole Danielle Nixon. But everyone calls me Nikki."

     "Nice to meet'cha, Nicks." She smiled again and I noticed her outfit. She wore all black. Even her lipstick was black.

     "How did you get into my room?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. 

     "Honestly, I don't know man. I pretty much roamed here. I saw your room and thought it was cool. I liked your posters and CD's. I figured you must be around my age. So here we are." She let out a laugh, and it was the most peculiar laugh I had ever heard. It was almost like she was a witch. 

     "So what do you do all day?" she asked as she lay on my bed, thumbing through outdated magazines.

     "Well, I go to school. It's my senior year, so I've put in some college applications and I'm trying to make sure I have some community service hours under my belt so I can apply for scholarships." She nodded and ran her fingers through her hair, and that's when I noticed she wore a ring. It was unlike any other ring I had ever seen before. There were red and black jewels in it, and it was weaved in a pattern to where it looked like it was embedded in her finger. "So tell me your story." I was genuinely interested in getting to know her. She seemed rebellious and confident. 

     "Since ya asked, why not?" She sat up, let out a deep breath, and rolled her eyes.

     "Like I said, the name's Maria. I'm from New York. Parents immigrated from Puerto Rico. They tried to teach me the PR way of living, but I wasn't interested. I was too Americanized (she made quotations with her hands as she said this) for them, and they hated it. 

     "How did you end up all the way here?" I asked her.

     She looked at me again with those piercing green eyes. It made me shudder. 

     "I ran away. I made great friends in the York. Mama hated them. She said they changed me. She would lay my clothes out in the morning, but I would already be dressed with the clothes my friends gave me. Usually outfits she didn't approve of, like ripped jeans or those shirts that show your belly. God, she hated all of it. She wanted me to stay in school and get grades, but no. I hated school. My friends always had fun things to do. We would cut class and smoke in the park or go to the mall. I dropped out right under her nose. She was always working; she was too busy to keep up with me. I burned report cards and when teachers said they would be calling her, I would give them wrong numbers or have our service temporarily disconnected. They would write letters home, & I would throw them away. I honestly didn't even care." She laughed again. "I still don't. But I wish I hadn't gotten in that car." She looked away and I could see tears forming in her eyes. I scooted closer.

     "What happened?", I ask her.

     "I was tired of Mom. I just wanted to live a happy life with my friends. They were all I needed; hell, they were all I wanted. They showed me a new way of living, and that's what I wanted. I didn't want school, or rules, or anything that made me unhappy. So after another one of Mama's rants, I couldn't take it anymore. I left. On the road, we had our music blasting. I was in the back, drunk and laughing. My friend up front was singing loud and there was this bridge. Somehow, her hand slipped off the wheel, and the car hit the railing. I remember us falling. We fell for a long time. Then I felt water." She cried and then laid down in my bed. 

     That was the beginning of our friendship. I had never felt so close to a spirit before. Maria & I were great friends. We told each other everything, and it was amazing. We became one. It was like we were long lost sisters. I loved her confidence and how she never cared what people thought about her. Maria was me, and I was her. For months, it was just me & my spirit friend.

     Then one night, it all unraveled.

     This night, it was stormy outside, so Maria & I decided to watch some horror movies. We had popcorn, pizza, & soda. The movie we chose was about a mentally disturbed guy that thought everyone was after him, so he begins to kill to get away from them.

     Maria was laughing at the girl who fell trying to get away from the killer. "Gosh, how stupid can you be?!", she screamed at the television. "That's what you get for trying to check out every damn thing!!!"

     I laughed too. The girl clearly didn't want to live. She allowed herself to be killed. And it was hilarious. Hilarious how people can be gullible and put themselves in situations where they let other people manipulate them and cause them to do dumb things. Or get killed like that girl in the movie. 

     When the movie was over, I grabbed the remote to choose another one. 

     "Put the remote down. We're gonna make our own scary movie.", Maria stated.

     "Yeah right. There's no killers here", I chuckled.

     "Sometimes, a scary movie isn't about a killer. Monsters walk the earth every day, Nicks. You never know who you're talking to... or who's right in front of you." She looked at me with a strange look in her eyes, and gave me an icy smile.

     Usually, I would've just let Maria go on and on, but the things she was saying along with the atmosphere made me pause. "What do you mean?" I ask, my voice starting to crack.

     "I've watched you for a long time. Us spirits, we see things. We see the people who have the gift and live life like they don't have it, and we see those who willingly open themselves up for us to enter. The dumb ones. The vulnerable ones. We need people like you so we can take your body and become human again. We're not finished living. We were taken way too early. We look for people like you so we can get another shot at life."

     My eyes squinted in confusion. "But I thought we were close. I thought we were friends. I told you my secrets."

     "That's all a part of the game, Nicks. That's the plan. We get close to you and pretend to sympathize. It's all about getting in your head. Learning your patterns, thoughts and behaviors. We have to learn you so we can become you." She stood up and began walking towards me. 

     "Don't say a word. You're mine now."

     I sit there, confused and in a daze. I refused to believe that this entity was speaking to me.

     "I needed a vulnerable human form. I dreamt about you. You came along. You were           weak and clueless. Just what I was looking for", Maria stated as she let out a wicked laugh.

      I began to cry... What would happen to me? What would my mom say? What about my friends? What about-

      Then everything went dark.

      Maria as Nikki

     Usually, I have trouble finding a body to take over. Nikki made it so easy. She was sweet and very understanding. I do feel kind of bad about that. But it's a dog-eat-dog world. I needed a body. Friendship was a game, and she was easy to play. I will admit, it was fun while it lasted. So long, Nicks.