Do you know?

Some days I feel as though everything blends into one and my feelings are churning like oil and water, those days are the hardest. Constantly being told what to do, what to achieve, how to live, is both a safety net and a nightmare. Battling between being lazy and scared or being over worked and trapped is suffocating, yet the loss of oxygen makes me feel alive on the right day. Do you know how it feels to be at war with the most inner parts of yourself while the exterior puts up a façade so excellent you almost forget the thunderstorm happening inside your own mind? Maybe I'm just being dramatic... or maybe I'm not. I haven't figured it out yet. Do you know what the stranger in the mirror looks like? How they look at me? They look like a shell of my former self, an expression painting their mug with such disappointment and pity, making me want nothing more than to fit her once more. Do you know what that's like?