For years, I've been stuck in this same cycle.

Bit by bit, my heart hardens like an icicle.

I always fool myself thinking that she could be the one.

But, in the end, I'm the one left alone gazing at the setting sun...

After years of contemplating, it's what I fear.

Maybe my true place is far from here.

Today is my ex best friend's birthday. It's so crazy how a two letter word changes the whole mood of that sentence. Two years ago, she just walked away from my life. No words. No explanations. No goodbye hug. After all those secrets we shared, the yearly roadtrips to LA, and all those exciting weekend hangouts, one of the most important people in my life just decides to erase me.

These two years have been so rough without her. I told her everything. What my next show would be.. Which girl I had fallen in love with now.. Which shows to watch this season.. The list goes on. I've never had a friend as close as her.

Earlier today, I decided to man up and greet her happy birthday and hoped all was going well with her. She thanked me and that was that. No other exchanges made. It made me happy that she actually responded to me but where do we go now? Will this rekindle the friendship we had for almost 10 years? Or, will we just have the annual birthday greeting and nothing else? It really hurts just thinking about the latter. How could two people, after years and years of an amazing friendship, end up as strangers again? :/

No matter what, never lose faith in God. You may not always know the reason why things go the way they are going, but God is always there and He has big plans for your life. He's kinda like Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings. He's never late nor is he early. He arrives exactly when he means too.

No matter what, never lose faith in God. You may not always know the reason why things go the way they are going, but God is always there and He has big plans for your life. He's kinda like Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings. He's never late nor is he early. He arrives exactly when he means too.No matter what, never lose faith in God. You may not always know the reason why things go the way they are going, but God is always there and He has big plans for your life. He's kinda like Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings. He's never late nor is he early. He arrives exactly when he means too.

After graduating high school, my life went through so many twists and turns. Loss of close friends, betrayals by my own family, multiple career redirections, and being cheated on by the girl who I gave my all too. Through the years, most people thought I was this quiet ambitious angel who had his whole life figured out. Little did they know that I was more like an angel with broken wings.

Everyday I would wake up wondering what I've done with my life and if God still had any use for me. On July 18, 2016, I was shocked to my senses... Literally! This was it! I've been an emotional wreck all these years and now I'm partially handicapped. Before that incident, I was on the road to being a Starbucks store manager. What did God wanna do with me now!?

Little did I know, this was God's way of saying 'slow down Fitz--turn your eyes upon Me.' As the months passed by, I learned to pray more and devote more time to reading His Word. Though this, God really started to reveal His plans for my life. He blessed me with the means to erase my debts and go back school to further my studies in the medical field. He also blessed me with two angels who constantly pray for me and brighten up my life whenever things get dark. ❤

Tonight, as I type up this post, I realize that I no longer need to rely on 'my wings' to fly through my trials for God is there carrying me through the many roadblocks that stand in my way. Thank you, my Savior Jesus Christ, for always walking beside me and finding me when I feel lost.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Sincerely,

Me