I need you.

The excitement shakes my whole core, my hands and legs trembling with anticipation. I close my eyes, trying to control my breathing. In and out. But, it’s no use. He’s here. I can feel him.

Suddenly, my heart is on flames. I am burning. My eyes snap wide open. And all I can focus on is him. His obscure figure in the night, the moonlight shining on his black hoodie. My breath hitches as I see him move closer in the darkness, his deep voice causing earthquakes as he calls out my name.

Emily, he says and it’s dripping with desire and affection.

I move forward towards him in a daze, my hands sweating as I reach towards him.

And suddenly, we are kissing. My heart is pounding loudly in my hear, and I can feel the red moving along my cheeks and tips of his ears. And all I can focus on is him. His soft lips that push against me, his hand on my hips, his scent that rushes into my nostrils. His light brown eyes that glint under the cover of his hoodie, the slight curve of his lips. then–

I wake up.

I double with pain, tears squeezing from my eyes. I scream, clutching the covers with a tight grip. Frantically, my wide eyes look around in the dark room, searching for something. Anything. But, there is no one.

I am alone.

Reality starts sinks in agian. He’s gone. I bite the inside of my cheek, clenching my hands, letting my nails dig into my skin. I close my eyes and try to calm my breathing, just like my therapy said. But, it’s not working.

My hands are starting to bleed, I can feel the blood trickling down and hear it drip on to the bed. But, it’s not enough.

I can still see him. I can still hear him.

Emily, his husky voice taunts me. His eyes are curved in mischief and humour as he snakes an arm around my waist pulling me into an alleyway. What have I told you about teasing me like that, he tells me as he pushes me roughly back into the wall, looming over me. I hit the wall with a gasp, gripping on to his shirt. I don’t know what you’re talking about, I reply innocently, but, there’s also a glint in my eyes as I look up at him and my lips are twitching. Then let me show you, he whispers, eyes flickering to my lips.

Then, the memory fades away, and all that is left is his image. The tears fall uncontrollably, and I am visibly trembling.

My nails dig deeper into my skin, I feel pain, but, it’s still not enough.

I bury my face into the pillow and scream.

Why?!

Why did you have to go? Why did you leave me? Why couldn’t I come with you? Why? Why? Why? Isn’t not fair! I need you!

And just like always,

Only the silence answers back.

And I break.