I'm going to try. Ty bought me a notebook and said that if I can't find it in me to talk about it, to try writing it down. So, I'm going to try.

I don't know why she left me. Andy said it wasn't my fault, but you don't reach the point of suicide without a little help from everyone, right? I wish she would have told me what was happening, what she was going through. Maybe I could have helped her, but she didn't even give me the chance to try. It's times like these when I get mad. I get mad at her for leaving, for not telling me. I get mad at whoever pushed Andy to do this. I get mad at the so-called God who has probably just been watching my life and laughing. I get mad at my parents who maybe if they hadn't left us, Andy would still be here. I get mad at the world. But then, after the rage has passed, I feel empty. I don't feel remorse or anger, I just feel broken. I feel guilty half the time too. Guilty for the fact that I haven't shed a tear for Andy. I miss her so much, but I can't bring myself to cry. I feel like that part of me died when she did. When she jumped, something inside me snapped. All my life people have abandoned me, but I never thought that she would. She was the one person who truly knew me and she left, and I'll never know why. When I get to this point, the whole cycle restarts and I'm back to mad. I know I'm broken, but knowing it can't change the way I feel.

Why can't I do it? I have so many thoughts swarming in my head. Stories waiting to be written. Perspectives waiting to be told. I want to write them all down so I'll never forget. But when I go to type, I freeze. I feel as if I can't write what I want to say. I can't put the formed thoughts on paper. And in the end, the stories never get told, they simply grow old. So my question is "Why?" Why am I so nervous to write? To put down my thoughts? Why can I never get them out of my head, but I can also never share them. What is stopping me?

2 Weeks Earlier

Life is hard. The sooner you learn that the better. When I was little I thought the world was a great place full of wonders. I was dumb. Life is full of loss and hardship. Now listen, I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, it's just that my life so far has been anything but perfect. My parents had my older sister, Andy, at age 17, and me, at 21. They either couldn't or wouldn't care for us, so they gave us up to the orphanage. The orphanage was full and couldn't take any more kids so, they just packed up and left. I was eight. Andy was ten. Andy saved us. She got jobs doing random things and we both went to school in our free time. Our neighbors helped us out, but it was Andy who made sure we were fed and safe. As I got older, life got better. Andy graduated and immediately got a full-time job. I started high school and met my best friend Ty. Ty was always there for me when I needed it. He showed me how to trust and see the good in people. But, like the calm before the storm, two months later, my world came crashing down.

This is the story of my evil brother. I was adopted when I was ten and the older brother has always hated me for stealing his parents love or something. So, one night, when I came home he had an evil look on his face, and the next thing I know someone knocked on the door. He answered it saying "That's her! The mad woman! Take her away, she's crazy!" Two men grabbed me and started dragging me away. They put me in a straightjacket and covered my mouth. I woke up in a lunatic asylum. He trapped me here.

PREVIEW.

My name is Enola and yes, my father named me after the Enola Holmes.

14 YEARS EARLIER:

"Read all about it! Enola Holmes gone missing." Sherlock signed. He was supposed to be a great detective but he can't find his sister. He didn't even know if she left on purpose or if she was taken. And on top of this, he was a father.

PRESENT DAY LONDON, 1894:

My father could never find Aunt Enola. He was so discouraged, that he gave up being a detective. He was in a slump and then I came. I was left on Father's doorstep. He never figured out who left me. I was sick when he got me and he took me to Dr. Watson. He always told me he became attached and couldn't give me up. So, I am Enola Scott Holmes, Sherlock Holmes' child, and a finder of the lost.

My perfect day is centered around family. It would be a summer day with the sun shining and the birds singing. My family would be outside with me, in my Grandma's backyard and all my little cousins would be playing. But, the best part would be hearing them laugh while I sat on the porch swing with a book in my hand.

LENA'S POV

I couldn't hold myself back. After I heard the gunshots, I ran. I ran toward them, hoping Fritz was alive. I looked back and Lukas was running behind me. He looked worried too. Finally, I reached the wood were Hitler had walked them. I figured we probably weren't allowed to be here, so I crouched down behind a tree. "All of you are Jews. You have committed serious crimes and the punishment is death." Hitler told them. I wanted to yell stop, but I held it in. "What crimes did we commit, Führer?" one of them asked. "I told you. You are Jew's." "Now, take off your clothes and line up." he told them. At that exact moment one of them said "No." "Fine. Shoot him.". They immediately shot him and put him in this big hole. Then, they lined everyone up and shot them into the big hole, even Fritz. I couldn't watch. The horror and all because they were Jewish. I completely fell to the ground and everything went black.

LUKAS' POV

Lena started running. I don't know why, but I followed her. I heard more gunshots. I ran faster. He won't die. I told myself. When we got there, we hid behind a tree. I watched with Lena as they killed all of them for being Jewish. Then, women started sorting their clothes and took them home. I quickly ran out from behind the tree when no one was looking and grabbed my Papa's pocket watch out of his pants. I needed something to remember him by. Before anyone saw me, I ran back to the tree. "Oh no." Lena was laying on the ground, her eyes closed. Her face was deathly pale. "Did they take you from me too?" I asked myself. I didn't know what to do, so I picked her up and ran all the way home. If she was sick, I knew my Mama could take care of her. I burst through the door. "Mama!" "Mama!" I yelled in between sobs. She came running out of her room. "What is wrong?" she asked me. I couldn't answer. I just held Lena and sobbed. She seem to have saw Lena and took her from me. About an hour later she came out from the spare room. "She is all right, something must have shocked her." "What is wrong?" she asked me in a delicate voice. "Papa." I said "What about him?" she asked worried. "Hitler, he shot him along with Lena's brother and other men." I told her. I pulled out his pocket watch and we sobbed together. Having to tell her Papa was dead was the worst moment ever. Somewhere in the midst of all of it, I fell asleep.

LENA'S POV

I woke up with a startle. I couldn't seem to remember much. "Okay, calm down." "Just find out where you are." I told myself. I felt around. It was dark outside and I couldn't see much. I was in a bed. "Lukas' house." I said aloud my voice filled with relief. All at once everything came back to me. The killing, my brother, everything. I sobbed. For everyone who had died, for my brother, for me. "Why God?" I heard someone say on the other side of the wall. I walked into Lukas' room and saw him and his mother crying together. "Couldn't sleep?" his Mama said. "Yes, can I join you?" "Of course sweetie." she said in a soft tone. I walked over to the bed and got under the covers with her. I looked over at Lukas. Why is he crying? I asked myself. His Mama must have noticed because the she said "My husband, his Papa, was with your brother.". I nodded and started crying silently. She held me tight and did the same. We stayed that way until morning.

LUKAS' POV

"What do you mean Death Camp?" I ask him my voice filled with fear "What are you talking about?" "Listen kid, Hitler hates Jews so, he sends us to camps where we work with little food and die." "Sorry kid." "What are we gonna eat?" "Where is the food?" Lena asked "Listen kid, there is no food on the train. People will die here. I wish I could tell you differently, but I can't. You need to know the truth." he said. Mama insistently started praying "Lord have mercy on us." all night. There was no room to stand, so I had to sleep standing up. People were moaning and the train stunk. After what felt like a month, the train stopped. As they opened the door light spilled in, blinding us. They herded us out like cattle and when we were too slow they hit us. It looked like there were millions of Jewish people here. They led us to a line as another line of Jewish people walked past whispering, "Lie about your age. Say you're 18."

LENA'S POV

I was up next. "Name, Age, and Date of Birth." one of the Stasi said. "My name is Lena Georg, I am... I am seventeen and was born on January 16, 1929." I told him. Should I have lied about my age? I asked myself. "Okay, go to the right line." They sent Lukas to the same line as me and Lukas' mother to the left line.

LUKAS' POV

,

"Say goodbye to your mother." one of the skinny people said "Why? Where is she going?" "The gas chambers." he said to me. "They take the people who cannot work and kill them in the gas chambers." Tears slid down my cheeks. I felt Lena put her hand on me, "Verzeihung '' she said. Mama's line started walking away and waved goodbye. She waved back with tears in her eyes. She knows what is coming, I told myself. "MOV E!" the Stasi yelled at us. They separated me and Lena. "Lord, let her be okay, let Mama die peacefully." I whispered to myself. "You sleep here. You come out when we blow the whistle." he yelled and then left. There were seventeen people in this cabin and nine bunk beds. I walked over to one of the beds ``Can I have this one?" I asked the kids "Sure." one of them replied. I sat down and saw that all of these kids looked like me, lost and afraid. "What is your name?" someone asked. I looked around and realized it was the boy above me. "Lukas, yours?" "Stefan." "How old are you?" he asked "Fifteen." "I am seventeen." "That over there is Tobias, Fred, Leon, Jürgen, Klaus, Mateo, Elias, and Emil." "The other seven won't tell us their names." he told me. "You should sleep, tomorrow is your first day right?" "Yes." I said cautiously "Tomorrow will be hard, try to rest." he told me and laid down.

LENA'S POV

I never thought things would get this bad. I actually never thought about life before the bomb. I always thought that I would live a good life, now all of that is coming to an end. No, positive thoughts. I am grateful for.... for what? I asked myself. Is there anything to be grateful for? They led me our line to a cabin that was partially filled with girls. "Take any empty bed." he said and slammed the door shut. "Who are you?" one girl on the top bunk asked "Lena, who are you?" "I am Emilia." "Can I take the bed below you?" "I don't care." she said to me. I sat down on the bed and instantly regretted it. It was rock hard and smelled like death. Did someone die on this bed? I shuddered at the thought. I laid down and tried to sleep. Sleep is my only escape now, my escape from reality. "Are you okay?" Emilia asked me "Honestly no, but how can anyone be in here?" "Who did you lose?" "My whole family and the woman who took care of me." "Verzeihung '' she said "All of us here have lost someone and my advice is to say your goodbyes and forget them. Your life here will be much harder if you remember them. The hole will only grow bigger." "The Stasi will also notice and make your life even more miserable." she said to me. "I know it sounds like I'm being harsh, but have a little cry and push them out of your mind." "Okay." I tried to make my voice sound confident but I came out as a squeak. "Good night" she said softly.

LUKAS' POV

Two weeks had passed since Papa died. We rarely talked about it and Mama acted like everything was okay. We stayed inside now. Mama didn't think it was safe and it wasn't like we had school to attend. Hitler had taken that too. Hitler has taken almost everything from me. My Papa, my education, and now my home.

LUKAS RELIVES A MEMORY

At least I can read. I told myself, when I heard three loud raps at the door. “Go to your rooms and lock the door. Do not come out until I tell you.” Mama told me and Lena. Lena clutched my hand. We both knew who was at the door. It was the Stasi. They were Hitler’s men and they were dangerous. They killed innocent people. I shut the door and put my ear next to it. “You and your family are Jewish, correct.” “Yes sir.” Mama said with fear in her voice. “We are moving all Jewish citizens into a new home.” “We will come and get you when it is time to move.” “You have three days to pack. Only pack your necessities, nothing else.” And with that he left. I heard the door slam shut and I saw Mama sink to the floor “Why Lord, why us?” “Do you not love us?” she cried.

LENA'S POV

We leave today. "Where are we going?" I ask Lukas "I don't know Lena. None of us do." "How do you stay happy? How do you not feel broken?" I asked Lukas. "It is hard. But, I try thinking about the things I am grateful for." "But, what is there to be grateful for.?" I move my voice to a whisper "I mean Hitler has taken everything from us." I told him "Not everything. I still have you." he told me with a smile on his face. I let my head fall on his shoulder. BANG BANG BANG. They were here. "Grab your bags." Mama told us. I didn't have one. I lost everything I owned in the explosion. No, I'm grateful for a light move. I won't be so exhausted then. He was right. It kind of worked. "Hurry up, it is time to leave." the Stasi yelled at us. We walked out of the door and followed a group of people, all Jewish. They led us to a train. But something about it wasn't right. There were no seats. "It's a cargo train. They are not meant for people." Lukas told me. I could tell he was scared too. "Get in!" the man yelled and me while hitting me with the end of his rifle. I walked in and it was crowded. There was no room to sit down. They shut the door on us and the train started moving. I squeezed Lukas' hand and he squeezed back. "What is the bucket for?" I heard a kid say. "That is the restroom." the elder man told us. As I looked around I realized that there were some really skinny people in here too. And they were dirty and tired. "What is wrong?" I asked one of them "Where are we going?" "To a Death Camp."

LENA'S POV

I couldn't hold myself back. After I heard the gunshots, I ran. I ran toward them, hoping Fritz was alive. I looked back and Lukas was running behind me. He looked worried too. Finally, I reached the wood were Hitler had walked them. I figured we probably weren't allowed to be here, so I crouched down behind a tree. "All of you are Jews. You have committed serious crimes and the punishment is death." Hitler told them. I wanted to yell stop, but I held it in. "What crimes did we commit, Führer?" one of them asked. "I told you. You are Jew's." "Now, take off your clothes and line up." he told them. At that exact moment one of them said "No." "Fine. Shoot him.". They immediately shot him and put him in this big hole. Then, they lined everyone up and shot them into the big hole, even Fritz. I couldn't watch. The horror and all because they were Jewish. I completely fell to the ground and everything went black.

LUKAS' POV

Lena started running. I don't know why, but I followed her. I heard more gunshots. I ran faster. He won't die. I told myself. When we got there, we hid behind a tree. I watched with Lena as they killed all of them for being Jewish. Then, women started sorting their clothes and took them home. I quickly ran out from behind the tree when no one was looking and grabbed my Papa's pocket watch out of his pants. I needed something to remember him by. Before anyone saw me, I ran back to the tree. "Oh no." Lena was laying on the ground, her eyes closed. Her face was deathly pale. "Did they take you from me too?" I asked myself. I didn't know what to do, so I picked her up and ran all the way home. If she was sick, I knew my Mama could take care of her. I burst through the door. "Mama!" "Mama!" I yelled in between sobs. She came running out of her room. "What is wrong?" she asked me. I couldn't answer. I just held Lena and sobbed. She seem to have saw Lena and took her from me. About an hour later she came out from the spare room. "She is all right, something must have shocked her." "What is wrong?" she asked me in a delicate voice. "Papa." I said "What about him?" she asked worried. "Hitler, he shot him along with Lena's brother and other men." I told her. I pulled out his pocket watch and we sobbed together. Having to tell her Papa was dead was the worst moment ever. Somewhere in the midst of all of it, I fell asleep.

LENA'S POV

I woke up with a startle. I couldn't seem to remember much. "Okay, calm down." "Just find out where you are." I told myself. I felt around. It was dark outside and I couldn't see much. I was in a bed. "Lukas' house." I said aloud my voice filled with relief. All at once everything came back to me. The killing, my brother, everything. I sobbed. For everyone who had died, for my brother, for me. "Why God?" I heard someone say on the other side of the wall. I walked into Lukas' room and saw him and his mother crying together. "Couldn't sleep?" his Mama said. "Yes, can I join you?" "Of course sweetie." she said in a soft tone. I walked over to the bed and got under the covers with her. I looked over at Lukas. Why is he crying? I asked myself. His Mama must have noticed because the she said "My husband, his Papa, was with your brother.". I nodded and started crying silently. She held me tight and did the same. We stayed that way until morning.