Hi,

You are someone who isn't easy to please, yet you put up with some of my worse habits. You don't really compliment people just because you like it but you sometimes tell me my good points without you even noticing it. You adjust your time for me even though you doesn't really like waiting. You always give me reasons to smile or laugh without even trying. With that, you make me feel special.

You ask for my opinions, my thoughts and my take on things. Many people asks to be with you but most of the times, you'll always end up being with me. You like giving things to people, but you never forget to share something with me. You tease me if I like someone you don't and I do the same, but at the end of the day, it doesn't even matter at all. We have our differences but you always make sure we'll work it out. With that, you make me feel special.

You talk to me like you always need to. You do things you don't usually do just because I asked you to, I slowly became a part of your life wherein I never had to fall in line for you to give your attention to. You never fail to make me realize you'll just be there for me. That I'll never have to feel alone because you're just one text or chat away. You call me just to let me know the good news you just received. With that, you make me feel special.

But amidst all that, you also never fail to make me understand how blessed you are when it comes to things I know I am really not. You talk to a lot of people and I sometimes hate it when I feel like I don't even worth of your time even though I shouldn't. You make me hear you talk about a certain topic with someone I don't have a knowledge of. With that, you make me feel lacking.

You helped me with the things you know you can and I can't do anything about it. You realized you had to, and I realized that I have no choice. You make me cling to you even though I shouldn't. You made me talk about you most of the time like I don't know anyone aside from you and people are noticing it because we're always together and I got used to it. With that, you make me feel lacking.

You make people think that we're a package. You being with me made other people think that they needed to go through me first before you. You do and say things to me that are too good to be true and It makes me want to hold into that. You slowly became a part of my world without the need to fall in line for me to talk to you. With that, you make me feel lacking.

I don't know when it all started or when it would stop, but that night made all the difference. The foundation I built with our friendship started to crumble when I realized that being special to you also means realizing how lacking I am compared to you. Yes, it shouldn't matter. But I can't keep on telling myself that when it really does.

I want you to know that no matter what I feel, it will never erase that fact that I will always be thankful that I met you, got close to you and had the chance to really know you better. I also want to let you know that I am proud of you and it will never change.

I guess, people just feel things towards people they really cared for. It was never a human nature to feel mixed emotions with someone they shouldn't even know existed, but as our friendship grew and the experiences I had with you, feeling special and lacking seemed to be the natural order and I am getting better at being okay with that.

Love,

Elle.

It's not you; It's me. It's not an excuse or an alibi. I could lie but I did not. I could trick you, stayed with you and let you believe we're still okay but I did not. I could have made it longer and kept the act, but I did not. I cared, and I still do. I loved and I still do, just not the way I used to.

I don't know when it started but I knew somehow it will come. You see, when I said yes to you, it meant a whole lot more to me. Not just giving up my freedom and sharing it with you, not just accepting the fact that I should be committed nor faithful. But the fact that I should adjust to a life I wasn't used to. Yes, you're a risk. And I took you. Because I hoped for us to be together longer, I hope for us to be different than the past 'together' I had. I wasn't going to hide the fact that I was scared, and the whole duration of us being together, I am still scared. It isn't about my expectations about you or your expectations about me. But my expectations about us.

I was happy. I was contented. It was all there. You were one of the best thing that ever happened and came to me. To my life. And it made me more scared of the thing I know would eventually happen. I got scared for you. I wanted to fight, but I don't want you to endure the pain longer.

You were the longest. You were the most in almost everything.

But it isn't you, because it's me.

I want you to know that I tried. I gave myself the time I don't usually do because I wanted us to work. I wanted to make you happy. I wanted for us to be different. And when I started feeling like the I wasn't feeling it anymore, I could have dropped the bomb immediately but I did not. I wanted to know if I can fight, if I can stay a bit longer and if I can bring it back like when we were just starting.

But I'm sorry, it did not.

I lost it. Yes, I did. I didn't want to, but it did.

Giving you up is one of the hardest decision I have ever made. I was selfish. I didn't want to regret it. I didn't want to blame myself after a while but I had to. I don't want you to waste your time picking up the broken pieces longer. I want you to go because I cared enough. I wanted to let you go while it's still not to hard let go. I slowly opened my hands to let you slip but you hold into me and that's what made it harder.

I made myself believe that we were not for each other, because I can't feel the same feeling anymore. And I still believe it now. Looking back, it became clearer that maybe, we were really just supposed to cross paths for a reason. Maybe, we are never really supposed to be on this side.

You taste like a morning dew and I taste like revolution. I was a coward for not letting you know the real reason and opening up after three years of what I did in this little space in my blog. Forgive me because I couldn't say it to you. I am afraid I'd ruin you. Just like what revolution doesn't usually see; the light in the morning.