Sometimes, tears make a situation more painful than it could be

Even if the tears are necessary to flush your eyes of clouded vision

I'd rather cry in the shower so I can cleanse my tears

Even though, there is no clean way to cry, It's hard to love still waters and turbulent seas

It's an effigy meaning it's hard to love me

Through the coarsely ground grains of my life I can gaze past my defaults and realize, I've broken more hearts than mirrors but these shards hurt

Like profusely flowing like blood, her tears stain my shirt

Yes, I ignited a fire and ended up burning my own fingers

A fuck up is a fuck up especially when the only thing left is the pain that lingers

Apologies aren't enough to erase any amount of pain

What's worse is the realization that the pain inflicted, is the pain one ends up dwelling in

A beautiful smile turned into a puddle of tears

Makeup streaks still soaked into my fingers and her cries implanted deep inside of my ears

With the contemplation of running to her or far away from her

Standing still shows no effort or will not to lose what's dear to me

Hell, I still daydream wishing she was right here with me

But I lost that, killed that, shattered it and left it broken

I tried to keep myself closed even though I was completely open

Not open enough since I only allowed her to be partially in

I lost, dammit I lost but I truly wanted to win

Is it worth crying for, I guess

I don't think begging will leave a badge of honor on my chest

Reach out, I tried

Called out, and was denied

I deserve that, in fact I'm sure with my attempts I'll never hear back from her

I thought I had no baggage but damn my luggage was packed tight

It exceeded the carry on limit by its weight and dimensions because I expected more of her than I was giving

That was an uneven fight

Why did even think for a moment I deserve another chance

In her eyes I'm nothing more than the typical John that lusted for unattached romance

I love her dearly, yes I love her deep

Now here I toss and turn unable to fall asleep

I stare at my phone for a buzz, ring or blinking from a notification

At this rate I'll just be waiting and waiting

Fuck, I’m still waiting

Oh well, I'll have to suck up my fuck up and be forced to let bygones be gone

I should've showed her better

To late my ship has sailed

And me, yes me I missed the fucking boat foolishly

#SoulTouchathePoet

Silly Of me to think that I could ever have you for my girl

How I love you... how I want you...

Silly of me to think that you could ever really want me too

How I love you…

How dare you run reckless demanding respect

Saying that I'm not your daddy so I can’t put you in check

See I can take a step back and reevaluate this situation

But I’ll have to take my dick out of your mouth so you can get back to rolling your ghetto as neck

I never have a problem being down for my chick

I never having an issue helping you reach your goals that seem to be hard to get

Everybody plays the fool but I won’t be that jester for you

Maybe my middle finger is the best gesture for you

I’m having a slight disconnect in the shit that’s appearing

A blatant sinning woman like you craves a man that’s God fearing

There isn’t a toilet strong enough to flush this bullshit that I’m hearing

Now I’m mentally backed up like constipation

Attempting to swallow the shit that you’re saying leaves me in a state of strangulation

Silly of me to think that you could ever know the things I do

Are all done for you… only for you…

Silly of me to take the time to brush my hair and pour the wine

And you’re not there

There is a problem with our emotional economy

How could you be lead where you should be lead while you’re attempting to mislead men by opening your legs

Or playing coy flashing your gritty smile

The years have come and gone

Now you've reached graduation day

Time to proceed from the nest

And start making your own way

We stand behind you blowing wind in your sails

Proudly acknowledging the direction of your pathways

The standing ovations, tears and cheers

Reflections of moving tassels from one side to the other

Caps thrown in the air we lose sight of them yet we they're there

Just as you may stumble during your journey

We're still here

Your mission is to focus on your pathways

The bitter sweetness of giving you a world

Not so long ago given to us

With your drive and dedication set this thing on fire

Blaze a trail for all to admire

Excel to plateaus where you're highly favored and desired

Never accept less than to what you aspire

As you charge forward on your pathways

So congrats to you as we send you on your way

As I reassess my love for you I realize that nothing’s guaranteed and no bond is glue

We’ll have ups and downs like elevators and at times our love will reach the height of sky scrapers

Distance making the heart grown fonder is a theory always pondered as I’m daydreaming into the blue sky’s limits

Love shifts, minds drift, the physical goes through rifts but we must have the ability to see clarity inside of the thickest mists

Many would say loving you is wrong and for me they know what’s right

But none of them soothe my soul when I toss and turn during my lonely nights

You're half the woman that your momma is

Bullshit to a man, poor example for your

You awake to the serious dysfunction that harbors your life

Spending the majority of your essence misleading what's right

I extended my hands but you bit off my fingers

That pain that’s deep in you was rest on me and lingers

I was your lover, your friend, the man of your life

I was everyone you wanted dueling with your life

Is it Münchausen syndrome or Münchausen by proxy?

My attempts to break your cycle were broken when you mocked me

Yet in still I reach out to talk to your heart hug your soul

The words you speak and the look in your eyes

They’re tattered, worn and old

We had a bond being bred from abusive childhoods

You struggled to escape it but I buried mine for the good

I tried to lead you from the air but you refused to be lead

I tried to clear your mind but you blocked me from your head

Where the death or your spiritual life laid

Where the death of your mental stability dissipated

Vanity became the focal point of your survival

Love ultimately became your rival

Chaos was the comfort that kept your days alive

The only euphoria was disguised in the proof of alcoholic vises

You became a whore not selling your ass for the payment of a dead fuck

But for the empty attention that you recycled to create a jealous tirade

Once in your somber and sober state you realize yourself you played

Now you scrape the traces of dried tears from your mascara scarred cheeks

In the crest of the morning you still felt weak

Sun shining high over the horizon yet you stay hidden under the covers with black curtains

You’re no one to yourself but an empty vessel struggling to find footing on flat ground

Unable to see the your plight through your delusion

Forcing yourself to ignore the burning path of damnation that you keep choosing

It’s only you that you’re losing and your children you demand follow you

Adopting your misgivings and mental corruption like abandon babies

Killing their dreams and robbing their childhood maybes

Caught in your crossfire or leaning on momma and recognizing momma is bye bye

Momma’s heart is dying along with her body

Momma’s not living her childhood fantasy

She can’t run fast enough from the forced penetration

Her adolescent memories have her paranoid and misplacing

Misplacing the balance of her harmony and replacing it with constant dreams of misery