The Fish with the Big Melons
There once was a fish trader who didn’t trade fish
From his cart he sold melons that none could resist
His melons were so plump, ripe, and juicy
you would’ve thought they were Kim Kardashians booty
BUT NO THESE WERE REAL, to everyone’s disbelief
So they flocked to his cart to indulge in sweet treats
But the fish trader was adamant. He wouldn’t oblige
He scoffed at their money and said not for I
In shrill voice that protruded from his throat
he let the folks know, that his melons were JUST for show
Not for squeezing and touching or other nasty things of that sort
For these were his melons, not balls for sport
So, he set a price that was too high to bare
They begged for just 1 melon which he would not spare
Money and Gold is not what he wanted
And in a loud voice the fish trader taunted
“What I want is vengeance and vengeance I shall get
On the man who killed my cousin when we were swimming and wet
What I want is his head, mounted on my wall
and he who shall bring me this will get my melons this fall”
So the villagers went out in search for this random man
They knew not what he looked like, whether he was strong, tall, or tan
So they slaughtered every father, boy, and child in sight
Anything for those melons that were so juicy and ripe
They brought back the fish trader the heads on a plank
But in a single glance, he knew they were rank
“You fools!” he cried out in disbelief
“What have you brought me, what a monstrous deed”
“I’m tired of your antics. Let me show you, you’ll see”
He pulled out a pen and drew a shark crudely
This is who I want and bring him quick
His name is Mark the Shark, his motives are sick
And so the bounty was set on the big sharks head
And if you had seen the melons, you would’ve wanted him dead
But Mark was a bastard who would not be caught
He killed every one of whom that he had fought
He laughed in delight and flashed an evil grin
For Mark was monster who would always win
But Mark was greedy like the fish trader himself
“What’s so special of these melons”, he thought to himself
So what he did next, people couldn’t believe
He stoles a man’s lungs in order to breathe
And then he climbed out the ocean and biked his way north
To find the fish trader and take his melons of course
So Mark the Shark biked day and night
Though tired and beaten he put up a fight
Eventually making his way to the village you see
That’s when he saw the fish trader sipping his tea
The sun had just risen, it was the crack of dawn
The shark was tired and let out a yawn
But in front of him now stood the fish trader who didn’t trade fish
He howled, he growled, the melons looked so delish
“You time has come” he told fish trader.
Give me your melons and I’ll see you later.
The fish trader smiled, with his mouth so toothless and dark
“You have fallen for my trap Mark the Shark
Kill you I will, like you killed my cousin”
And with that rolled his melons, not one but a dozen
The big melons bounced up and down delightful
Crushing the Shark ever so spitefully
And then it was over. The deed had been done.
Mark had been killed and the fish trader won
Atop the melons he danced with happiness not spite
He had defeated the tyrant in just a single fight
Then fish trader searched through the dead shark’s corpse
and from it he pulled out his cousin of course
His cousin wasn’t breathing and would be deemed dead
but the fish trader stayed vigil performing CPR instead
And to his delight things worked out well
His cousin came alive, resuscitated from hell
And thus, was the tale of the fish trader who didn’t trade fish
from his cart he sold melons
that none
could resist
The End
The Banana Man
The green oasis lay tucked away in the corner of the city, unknown and unappreciated. It sat soaking in the sunlight, a small ecosystem surviving in the desolate Wisconsin landscape. The greenhouse conservatory was about the size of a small lecture hall, its ceiling rising up 20 feet into the air encasing the area in a structural dome. Littered throughout the conservatory were a variety tropical trees shooting up out of the ground, rising into the sky. Their light grey bark clasped tightly to the tree’s interior with little tufts of grass sprouting intermittently along the trunk. The trees shot up from the red stone laden ground pressing up against the ceiling, creating a miniature canopy within which no creatures lived. The perimeter of the greenhouse was lined with topsoil from which odd shrubbery and small flowering plants emerged. It gave the place a garden like feel despite the thick spiny vines that clambered down the wood paneling of the walls and the density of jungle trees. A small fountain lay in the middle of the area, its water trickling down into a tiny pool below creating a relaxing splash of sounds. Small swarms of ants raced up and down the three wooden benches gathering crumbs of food left by the occasional visitor. The walls of the greenhouse were made of a thick transparent glass glued together between wood frames forming a consistent checkered pattern. Every wall was a window, but a thick layer of water vapor draped over the panes shielding those inside from witnessing the cold barren wasteland that lay less than 10 feet away. Outside the greenhouse sanctuary, winds howled savagely, bringing with them a pelting of frozen white bullets that assaulted anyone who dared to venture outside of their homes. And if that wasn’t enough, the frigid air bombarded the senses making it painful to breathe and threatening to freeze one’s extremities. Occasionally the sun would peak out of the sky refracting off the snow, deceptively brightening the landscape. People tried to make the best of it. They took advantage of the frictionless powder that draped the land engaging in “fun” activities like sledding, snowboarding, and skiing. Enzo was not one of those people. Though frequently traversing the hostile environment, he had one goal and one goal only. To reach his sanctuary, the greenhouse.
Enzo was a graduate student at the University of Wisconsin Madison studying Communication Arts. Despite this, he had no interest in working in that field. In fact, he had no idea in what interested him at all. He wasn’t particularly intelligent, nor was he particularly stupid. Enzo was a simple young man. He was blunt, honest, and just trying to find his place in life. Enzo lived a life with a nonchalance that angered those who couldn’t unshackle themselves from others’ expectations and repulsed those who were driven and passionate. Enzo didn’t believe in god. He didn’t believe in the goodness of people. He didn’t even love his family. When he saw a rabbit next to the sidewalk, his instinct wasn’t to go over and pet it, instead all he could think of was how far he could punt it. It wasn’t a malicious act as much as an act of curiosity, wondering how far he could send the poor creature flying.
Enzo was a well-spoken individual and had a charisma that only someone who was completely unrestricted could possess. When he spoke, it was clear there was no manipulation or deception behind his words. He spoke frankly and genuinely. In a way that was both uncommon yet comforting.
Enzo was headstrong. He did what he wanted, when he wanted, and how he wanted to do it. Most of the time his decisions were well informed, but that wasn’t the issue. The issue was that there was no compromise and no cooperation. Enzo didn’t believe in traditional societal values. He didn’t intentionally go against them, instead he chose to do what he deemed fit. His perception was his only moral compass and he took what others thought with a grain of salt.
Enzo walked into the greenhouse and was greeted by a warm blast of humid air that gave him a gentle hug. “Welcome back”, it said. Enzo smiled. Water vapor condensed on his glasses blocking the beautiful greenery that lay before him. But he had seen it all before; after all, he had been coming here daily since August of last year. He took a deep breath in as the rich earthy air circulated through his lungs invigorating his entire body. It made him feel as if he were part of the earth itself, alive and thriving. He looked around staring at the big leafy trees, listening to gentle trickle of water, and smelling the flowers whose aromas were so bright and fragrant that he felt the instantaneous urge to rise up and burst into song and dance.
After appreciating the beauty that surrounded him. Enzo sat down on a bench and pulled out his to do list. The greenhouse was his personal sanctuary, but it also served as his miniature library. Its’ resources were not books and computers, but rather a bright uplifting energy that flowed through the place. It helped him concentrate on his schoolwork and was a critical part of his wellness routine. During his time at the Greenhouse, Enzo would meditate, read, journal, and complete his homework. He worked for hours as the sun traversed the sky slowly melting away into the horizon. The sunlight faded and was soon replaced by the gentle glow of the moon. Enzo worked as the shadows grew and the greenhouse was submerged in darkness. The only remaining light sources were the streetlamps whose beams streamed down through the glass panes making sight possible but extremely difficult. As dinner time approached, Enzo wrapped up the assignment he was working on and headed back to his apartment to enjoy a steamy bowl of ramen noodles. As he made his way out of the dark building, he tripped over a fallen branch. Thump! As he fell, Enzo’s head slammed into a banana tree that lay a few feet in front of him.
“Hey!!” he heard a high pitched angsty teenage voice squeal. “I’m trynna to sleep here!”
“Huh?!”, Enzo said in a puzzled tone but there was no response. “Did I get a concussion or am I just way too hungry?” Enzo wondered as he made his way back to his apartment.
The next morning, Enzo awoke to a dull throbbing in his right temple. A dark purple bruise had formed around the area and his skin had puffed out from the swelling. “Ughh” Enzo groaned as he rolled out of bed. Nevertheless, his daily routine continued on uninterrupted. He ate breakfast, hit the gym, showered, went to class, and finally returned to his sanctum, the Greenhouse. Upon arrival, he was greeted by the familiar sights and sensations. After taking a second to admire the tranquil beauty that flowed through the space, he got straight to work. It was Friday and Enzo needed to complete a 15-page Films and Communication paper before the weekend was over. He sat on a bench typing up a storm of words watching them rally down the page with precision and intent. Enzo turned the water fountain off. The only sound that could be heard in the greenhouse was the continuous stream of clicking that bounced off of Enzo’s keyboard echoing throughout the conservatory.
“Watchu working on?” A voice chirped in the background. Enzo spun around looking for the source of the voice but there was no one there. Perhaps his imagination had got the better of him, so he returned back to his work.
“You know ignoring people is rude, mister.” the voice piped up again.
“What the!?” Enzo looked around trying to see who was pranking him, but no one was there. “Alright, I’ve heard of these hidden camera pranks. Very funny you guys. You got me” he announced loudly.
“No cameras here, silly.” the voice squeaked. Enzo tried to pinpoint where the voice was coming from, but it seemed to be emerging from all angles; the walls, the trees, the plants, even the soil. Perplexed, Enzo remained silent.
“Hellloooo, you still haven’t answered my question mister. So rude!”
Enzo decided to play along with the pranksters,
“I’m writing a critique on fight club that analyzes the message it spreads and its impact on society.”
“Sounds boring.”
“Maybe to you. I’m focusing on an iconic scene when Tyler states ‘Know not fear but know that someday, you’re going to die’. It’s basically the version of YOLO that hasn’t been appropriated by Frat bros and party girls. It’s a actually a very profound statement.”
“Well I’m not going to die so… sounds pretty stupid to me dude.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Everything that is alive must at some point die”
“Not meeee, I’m what you hairless monkeys call a spirit… BOO!”
“A spirit? What are you talking about??”
“See all this lush life, beauty, and energy. All of that culminated into something. That something is me. I am the energetic reality, a conscious manifestation of the life that surrounds you.”
Enzo had had enough of this nonsense.
“Alright, very funny guys. You pranksters think you’re going to get me to talk to a tree on camera. Not gonna happen! Now leave me alone, I got work to do.”
“If this were a prank, would I be able to do this” and at that moment a ripe yellow banana fell out the tree landing perfectly into Enzo’s lap. “Or this!” and in that instance a vibrant orange Lily sprouted out of the ground next to Enzo’s leg. “Convinced, I’m not a prankster yet?”
Baffled, Enzo didn’t know how to respond. Either this was the most elaborate prank he had ever witnessed, or he was talking to a spirit. Enzo, clearly rattled by what was going on didn’t know how to respond.
“Ummm… surrree but why are you talking to me? Why now?”
“You woke me up, you knucklehead”
“What do you mean I woke you up?”
“Remember yesterday when you ever so graciously headbutted me?”
“I tripped.”
“Same difference. You woke me up from my slumber. And now I can’t go back to sleep! Do you know how much fun sleeping is!? I could do whatever I wanted in my dreams. I was tanning in the hot Jamaican sun. I shared soil with coconut trees. I had as much fertilizer as I wanted. INFINITE FERTILIZER MAN! Do you know how good fertilizer feels?”
“Can’t say that I do”.
“Well it feels great! And now look at me. Now that I’m awake, what can I do? I’m so bored. All I do is watch ants gather crumbs, trees shed leaves, and water splash into a pool. You can only do that for so long. And the worst part is, I can’t even leave this place. My life force is attached to it”
“Is there any way I can help you fall back asleep? You need some melatonin or something? That stuff knocks me right out.”
“I don’t need any melatonin, dummy! Do I look like I need melatonin? When have you ever seen a tree and thought ‘man this tree could sure use some melatonin, look at those circles under its bark!’”
“Well, what do you want me to do about it? I didn’t wake you up on purpose!”
“Well you did, and now you gotta help me figure out either how to fall back asleep or get me out of this stinking place!” There was a brief pause.
“Rigghtt. I’ll um try to figure something out. Thanks for the banana by the way” he muttered before hastily darting out of the Greenhouse. By the time he made it back to his apartment he was famished. “What a day! I’m definitely not going to back there again”, he thought before wolfing down the gifted banana thoughtlessly.
Two weeks went by and Enzo had not set foot in the greenhouse. Like a normal student, he began studying in the libraries. He pretended like nothing had happened and avoided discussing the matter with anyone altogether, including his peers. On the exterior, he seemed perfectly fine, but internally he was rattled. Not only had the experience spooked him but it also made him question the reality in which he lived. What else didn’t he know about!? How many supernatural beings were out there? Is god real? It was driving him crazy keeping this knowledge to himself. One day after class, he went to discuss the matter with Brent, a close friend of his. He explained all that had happened to him in the greenhouse. He told him about the voice, then Terra, and finally about the banana and sprouting lily. As Enzo explained, the concern on Brent’s face grew. Finally, after listening to the whole story Brent replied,
“Listen man, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I think your concussion might be more severe than you thought. I think you should go see a doctor”
“No, I swear. This is real. This is not a hallucination. The Terra spirit was real. It had its own voice, personality, and everything. It was even a bit sassy”
“Who you calling Sassy, Dingus!?” shouted a voice in the back of his head.
“What the??” Enzo stammered in confusion.
“That’s right, you thought you could escape me. Well you caaaannnnn’t”, sang the voice.
“Get out of my head!”, Enzo shouted.
“Nah, I kind of like it in here. I think I’ll stay for a while.”
“No, No, No, No, No! Why are you in my brain? You said you couldn’t escape from the Greenhouse!”
“Technically yes, but more accurately I hadn’t been able to escape the greenhouse at that point yet.”
“How didd you…?”
“Banana”, Terra replied as the terrible realization dawned on Enzo.
Brent who could not hear Terra’s voice but could here Enzo’s strange conversation with himself became very concerned. “Has Enzo lost his marbles?”, he thought. Not knowing what to do, Brent stood there trying to calm his friend down.
“Hey Enzo chill, chill, chill. Relax. Take a deep breath. Remember your meditation techniques.”
“How can I relax! It’s inside my head, Brent, there’s no escape!”, he shouted grabbing Brent by the shoulders shaking him vigorously.
“Get a grip!”, Brent cried out gipping Enzo’s arm.
“You don’t understand. It’s in my head, it’s in my head!” Enzo cried out before pushing Brent away and sprinting out into the icy streets of Madison.
Another few weeks went by and the second round of midterms were just around the corner. Bright lights adorned the roofs of building twinkling through the cold night. The aroma of peppermint, snow, and hot cocoa filled the homes of delighted children. Through the windows of those houses you could see the beautiful trees that dazzled inside. Enzo’s house on the other hand, was in complete disarray. A former minimalist haven, Enzo’s room was now littered with an assortment of mismatched plants. Cacti lined the wall like a barbed wire fence. Spiny weeds and dandelions danced across the countertops in red clay pots bringing an ugly liveliness to the room. A miniature terrace had been constructed along the walls of the room from which long thick vines hung from forming a living curtain to the house’s windows. The only thing that seemed fitting was the large Christmas tree that stood at the center of the living room of his apartment; unadorned, magnificent in its simplicity. Terra’s hold had grown substantially.
As the weather grew colder and finals approached, Enzo had come to understand Terra but still had yet to accept its presence in his mind. Not only did Enzo hate sharing head space with another entity, Terra was like an immature child who didn’t know when to quit talking. It had just awoken with the mind of a teenager but the education of an infant. It didn’t understand empathy, morals, or societal norms. All it understood, was that it wanted to explore, have fun, and live a liberated life. Enzo was in the way of this goal. Enzo was his obstacle. Terra had no higher purpose. It had one simple goal, freedom. And it would do whatever it took to achieve this goal. For once in his life, Enzo had met his match. He faced a being that saw no compromise, that saw no grey, just black and white; win or lose. Terra did what it wanted, when it wanted to do it. But Enzo would not submit. He was still in control of his body and had no intention of backing down. So the feud continued, Terra slowly sowing the seeds of destruction into the cracks of Enzo’s mind. Slowly chiseling away and infecting his thoughts. Not through any means of supernatural control but through verbal manipulation and abuse.
Terra would pester him incessantly. Causing Enzo constant stress and anxiety that began to impact his life. Enzo’s grades had dropped sharply, and his health was noticeably deteriorating due to his newfound diet. He had developed a particular appetite for banana-based products including raw bananas, banana bread, banana cream pie, and occasionally, even banana peels. He even had begun to return to the greenhouse, spending a feverish number of hours there. Why not? It’s not like he could escape Terra any longer. It would speak to him in private occasionally, but the moment they were out in public it would barrage him with a slew of questions and cheeky comments. At first, Enzo tried to mask his conversations with Terra in public, but Terra’s persistent nagging soon got to him. It began with him muttering to Terra in a hushed tone while walking between classes. This quickly deteriorated into full blown conversations and arguments, anytime and anywhere. A previously unknown student, Enzo had developed a reputation of being the crazy kid, with a short temper, who talked to himself. He tried his best to avoid it while he was in class but on several occasions, he found himself forced to dismiss himself in the middle of lecture in order to either calm Terra down or bicker with it. He couldn’t escape Terra. No matter what he tried, it was always there.
Enzo tried ingesting plant toxins, slamming his head against a wall repeatedly, and force vomiting the contents of his stomach. He even tried taking melatonin. All of which were to no avail. Terra was here to stay, and it liked its new home.
One day while in class, Terra was being particularly annoying. Spouting on and on, telling him about the Alaskan Wilderness, the farms in East Asia, and the rainforests of Brazil.
“Look at this horrible concrete structure, the piss colored cement sidewalks, the tiny box you call an apartment. You like living in there you stupid monkey? Is this what life amounts to you? Big monkey like shiny shiny and big building.” Terra chided. His obnoxious ramblings continuing to jab at Enzo’s sanity. Terra didn’t seem malicious in intent, nevertheless, he needed to be entertained even if it came at the cost of Enzo’s mind.
Enzo had had enough. The last straw had fallen. The camel’s back crumbled beneath the weight. The frayed seams of Enzo’s mind burst open unleashing a torrent of madness. In that moment, all the repressed thoughts and feelings that had been pent up over the course of his life came flooding through to the forefront of his mind.
“SHUT UP!”, screamed Enzo in the middle of class. Silence fell over the entire classroom as the eyes looked up from the notebooks, the gazes piercing his now thin skin. The professor stared at him in disbelief, the students staring with equal shock.
Enzo failed that class and was dropped from the University’s master’s program a week later. The fracture in Enzo’s mind only grew wider under the continual pressure of Terra’s blabber and his termination from the college program was just the cherry on top of the mental break down flavored ice cream sunday. The time for thought, for chatter, for discussion, for rationality was long gone. Now, it was time for action. He knew what he needed to do.
“Where are we going”, Terra asked Enzo as they walked into the local convenience store, but Enzo did not reply. Terra’s voice peppered him with taunts, ideas, and thoughts but he ignored them. It was like Terra was playing a ping pong match, but Enzo was refusing to even serve. He was tuned out. He himself didn’t know what he was doing. It was impulsive and thoughtless, a reactionary instinct. His breaking point had long been surpassed. He didn’t know what he was doing but he knew what needed to be done.
Enzo sat placidly in the greenhouse. He waited for hours as the sun traversed the sky slowly melting away into the horizon. The sunlight faded and was soon replaced by the gentle glow of the moon. Enzo waited as the shadows grew and the greenhouse was completely submerged in darkness. The only remaining light source were the streetlamps whose beams streamed down through the glass panes making sight possible but extremely difficult. He wore a hood pulled up over his face and a puffy winter coat that hid the rest of his body. By the time he had finished, the whole conservatory wreaked of fumes. The fumes of Kerosene. The ground was now slippery, like a fryer soaked in grease. Terra was saying something, frantically banging against Enzo’s mind begging him to stop. But there was nothing conscious in Enzo’s actions.
A gunshot rang through the empty streets of the university. No one knew where it came from. No one could hear it because no one cared to listen. A glass pane of the greenhouse shattered, and the conservatory went up in flames, engulfed by red talons of destruction that consumed, charred, and burned everything in its path.
“That won’t kill me!” screamed Terra “I’m part of you now you idiot. What are you doing, you fool!?” There was no reply.
Enzo watched the destruction reclining in the front seat of his car. When he was satisfied with the carnage, he placed the key in the ignition turning it gently listening to the engine roar to life. Enzo knew exactly where to go as he sped off into the streets of Wisconsin never to be seen in that cold desolate wasteland again.
Somewhere in the Northern Deserts of Mexico
The floor of the plantation was littered with foliage. The once bright puffy green leaves lay on the ground, now dead, dehydrated, and decomposing. As Enzo walked forward, the ground crackled shrilly as banana leaves snapped beneath his feet. Each footstep was placed with absolute precision, the muscles in his legs tensing as he traversed the uneven terrain. A mouse scurried away quickly as the menacing footsteps approached, darting off into the beautiful maze of trees. Enzo walked through the man-made jungle, outstretching his arms feeling the smooth brown-green exteriors of the tree trunks. Emerging into a clearing, he reached out and plucked a ripe piece of fruit. Sitting down, he slowly chomped down on it, dissecting it piece by piece. Its bright yellow outside complemented by its soft white interior. Out of the cover of the trees, he soaked in the rays of the bright sun that peeled away at his already burnt skin. Suddenly, Terra’s voice popped into his head breaking his calm,
“The visitors have arrived” it announced excitedly.
A small group of tourists awaited outside the farm. They gazed out at the vast plantation of stout banana trees that thrived in the rich untapped soils of Mexico. A previously ungrowable land which miraculously had become fertile 5 years prior upon Enzo’s arrival. Slowly, Enzo rose to his feet, his knees cracking violently, his sunburnt skin dry and ashy.
He strode out to meet the 6 bright eyed tourists that had ventured out to the remote part of the country. “Welcome to Terra’s Banana Plantation, the newest and fastest growing farm in all of Mexico. My name is Enzo, I’m the founder, farmer, and today’s tour guide of Terra farms”, he announced. Enzo showed the tourists around the farm as the nature loving travelers snapped pictures, picked fruit, and chatted amongst each other. He watched as they jumped up plucking at the sickly-sweet bananas. Tearing into them with delight and vigor.
“Delicious” cried one.
“Outstanding” announced another.
“Man, I wish I could have fruit like this every day” announced the third. Enzo smirked. He looked out at the plantation watching his ‘employees’ slave away in the field, picking fruit, fertilizing the soil, and irrigating the plants. None of them looked like laborers. That was because none of them were. Enzo’s attention returned to the tourists as he watched them munching down on the succulent fruit. He let out a laugh. It was the kind of laugh that almost sounded genuine. It was so close to a joyous laugh that it could’ve deceived the most observant listeners. It wasn’t malevolent in intent but had a dark mischievous undertone. Its subtlety making it all the more sinister.
“More Toys!” Terra thought giggling to himself “More Toys”. Enzo looked out at the group of the tourists.
“Welcome to the family!”, he announced. “Welcome to Terra farms!”.