She

I am wondering why this existence is something of an innosense.

I can’t help but wonder while writing this with the blurred vision tears bring

Why i cannot simple be

I think to myself that someone, something, anything will be there for me

But you never came and i am left there, empty, sorrowful.

You’re blissful ignorance is more important than the life i was given

And then the blurred vision returns only this time, i am not crying

I don't think i can handle this anymore

The birds chirp, the people laugh, and i remain smiling, with the idea that I may be jolly

But with every action comes a reaction, and with that, i am left alone again

Why does the law of nature not work here?

I keep hoping and smiling, yet...nothing.

Can i keep going on?

The girl i loved is simply beautiful.

Girl...huh. Its funny how changing the noun is something that's been made natural to me

Adding an “s” in front of the word i wish to say

Being taught that “er” is what I should love… not “im.”

But i can't keep this up

I am fucking tired of being the reason why I cannot fucking exist

I’m tired of staying up late to write this fucking poems

I’m tired of having to conform to your society just so I may avoid the effect of bullying.

I'm just tired man

I don't want to be the next face of why we shouldn’t judge

But i guess it wouldn’t matter because I wouldn’t know

I want to be able to see without my vision being blurred by tears or covered with dirt.

But i guess a lost memory is just that...lost.

I’m glad i wrote this because the alternative is much worse

All i would’ve done is cause grief to my family and close friends

And after a week, something else will pop up and I am but a memory.

Hopefully when i read this again, will be able to say it.

But for now

S’he’s so beautiful. 

an existence without a meaning

is a fruitful nothingness 

a life without worry or pain

is a blissful ignorance                   

                                                          but is that so bad?

others say that i should do more

but honestly, i do to much.

other say i'm always lost

but i never had intention to be found

                                                         so am i lost?

why exist for another

when you cant even exist

why love

when it leads to hate

tell me please.

i am unable to retain this feeling

i think i am something more

but i cant stop feeling that 

the voice are actually there

                                                            what are they saying?

the words are muffled but i can make out some words

but the words i hear i don't want to hear

because they will make me think

and i will start to fe-

                                                         i forgot......

who am i again?

why did i live?

i guess we're back again

just an existence without meaning.