his mind fell into the hollow cave he called love once again, hoping for a different outcome this time.

but he knew after a while his mind would attempt to will his heart to stop beating and he’d fall back into this thing defined as depression.

what the point in trying to be happy, always smile to make a good impression, things will get better over time is starting to fade in the background like how you ignore a ticking clock at night your mind grows used to it and you stop paying attention to it. you begin to realize maybe things won’t get better, maybe your stuck in this rut. but when you feel stuck your mind goes to the one way you know out. Grab a rope form an s from right to left leave a loop around your neck tied to the roof kick out the chair, a hangman’s noose.

find the bottle don’t exceed 2 take a dozen and than 4 more, always living life looking for an escape suicidal since grade 6. fuck. FUCK. i hate these mental scars you left behind, my dad told me girls find scars attractive, i think he met on the outside, i don’t know how anyone could fall for my scars how i shake uncontrollably when i hear her name, or how i feel knifes in my head and not the normal pain, it’s fine though all these levels of psychosis makes it impossible to feel okay... except when someone’s ask me how i am for some reason i still say okay. i’m in love right now but i know i’ll never be the same, so i’m just waiting for the chair to slip and the rope to draw taught, and free me of my pain.

she tried checking my google search history, expecting to find porn or that i was looking at other girls.

she got mad when i hid it from her and wouldn’t let her see, assumed she wasn’t good enough for me, i didn’t want her to see that the last thing i searched because it was how many pills of my mothers prescription could kill me.

it would kill her to know how badly i wanted to die, so i hid the smallest things from her and she told me i never tried. i’m sorry but this depression has taken all of my energy darling, and i’m not equipped to help another person right now, distance yourself from me before i finally drown, because i’ve been treading water all my life and i’m forgetting how to swim, so stand on the shore and don’t you dare jump in

trapped inside your eyes my mind wanders to the contents of the universe how in one instant you can see something more beautiful than the sun kissing the horizon exploding the sky with colours of wonder, more beautiful than water falling off an ancient mountain creating mist that sends rainbows throughout the sky.

and than i snap back when you ask me why i’m staring at you, i apologize and smile for i couldn’t explain the wonders i see inside your eyes or you would think i’m mad, i couldn’t explain how when i look into your eyes and hold up your face, i swear i can see the infinite starts that stretch across time and space.

i guess i’ll have to wait to tell you, when you’ve realized my brain, for now i must wait and watch, till your ready to hear these things.

wait she whispered as he stormed out of the room

barely catching his ear, he fell for her rouse,

he turned his eyes back and laid them on her face,

where a tear fell and dropped without a trace.

i love you she said believing those 3 words held the cure to madness and could fix all the wrongs.

but those weren’t the words he was looking to hear, so he turned back and left , if only she’ had said the words he was waiting for, i’m sorry i hurt you, it won’t happen again but he knew hearing that would just hurt him more because she was a liar, if the truth be told

a beautiful liar,

but a liar nonetheless.

the pounding in my head grows louder as i stand on this old bridge screaming your name,

i fall onto my knees my strength sucked from me but there is an absence of pain, all of my passion put out on my sleeve, exposing my heart and truly showing me.

it echos throughout eternity, and as those 5 letters leave my lips, time slows down where the rain just drips slowly and softly creating a symphony of unheard orchestrated melodies, drenched now from the heavens crying at such a beautiful remark of pure empathicness, i hear it again in my own voice returning to me quieter than my own screams but still carries the wait of my emotion.

your name echos through my mind, guiding me through the darkness as i search for answers only you can help me find.