I was a little boy that knew who his father and talked to him every other day on the phone but still felt that I was abandoned by him.

He’ll visit sometimes but I was about one or four about that time.

So even though I knew my father I never had that father figure in my life.

Even though I knew who he was I never had him to teach me how to fish, or how to ride a bike, or play sports.

My cousin and uncles had to teach me and some I learned on my owe.

My father never came to see me play sports even after I told him the time and date.

My father never gave me them talks about whats right or wrong nor did he tell how to be a men and how to respect a woman or talk to one things I had to learn on my own.

When I needed my father the most he wasn’t around to help.

People thought I was going to be gay because all I played with was girls but that was all I had. I didn’t know anybody I was young.

Even my own Mama though I was gonna be gay.

My father never came to my elementary graduation nor my eighth grade graduation and I called and told him to come.

I might know my father but I never had them dad and son moments.

So even I though I knew who my dad was I still don’t know him as a person.

I don’t even how he was raised nor do I even know my own grandparents even till this day I don’t know him or them R.I.H to both of them.

Thats why I acted the way I act because growing up without your father as a young boy into a grown men really changes you as a men.

My father never even wanted me he wanted to get an abortion.

Thats why sometimes I have mixed emotions and start being antisocial because even though its the past that pain still rides with you through your life.

So I might know my father but im still fatherless.

-Victor Quashie

Just because I smile and laugh all the time doesn’t mean I’m happy.

Just because I say I don’t give a fuck doesn’t mean I’m not bothered.

Just because I make it seem like im living my best life doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days.

Just because I have close friends and family doesn’t mean I can just open up about how I really feel.

Just because I say I don’t want to go somewhere doesn’t mean I wanna be alone.

Just because I say im good doesn’t mean it’s true.

Just because I say I got this doesn’t mean I don’t need your support.

Just because a person say something doesn’t mean that they’re ok it’s deeper than what you think everybody has their own personal problems and most people know how to get through them. Thought everybody need something or someone to trust because it’s always deeper than the picture!!!

What do you do when you’re full of pain.

So much pain even your pain is full of pain.

What do you do when all you do is listen to someone else pain and all you want in return is for them to listen to your pain.

What do we do when we feel more pain then the good thing we done.

What do we do when changes in life start to come and we don’t nowhere to start.

If pain hurts why do we feel it.

Because as I say “pain is the most deadliest thing on the planet” and if true I don’t want any part of it.

But the real question im asking is how do we get rid of all the pain we have so that when we face new pain we can easy take it away.

-Victor Quashie

You said you will talk to me to keep me company, Though I never asked.

You said that you was gonna be there to the very end, Though I never asked.

You said that you would never tell my secrets, Though I never asked.

You said that I was your only friend, Though I never asked.

You said I was the only person on your mind, Though I never asked.

You said if I break you will be there to pick up the pieces, Though I never asked.

You said you was gonna take me to France, Though I never asked.

You said that you was gonna buy me whatever I wanted, Though I never asked.

You said you wanted to start a family, Though I never asked.

You said you wanted to get married one day, Though I never asked.

You said you wanted to give me the world, Though I never asked.

But you didn’t know that I was never into to you, Though you never asked.

Because while you was to busy assuming that I would like and telling me what you was gonna do and give me I was to busy telling the person that I wanted the same thing thinking they would fall for me, Though we never asked!!!

See this is what we do when God put somebody good and that will do right by us in are life and we just continue to look past them because that person don’t meet our standards or in other words they not the person we really want.

-VictorQuashie