Eerie cloud swallowed the sky

Ever so loud, the thunder roared

That my window pane rattled,

And so, did my soul,

It howled

Like the wolf to the moon-

The wolf in my soul howled out,

And my eyes wept

Everything for years, beneath me, that I kept,

The shame that I buried,

The tongues that I buried,

The pride that I buried,

Every scar I hid behind my scar-less face

The pain -until I gallantly rescued my memories

from deep in dark place.

The rain calmed,

and so, did my tears

cleansing away my sins and my fears

Now,

Nothing but me is my sovereign boss.

No more naïve-ness,

Or a mess,

No more confusing love with sinful kiss,

No more confusing hope for genuine bond.

There is peace in my soul

And in my eyes,

That’s how the Einin

Learned to fly

Over the oceans

And under the cacophonous sky.

Funny thing, memories.

“I will smell it when you are not near,” she giggled as she put my black t-shirt in her red bag. She talked too much. She was about to leave.

“You love me. Why do you love me? I asked. I was looking at the floor.

“No reasons. Love you for what you are,” she smiled. Crooked smile. She talked too much.

“For what I am? But I am not me sometimes,” I was still looking on the floor breathing heavily.

“I will bring you back,” she stared at my orange pills as she said that.

“Taking these daily?”, she showed me the transparent bottle filled with those orange pills.

“They are terrible. Messed with my head, even my mood”

“But are you taking these?”, she was attentive to hear my reply. She continued, “Mood-stabilizers, you cannot miss these.”

#

Three years, three goddamn years. He and I started staying together. I thought I wouldn’t let him conquer me. I told him she was important to me and not to mess with her.

“I haven’t had these for the last 43 days. I flushed them.”, I replied to her.

“Get-away,” he shouted. She stayed there like she didn’t hear it.

“Honey I am here to stay with you in your darkest times but you must take those pills. You know I love... ,” she consoled me.

Still staring at the floor-I interrupted, “Work, huh?”,

“It’s for us. I have to get you meds and all. Two weeks and it’s over. Can’t let go of this job, honey. They are paying big; we’ll be settled for a year. 15 more days and I will make your coffee every morning. We will stay together.”

#

She had come to see me after 43 days. We used to stay together but she had to make money. Alone for the last 43 days. But not really, there was Jenny, my dog. It had black patches in its body - barked too much. Kathy, my maid, she made me food and cleaned my home - had a crazy loud smile and Dr Samantha visited me every two days; she questioned too much.

Funny thing, memories.

‘Hmm. 15 days. I am alone,’, I replied.

“I am right here honey. Every single minute, you are on my mind. It’s for us. By the way, where is Jenny?”

“That dog is of no help. Barks too much. I let it go.”

The rug had the ugliest print. The leafless branches like they were reaching towards me.

“You let it go? But Jenny was such a good boy.”

I was silent. For a moment, I felt I shouldn’t have let go.

“Anyway, it’s about to be an hour. I only came to see you. Will have to drive back to work. Do you want me to stay?” She sounded disappointed.

“Work is important. It’s for us. I am fine. It’s only two weeks.”, I told her.

#

“But I am not. Look at those ugly prints”, he roared. He meant the paint on the rug -those leafless branches.

“Stop it. Leave her alone” I confronted him.

“Is he still around?”, as if she heard him.

“You cannot hear him, can you?”. I glanced at her.

“But is he around”? she asked.

I was silent, head down, sitting on the couch.

“Dr Samantha called me on Tuesday before she came here. She wanted me to tell you not to miss your meds. Did you mess with her? She sounded tired.” She glared at me as she said that.

“I didn’t. She asked me questions. He messed with her.” “She never listens, only talks too much. Nobody listens.”, he completed my sentence.

“Leave her alone.”, I shouted at him.

“Babe, get me the injection, it’s upstairs. He is talking too loud.”

“You can’t always ignore me,” he said, furiously. But then, he laughed. That crooked laugh.

She ran upstairs. She shouted. That crooked sound of her scream. I walked upstairs.

That purple-sky painting hanging on the stairway wall. The purple sky for god-sake, ugly. It’s not even real colour.

#

She had found them. My dog lying beside a broken lamp with blood dried up in its skin and Kathy and Samantha, with holes in their bodies. You can’t imagine how much blood there is in a body. Endless gallons. And how scary it feels to dig a hole in the body. No, it takes hours and hours, hitting them with a lamp on their head and they would still be breathing at times. You have to be there to make sure they die. It takes even longer with a goddamn dog staring at you. I loved Jenny but he stared - like I was making a mistake. Barked at me. You don’t bark at your master. I didn’t want to hit its head with a knife. But it barked at me.

And now she shouted at me like I was making a mistake; ugly scream. He was bothered, not me. He grabbed her arm. She struggled. He picked the knife that had pierced Samantha’s gut. It’s hard to find a place to dig a hole in the body- not like in movies. He stabbed her neck. You should see blood squirting. She laid there begging for her life for a long time. That ugly scream. He didn’t let me help her. I tried.

“Stop it,” I tried to tell him. But he never listens. Nobody listens.

#

Three years, three goddamn years, he remained silent. He hated orange pills. Now I am in this mental asylum for the rest of my life. I hate this as if I don’t deserve it. Funny thing, they call us by the same name, as if we are not two different persons but one. But trust me when I say he is crazier than I am.

She didn’t listen to Samantha when she told her that I was being crazy. Because she never listens. Nobody listens.

Funny thing, memories.

* * *

#thriller #suspense #psychologicalthriller #mystery #fiction