A letter to my 8-year-old self

Dear my 8-year-old self, you’re maybe carefree and mean and doesn’t listen to what others say you may rule your group of friends and can easily mix in with other kids, you can pick fights against girls you don’t like and you are a bully, you are confident and you can say and do everything you like,  BUT  I’m telling you this 10 years from your current time everything you are has changed…

Dear myself, I have regrets that even now I keep on  thinking so listen to me…

On your first day of third grade please smile and tell that person that you also remember him, he’s the only one to remember your name from first grade even though you only had transferred school for one year and got separated from your friends they already forgot you.

Please don’t think suicide is a joke, don’t play with a blade. Because when you grow up and became me you will understand what it feels to hold a blade without joking.

You will have a new friend and her name was Rhea, please don’t scare her, and don’t you ever tell her lies and made up stories, one of it will come true and her mother will die. Though it’s fully co incidence because of that you won’t be able to talk to her because of guilt.

Always cherish your friends and be honest to them. If ever you can please stop telling lies because if you didn’t stop right at your age you will never be able to… just like me you’ll despise yourself.

At that age of eight you will meet another transfer student you will be playmates. Everyday after school you will play with him on the playground. Both of you like seesaw and you ride it on a dangerous and extreme way you will have all the fun and play there until every sunset. BUT PLEASE don’t stop playing with him once you knew he had a heart disease don’t avoid him because you're afraid. He will transfer the next year and you will never be able to talk to him again.

And what I regret the most… Please do not bully your seatmate and her little sister. Out of all the regrets I had maybe this one I wanted to correct the most. She was a very good girl yet you will bully her orally and you will bully her sister too physically. But you know, she would still keep on smiling she would never fight back, she might even noticed that you like listening to stories that’s why she will tell you some. And years from your current time she’s the only grade school classmate you can smile at and greet back at you when you passed each other on the street. I’M TELLING YOU one  year from your current time it will be you who was kissing the floor just to get your science project your classmates hide. And even ten years from your current time you still can’t forgive yourself for bullying a good person, that you feel hatred toward yourself for being mean, for not even saying sorry.

So for the last time my Eight year old self I'm telling you ten years from now you will have social anxiety, you have very few friends, you are the underdog, you are a coward, and you can’t speak freely, you want adventure but the only place you know was school and home, so do everything you can to lessen your regrets.

However, this letter will never reach you… and regrets stay as regrets.