Last I dreamed I was talking

To a girl who doesn't exist

She was nice and asked me questions

And I asked her things too

At the very end I thought for a brief second

Before reality came crashing down

That she was real

I have the time to do work

But I can't make my hands move

Can't lift my head

(can I even breathe)

Sorry I'm lazy

Sorry I can't even care

I have nothing to share

Nothing to say

No air to breathe out

As soon as I am able

When I have cash

No options left to eat on the table

I'll be gone in a flash

I'll dunk my head in bleach

Contacts instead of glasses

Always out of their reach

Blending in with the masses

I can make my prints burn

Change into Jane Doe

But then I'll learn

What I already know

A bird can't fly in a cage

Flowers don't grow in the shade

The book stops at this page

Because I can never get away

I want to lay down at the Half Moon Bay

Feel the sand sinking me dragging me down

Then I remember I hate the sand

But it's better than being around

I have never been there before

But you told me about it at the park

Smiling and talking even when it rained

Shouting about it in the dark

Please let me see and feel a clean ocean

Unlike mine which is dirty and bloody

Red waters stain my still unclean hands

But clear waters still leave me muddy

So let me lay down in the sand under the half moon

If you can, please lay there beside me

Hand in hand, you're my anchor

Keeping me locked together in our sea

Oh dear, when your smokey eyes glare

You take my breath away

Because you replaced my oxygen with you

And make me sway

Janey oh darling, asking why

Sometimes you're sweet

But never nice

Never neat

Hugging the ground

I lay still

Let the grass cover me

In return I feed it well

Sink deeper in and I feel warm

Despite my company being the moon

Flowers sprouting from each of my limbs

I'm sure your favorite grows on me too

I woke up on my couch

Weird because I fell asleep on my bed

No wonder the morning makes me a grouch

I can't tell whats going on in my head

I ate cold steak for breakfast

I should have eaten my meds instead

Too late cause that time has passed

I have to leave my house before I'm dead

School is a loud and windowless jail

I change cells every hour

To stimulate freedom

But I'm trapped in this tower

I know you're cut and bruised

Hiding blue behind patches of cotton

Let me tell you "I'm hurting" too

I've said but you've forgotten

Mom and dad won't look your way

That makes you so sad you can see my eyes

I want to reach and touch your arm

But I've failed too many tries

I want to speak and let it spill out

But you've tightened my lid

You don't see you've screwed a cap on your month too

But I can't tell you, so who do I kid

Hiding from it all

Gold stains decorate my skin

My painted-on smile like a doll

Porcelain cracked from the words I spin

Beware of me and where I go

Because I'll splatter your skin gold

The shining marks try to prove I'm never alone

Despite the fact that my body should be cold

Love and hate never mattered

Both are yellow and both are lies

I was dropped and liquid leaked out skin shattered

The ambrosia that splashed attracted flies

Beware of me because I hurt what I care

Apathy was only melancholy and all it did was scold

My brain shut down in its own despair

The golden blots grew rotten with mold

Lost and confused little lamb

Wandering the unknown lands

Without her flock and no Sheppard in sight

She runs around without their hands

She wanted to explore and wanted to run

The lamb thought she was prepared

But she was too ready yet such a fool

Because when she was lost she was scared