Cast of characters

The Brainstormers:

Brainstormer 1 – "The Visionary"

Always full of big, ambitious ideas, constantly trying to pitch deep, complex, and often overly dramatic storylines. They think every idea needs a grand arc and complex character development, even for the simplest concepts. Frequently says things like "This needs to say something."

Brainstormer 2 – "The Overly Technical One"

Obsessed with structure and rules of playwriting, constantly quoting guides and templates for perfect play construction. They talk in jargon, suggesting detailed plot points like a machine. Often tries to stop the creative flow to talk about "the importance of the three-act structure" or "how we need more rising action."

Brainstormer 3 – "The Philosopher"

Loves to overcomplicate things by getting existential, constantly questioning the nature of creativity, writing, and even the meaning of words themselves. When asked about plot details, they’ll respond with something like, "But what is a character?" or "Is a play just a reflection of our inner turmoil?"

Brainstormer 4 – "The Pessimist"

Shoots down almost every idea with sarcastic and overly negative commentary. Constantly says things like, "That'll never work," or "This whole thing is doomed." They add a deadpan tone to the group, contrasting the overenthusiasm of others, which could be a great source of dark humor.

Brainstormer 5 – "The Wildcard"

A chaotic creative force, full of random ideas that make no sense within the context of the play. For example, when everyone is discussing a serious scene, they’ll suddenly suggest adding a dinosaur, or they'll pitch the idea of the entire play happening on the moon with no further explanation. Their ideas often derail the group’s train of thought in humorous ways.

The Background Actors:

Actor 1 – "The Confused One"

Struggles to keep up with the constant changes in ideas and characters. Their confusion is a source of comedy—constantly appearing in the wrong costumes or using the wrong accents. They ask for clarification but never get a straight answer, increasing their frustration and comedic impact.

Actor 2 – "The Perfectionist"

Takes their role way too seriously, even though they are constantly asked to change characters and perform ridiculous scenes. They attempt to "stay in character" regardless of how absurd the situation is, often leading to awkward moments when their serious delivery contrasts with the bizarre scenes unfolding around them.

Actor 3 – "The Overly Dramatic One"

Delivers every line and action as though it’s the most important scene in the world, no matter how trivial or comedic the moment is. They milk every emotional beat, turning even simple stage directions like "walk" into exaggerated displays of emotion. When things go wrong, they react with extreme frustration or melodrama, much to the audience’s delight.

Actor 4 – "The Resigned One"

At some point, they give up on trying to keep up with the brainstorming and changes. They start going along with the chaos with an "I don’t care anymore" attitude, creating comedic moments where they are visibly and humorously checked out, doing the bare minimum to keep up with the scenes.

Actor 5 – "The Physical Comedy Expert"

A master of physical comedy, constantly tripping over things, bumping into props, or messing up costume changes. They are the visual source of humor, frequently turning costume malfunctions or stage mix-ups into a full comedic bit

Scene

A writer’s room in Ottawa

Time

Present, mid-day

Setting: We are in a writer’s room in Ottawa. The stage is stripped down to a bare black box with but a table and chairs for the writers in stage center. The background actors initially located upstage have access to minimal props and costumes and flexible stage areas. There are movable platforms and spotlights for the characters.

At rise: ACTORS 1-5 roam around upstage, behind a table and chairs in stage center. ACTOR 1 seems lost, attempting to tie a clown shoe on one foot and a boot on the other. ACTOR 5 bumps into a table and stubs their toe.

Enter BRAINSTORMERSfive, in numerical order

BRAINSTORMER 1 (with passion, to BRAINSTORMER 3)

You must hear this! Truly original! Incomparably unique! Beyond compare! trailing off Unparalleled rarity! …

BRAINSTORMER 2 (while organizing papers)

Looks like I am the only one who came prepared…

BRAINSTORMER 3(existentially, to BRAINSTORMER 1)

But what is originality, really? Can anything be unique in the infinite web of interconnected thought and time?

BRAINSTORMER 4 (dramatically, clutching a notebook to their chest)

Ah, the weight of expectation. To create is to suffer. To share is to bleed!

BRAINSTORMER 5 (unenthusiastically, sitting down with a heavy sigh)

Let’s get this over with.

(ACTORS 1-5 stop roaming and stand ready, but unsure of what to do. They exchange confused glances. ACTOR 1 trips over their own shoes. BRAINSTORMER 3 lines up color-coded highlighters.)

(END OF SCENE)