Warm, Real, Bright
I guess it was fine, as far as school dances go. There was pizza, cheesy music, all the staples. I could tell that other people were having a blast. But I'd been standing against this wall for more than half an hour now, and no boys had asked me to dance, no girls had come over to gossip, and all in all, I'd been ignored.
There was no denying it. When it came to high school friendships, I was outside, looking envyingly in.
With a sigh, I pushed off of the wall and started to walk towards the door.
The theme was, predictably enough, 'Winter Wonderland'. The cut-out snowflakes that we'd been making since kindergarten dangled from the banisters, and streamers in white, blue, and gold criss-crossed from wall to wall.
I ducked and weaved through the sea of people, and they continued to sub-consciously pretend I didn't exist. I didn't know why I decided to come. I didn't have any friends during the school day- why should a dance be any different?
I'd allowed a ray of hope to come into my mind during the dance, but now the familiar brain-fog settled back in.
I nodded to the justifiably bored chaperon manning the ticket stand. I took my worn jacket out from under my arm and slipped it on as I stepped into the cold air.
Unlike the decorations inside, not a single snowflake was to be found here. A star or two could just barely be seen through the glare of the parking lot's lamps. I fumbled for the cell phone in my pocket, debating whether to call my mom to come pick me up. I decided I could wait a little longer. The hush outside the building was a nice contrast to the hullabaloo inside, and I was not eager to explain the events of the night to my mother.
My mother. Oh, my mother. She was, as she herself jokingly said, a veteran cheerleader. A retired pretty-girl. An aged Popular, expecting her daughter to continue her legacy.
Yeah. I decided my mother could wait.
I sat on a parking curb, facing away from the building. My breathing slowed as I made an effort to think of nothing in particular.
A few minutes later, when I was re-considering the cell phone, I heard soft footsteps behind me.
I turned, still sitting, and saw Jake What's-His-Last-Name. He looked awkward standing there, with glasses and clothes that somehow seemed to not fight quite right on his tall, thin frame.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey," I said, standing up.
"Too loud for you inside?"
"Yeah," I said quickly. A too-long pause. "And you?"
"It was getting... boring."
He looked at his feet and shuffled them around. He frowned slightly, and something about this gesture made my heart go out to him.
"Um... Can I show you something?" he asked.
Before I could answer, he continued, "It's this place I found not long ago, a huge tree stump a little up the road from here. You can totally see the stars, like, clearly. I just thought, if you came out here, you might want to see it."
Well. I had nothing better to do. I nodded.
"Great," he grinned.
He started walking.
I followed, and we started to talk, first cautiously, then casually, like we'd known each other forever. It still surprises me how much we had in common- we'd read the same books, seen the same movies, and had more or less the same opinions towards different people. We took out our phones and used them as flashlights, walking slowly down the road. A few cars passed.
We walked a little longer than I thought we would, but I was never bored or nervous. He was funny, much funnier than I'd expected, based on how few friends I'd ever seen him with. I barely stopped laughing the whole way. I glanced at the clock in the corner of my cell phone. Had it really been twenty-five minutes? I was just about to suggest heading back, when he broke off the road, jogged down a hill, and waved me over. Soon we were both standing on the stump, just wide enough for both of us, but not so wide that we weren't touching. I could see my breath in tiny clouds in front of me, it was so chill, but standing here with him, I felt, warm, real, bright. I didn't see what was so great about the place- tree stumps everywhere, a bulldozer off a little ways- until he instructed me to turn off my cell phone.
I gasped.
Rarely had I seen so many stars before. It was even better being here with someone so sweet- it was like the whole sky was new.
And there, away from everything, I felt the fog in my mind lifting again; hope shined through, and everything seemed clear.
He reached down and squeezed my hand. I squeezed back.
I leaned on him, and everything was different. Better.
I knew I was where I was supposed to be.