Secrets.

   A girl has a lot of them locked up. She will never let them out. She will keep her promises. Even then, she needs to get rid of the drama playing in her mind somehow. She can't let it twist her inside - she doesn't want to become her own worst nightmare: someone who gives secrets to others to hold. She has borne enough to know that this is the most difficult gift, one that can never be returned, taken back, only given again... So she finds an outlet that can hold such gift: the partnership of paper and flame.

   "There's a boy that I know who seems so sweet, so normal... He told me he has depression.

   "A girl in my homeroom has secrets surrounding her like fog: she's done drugs, she's stolen things, and she's lied... to the police.

   "Another boy, one I still have a crush on, got drunk and sent bad images - like really bad  - to a friend of mine... She spread the word around to everyone, and now I can't look at him the same way, but I still like him. I have no idea what to do.

   "A teammate of mine can't help but still have feelings for his ex, but she's a player. She basically told him to 'wait his turn.' That's horrible! I wish I could spread the word so everyone else is warned, but he told me not to tell...

   "My lab partner told me that she broke up with her boyfriend because she decided he wasn't popular enough for her. Personally, I think that's really low, but it's not my place to judge her.

   "My mother has been cheating on my father with our neighbor. I keep catching her walking from his house with her hair disheveled and her outfit crumpled, but I shut my mouth. Dad would be devastated...

   "My own secrets are few and far between, but the worst... it's truly worse than all I've ever had to hold for others. I could just write it out, set it in the flame, and be done with it all. I should; here goes. I'm done. I want all of it off my back. If anyone finds this other than the flame, don't bother looking for me: I'll be too far gone, too far away that no one will find me in this life. If anyone would need me that bad... they can find me in the next."

I am kicked around

And stepped on

And out of place

And always ending up in someone’s shoe;

Some days

I sink down

To the deep, dark bottom:

Lower than the lowest of the low

And feeling nothing but despair --

Sadness;

But then

I realize, despite all this

I am strong

And unbreakable

In the end.

They always say,

“Calm down, you’re fine.

It’ll pass, just ignore it.”

They always say,

“It’s such a little thing,

Nothing to worry about.

Let it go.”

They always say,

But they don’t really know,

They have no idea,

How it feels to be like this:

To be worried about simple tasks,

To be obsessed with planning ahead,

To be anxious about life far away,

To be concerned when nothing is wrong…

They always say,

But they don’t really know.

There’s a light on

Brightening my path

Guiding me to shore

Through the rocks and waves

All the way to port

There’s a light on

Except

There’s not

There’s always a listening ear

One to absorb the words

One to listen to the music

One to hear the stories

But also one to take in the hate

We make our lives the way we like them

Or rather we try

Sometimes it just doesn’t happen that way

It all just falls apart

Take a dear friend of mine for instance

We were very close

But she was the one with a solitary path

I liked company

There was confrontation between us

Neither side backed down

In the end there was harsh betrayal

I should have made peace

I was so, so mistaken, so wrong

It all just fell apart

Now daily I lay weeping in pain

I tried life my way

And it just didn’t happen like that

If there’s one thing I have learned

With the eyes of a mother

I can raise my daughter however I like

I can help her grow into a young woman

I can tame her wild spirit

I can kiss her forehead before bedtime

I can push her to her limits

I can mentor her through hard times

I can bandage her wounds

I can teach her all I know

But as she grows up

She will become independent

She will become her own self

She will become rebellious

She will become intelligent

She will become difficult

She will become beautiful

She will become hard to handle

She will become an adult

And I will become not a coach

But just a spectator

Sitting on the sidelines

Screaming, screaming,

All night long

To no avail,

As mother I must sit still.

Howling, howling,

Please just sleep

The night away,

Let fists just go softly slack.

Drifting, drifting,

Peaceful rest

Must quickly learn,

No more sleep for either yearn.

I’m holding on too long

You can tell

I’m sure

I just want to spend time with you

As much as I can before you leave

The time is approaching fast

And I’m terrified of what’s to come

I love you so much

And it’s my love that fills me with fear

You can’t stay here forever

I know

But I wish you could

I’m afraid that once you leave

You’ll leave for good

And I’ll never get to see

My little girl

Again