it can send me crumbling

down to the ground.

snapshots interlaced throughout

a perfectly good moment.

it strikes me,

voltages send me tumbling.

I chose to stay above ground.

do you hear me?

do you even understand?

I fell as Persephone did,

but we are free at last.

heaven is a place on earth

and the flowers follow me.

I chose to stay above ground

and I will stay through the winter,

giggling through rose fucking lenses

as I study every snowflake.

your memories linger,

like an infection,

a disease.

guess what, my Lord,

I found the cure.

There are four angels,

four heartbeats

that sleep soundly,

safely with me at night

whilst love calls my name

from countries over.

Internally I struggle

with the security,

the serenity,

the love I feel,

how foreign it all is.

For tonight,

I’ll sleep peacefully

knowing his lips speak my name

while I have sixteen other legs

with me in bed

until his return.

Joy pours out of me

as of late

It is raw and real

and unnerving

as I remember my arrival

to this place

as a stark contrast

Now I begin to digest

the absolute destruction

to one’s vulnerability

an absolute fucking psychopath

can have

I shiver as the joy pours out

shedding whatever remnants

remain of you

Rapid eye movements

brought on by my self

rewire pathways

and I am ungroomed

I taste saltwater

and I am laughing

but absolutely terrified

by this recycling of joy

being poured into me

then out of me

by the same hands

I have unknowingly memorized

in mesmerization

it is both

a blessing and a curse

to feel things so deeply.

cursed by his residue,

blessed by your presence,

I am learning

vulnerability once more.

And then there was me.

I watched my sandcastles

become overthrown with the tides,

crumbling all around me.

I ripped my own heart out

as I drove away from the only home

I ever really knew,

Hoping

Praying

there was purpose to it all.

The sun sets on us

once again

as the dogs curl up

under the truck bed.

I can’t recall

what we were laughing at

as I take your cold hands in mine

and blow into them.

One look from you

and I internally laugh at the sky

for maybe the fourth time

this week;

everything makes sense now.

I saw you and

everything was clear;

clearer than the mountain sky

you gave me,

clearer than the water

rushing under us.

Do you believe

in missing puzzle pieces?