On mother’s day, I live on a deserted island. Not just this year because of Covid-19. Every year since my birth. I sincerely mean it when I say, I hate to go negative. It takes every ounce of my being every day to smile, to stay positive when my childhood was literally a clusterfuck. My mother was an abusive alcoholic and let’s just say I was her hockey puck and leave it at that. I forgave her a long time ago, long before she died of alcohol related illness at 56 years old. I am a firm believer in moving on, in leaving the past behind, but as well, let there be no misunderstanding, child abuse leaves permanent scars.

As to your question, what would I do if she wasn’t there? I cannot give you a definitive answer, but I’d like to think I would have made better choices in my life.

I am proud to say, in spite of the person who gave birth to me, I raised three amazing children that love me. Our love is unconditional and yes, good children can be raised without lifting a hand to them. I can attest to that. So every year when I see posts that say let’s give it up to your Mom, I cannot personally jump on that bandwagon for mine, and that is okay, because there are a whole lot of moms out there that are the bomb and I salute them, one and all! Including, pat on back, myself!

P. S. I do not understand why this challenge does not have more entries!

At some point our roles reversed

With all the love in our hearts

We made it work

You held my hand

Then I hold yours

You guided me

Then I guide you

We were always inseparable

Now your passing has torn us apart

But only for a moment

“Never eye to eye,

but always heart to heart”.

That’s how my relationship with my mom has been. We argue over the most trivial things, have a difference of opinion on most matters, and it was only a few years ago that I realised how much she means to me.

My mom has shaped me in many ways- imparting a love for reading, encouraging me to participate in debate and quiz competitions, and exhorting me to strive for excellence in all spheres. She has been my biggest role model since I was a child. She did not cook for us very often (though when she did, the results would be finger-licking delicious), because she was busy at work. I can’t recall her telling us bedtime stories, but she set an example through her work ethic, unimpeachable integrity, courtesy and kindness. When she was transferred to another town for almost a year, I was shattered. My studies went for a toss. It didn’t feel like home without her.

I wouldn’t say that my mom is my best friend. There have been subjects, such as my mental health, that she either does not realise the gravity of or disagrees with me on. So I no longer tell her about these things. Yet, I cannot imagine a life without her. My cousin recently lost his mother and seeing his grief shook me to the core. I realised that I should be grateful for having my parents, and should be more loving. You see, my mom doesn’t just mean the world to me, she is my world.