A Truth Within A Lie
If I lied and said I didn't like him,
Would he still see the signs?
The truth behind that lie?
all i do is lie to him;
scream the hatred i feel into the void
tell him i wish he were gone from my life
but all i want
is to hold him close
is to whisper the love i feel for him over and over
until it is inherent to who he is
until he knows that i would do anything for him
but i can't.
i am bound by fate
to be his enemy
to hurt him over and over
and i can't change that.
and it makes me feel sick sometimes,
when i see the heartbreak in his eyes
i know he wants to say it too
"i love you"
a shout into the empty night sky
a sweet decleration under the covers
but it cannot be controlled.
and so i hope and pray and wish
that he knew i was lying
that all the harsh lies i spit out
cover up one beautiful truth.
Beauty isn’t skin deep
I wanted to feel beautiful
So I ate nothing but roses
So that I could absorb their beauty inside
And blossom outside
Their thorns tore my throat apart
And I died with roots entangled with my ribs
A cruel beauty, a beautiful cruelty, but left alone fair and with a brutally honesty and always of the balanced equation.
When I was a really little kid, (Think about 53 years ago) my parents took me to see a Disney nature film. They were fabulous especially to someone that had difficulty understanding human beings.
There was a scene in which a Lynx was chasing a Rabbit in deep snow. The Rabbit was using twists and turns keeping the Lynx to always just be missing to get claws into the Rabbit. Eventually the Rabbit got away and it seemed everyone in the theater breathed this huge sigh of relief and people cheered and clapped.
I sat there thinking but wait, the Lynx is hungry and it’s cold out.
I look out the window into my backyard that is covered with a perfect layer of snow. The snow is untouched and gives a level of peace. I sit here in my small room happy at peace with myself; knowing I have no struggles or troubles. I do not have to go to sleep, being kept up at night with all my worries and troubles.
Life is perfect and great. My struggles have been long since over. I look around my room, the place I consider home, and see myself. See the person I am. Not just the person I show others, but my true self as well. The true balance I have in life. The internal peace that keeps me well and happy.
I am capable of anything and I am not struggling in life. I am happy where I am and I slowly grow in all the best ways. I have the best people around me and my relationship with my girlfriend is wonderful and perfect. It is what everyone wants in a relationship. I could not be happier with my life and who I am. My future holds all the success of the world.
I wish this was all true, but the only truth in that is the perfectly laid snow in the backyard. The snow looks lovely and at the moment it brings me peace and happiness. Life is no easy task and puts me through hell, but I can wish and hope for it to be bigger. I can get kicked down, and kicked while I am down time and time again, but as long as I get up and keep moving forwards I have something. Once I stop moving forwards I lose what I have left of myself and lose it all. One must keep moving forwards even if it is one small step at a time. Once you stop, you have given into the other side--you have quit and lost. Do not do that. Keep moving forward.