Pierce saw the accident before it happened. He was not psychic and had no sixth sense, but he was observant and able to assess situations quickly.

Engaged in a heated discussion with his passenger, the driver was paying little attention to the road. A young boy struggled to keep his dog restrained as a group of youths hollered and beckoned it from the other side of the street. One of the gang stepped onto the road, increasing his calling of the German Shepherd. Outmatched by its weight, the dog-owner was pulled to the floor as his charge bounded out into the street. Reverting his eyes to the road at the last second, the driver acknowledged the witless canine and swerved.

Pierce leapt forward, pulling the fallen boy from the ground and throwing him to safety. The car caught Pierce on both thighs, pitching him onto the bonnet, over the roof and depositing heavily on the ground behind it.

*

Consciousness came and went in waves. Pierce experienced the next few hours in snippets of sound and vision.

A paramedic, urgently firing questions at him. The inside of an ambulance. Blaring sirens. A room full of doctors barking orders at one another. The sound of the ECG machine.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beeeeeeeee-

*

Pierce felt himself drifting toward a bright light. He was enveloped in its warmth and felt complete serenity. As he drew closer, and the light grew larger, so the heat increased. By the time the light had fully encompassed him, perspiration dotted his forehead and his armpits were damp.

He found himself lying on a hospital gurney in a room with one other… entity. Tall, dressed in tan cargo pants and a loose-fitting white linen shirt, sporting bare feet, the creature could have been human but for his dark crimson skin and the two curved horns which protruded from his head. His even teeth were a dazzling white and he had the softest brown eyes Pierce had ever seen.

‘Welcome,’ he greeted, his voice deep and confident.

‘Er… hi?’ Pierce said as he sat up.

The stranger grinned, almost blinding Pierce, and stuck out his hand.

‘I thought it best to meet you myself,’ he said as he pumped Pierce’s hand. ‘I suspect you’ll be a little shocked to be here.’

Pierce looked around the empty room. Pale green tiles covered the walls. Underfoot was a hard-wearing vinyl. Fluorescent lights overhead. Apart from the intense heat, he could have been in any room in any hospital in the world.

‘Where exactly is here?’

‘Come on, Pierce. You’re a clever guy, you can work it out. Do you really want me to mimic Mick Jagger?’ At Pierce’s confused expression, he continued, ‘Okay, but if you only hear woo-woos for the rest of the day, don’t blame me. “Please allow me to introduce myself.” I am the Devil.’

Deciding to ignore that ridiculous claim, Pierce instead addressed the one thing he had understood.

‘Mick Jagger? I’m afraid I’m not a Stones fan.’

‘Really?’ The red-skinned man said, looking genuinely shocked. ‘Well, that could be one of the reasons you ended up here.’

‘But where is here? Wait a minute…’ Pierce was slowly beginning to piece things together. He had died. He was in a place of high temperature. And hadn’t the man said he was the devil? As in: the Devil.

‘Am I in Hell?’ he whispered.

The Devil shrugged.

‘Some call it Hell, that is true. It’s also been dubbed Hades, the Underworld, Tartarus. The list goes on. Personally, I just think of it as my world.’

‘Hell?’

‘If the religion you subscribe to has instilled that name in you, I’m happy for you to refer to us by it.’

‘Hell!’

‘You see, this is why I wanted to be here to meet you in person. I expected you to be concerned with being here.’

‘But I shouldn’t be here,’ Pierce said, panic tainting his words. ‘I’m not a bad person.’

‘No, no, no,’ the Devil rushed, raising his hand defensively. ‘No-one’s excusing you of being bad. In fact,’ he added, looking at a clipboard which had materialised in his hand, ‘by the looks of your biography, you performed more good deeds than most.’ His eyes twinkled as he read an interesting item.

‘Aw, this is nice,’ the Devil continued. ‘It says here you adopted a lion cub, a tigress and a polar bear.’

‘Yeah,’ Pierce answered. ‘It’s just an annual subscription. Nothing major.’

‘Perhaps not, but it’s things like that which make me think you shouldn’t be here,’ the Devil said, the clipboard gone as mysteriously as it had appeared.

‘I shouldn’t be here,’ Pierce agreed empathically.

‘And yet… you are.’

‘It has to be a mistake.’

The Devil grimaced as he said, ‘Well, between you and me, clerical errors do occur from time to time. Joan of Arc came here. Lee Harvey Oswald, too, and I know he did nothing bad. And can you believe we didn’t get Addy Hitler till thirty-some years after his death?’

‘So what are you telling me? That Hell is as messed up as the rest of the world. I mean, the real world. I mean Earth.’

‘All I’m saying is that in any organisation of considerable size, it is understandable, nay expected, that mistakes will happen.’

As odd as it sounded, Pierce felt comforted by the thought that his afterlife could begin with a mishap. At least that gave him hope that he wasn’t going to be condemned to Hell for the rest of eternity.

‘How do I get this fixed?’ he asked.

‘First of all, we need to determine if an error has occurred.’

Pierce opened his mouth to interject, but the Devil lifted a finger to pause him.

‘I’ll get my people onto that straight away,’ the Devil continued. ‘I will warn you that it may take time to check. Records that need to be confirmed, calls that need to be made. We may even have to contact…’ The Devil leaned forward and whispered the next three words: ‘…the other side. But rest assured, Pierce, no stone will be unturned as we look into his diabolical situation.’

Pierce smiled. He felt encouraged by the Devil’s honesty and he was certain he would be good to his word.

‘In the meantime,’ the Devil said, leading Pierce to the door, ‘might I suggest you explore. Nothing is forbidden and nowhere is out of bounds. Wherever you wander, I will find you when we have this conundrum solved. Please, enjoy yourself in my world.’

*

Pierce was surprised at the scenery of Hell. He had expected rivers of lava, sheer-sided black mountains, a sky darkened with clouds of brimstone ash.

It was a pleasant surprise to find, just outside the door of the hospital room, sweeping hills of greens and yellows and oranges, all underneath a cloudless azure sky. A soft breeze cooled his brow. It smelled fresh and tangy, like the air after a thunderstorm.

How many people could see the land of Hell, and return to talk about it? Pierce wondered. This was a chance not to be missed, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Or perhaps, once-in-an-afterlifetime. Thinking that this cosmic error could very well make him the luckiest man to have lived, Pierce set forth and headed out into the valley.

After about an hour, he came across a man halfway up a hill. The man was as large as a tree, muscles rippling and gleaming as he wrestled with a boulder twice his size. He was below the rock and, inch by painful inch, he was rolling the behemoth upwards. Pierce watched in fascination as the man heaved and pushed. Tendons stood out so visibly, they threated to erupt from the man’s neck. The man grunted and cursed but did not relent in his mission.

By will and grit and not a small amount of sweat, he achieved his goal and fell down to rest beside the giant stone.

Pierce had read about the man and he knew what was coming next. He called out to warn him. Sisyphus waved at Pierce and beckoned him over. Running as fast as he could, Pierce was breathless when he arrived at the top of the hill, unable to speak.

Sisyphus grinned broadly at him as he moved behind the rock.

‘Parakolouthó,’ he said, but Pierce heard, ‘Watch.’

Pressing his shoulder to the boulder, the big man groaned as he pushed. The stone ball teetered… rocked… then began to roll down the hill. It picked up speed, rocketing away from them, thundering as it travelled.

Pierce look on in dismay, but all Sisyphus could say was: ‘Wheeeeeee.’

When the rock came to a rest at the bottom of the valley, Sisyphus hooted and clapped. Still smiling, he ran down toward the source of his joy and began to heave it up once more.

Realising that Sisyphus considered this eternal task a game, Pierce moved on.

The sun was still high in the sky, the wind gentle and cool, yet in the distance he saw an area cloaked in darkness. Intrigued, he headed in that direction. In time, he reached the line dividing day and night. In broad daylight, the sun warm on his back, Pierce took one step forward…

…into the midnight chill. Ahead of him, a small fire crackled. Behind him, the day reigned.

‘Is anyone there?’ came a rasping voice from the fire.

‘Hello,’ Pierce answered as he stepped forward.

‘Who is it Reep?’ said a second voice.

‘What is it Reep?’ asked a third.

As he drew closer, Pierce saw three squat forms sitting around a campfire. The flickering light cast dancing shadows over their green skin, bulbous noses and misshapen ears. Each of the small humanoids held a stick toward the flames.

‘Fellow goblins,’ announced the first voice, Reep, ‘we have a visitor. A human.’

‘Be nice, Nant,’ chimed the second voice.

‘I’m always nice, Ug,’ answered the third. By Ug’s laughter, Pierce believed this not to be true.

‘Come sit with us, human,’ Reep invited. ‘And pray you don’t frighten easily.’

Once Pierce had placed himself on the floor, Reep ordered, ‘Let him have it, Nant.’

Quicker than Pierce could react, the third goblin pulled his stick from the fire and thrust it toward Pierce’s face. Pierce glared at the smouldering cube before his eyes.

‘Marsh mellow?’ Nant squealed.

‘We’re telling scary stories,’ Reep explained as Pierce took the proffered mellow.

‘My turn,’ Ug said. ‘This one will chill your stomach and churn your bones.’

‘’M lis’nin’’ Pierce said around his mouthful.

‘There was once this boy,’ Ug started, leaning forward and lowering his voice. ‘He looked to be normal in every way. But beware if you’re ever invited around for tea. For you see, this boy ate…’

Nant covered his eyes while Reep looked at his friend with expectant horror.

‘…with his mouth closed,’ Ug finished.

While Reep groaned and Ug cackled with delight, Nant said, ‘Disgusting boy!’

Pierce stayed with the goblins for a few more tales, even throwing in one of his own – ‘bang, bang, on the roof of the car’ – before leaving them and returning to his travels.

*

Over the next months, Pierce wandered the lands of Hell, interacting with any creature he came across. He met a crooning harpy who performed an enchanting imitation of Frank Sinatra, a sandworm with a penchant for chess and a group of pirates who incessantly argued about which was Da Vinci’s best piece.

His saddest encounter was with a pair of young teens. The girl had a dagger protruding from her chest and whenever the boy spoke blood and white drool leaked from his mouth. Once in love, the couple now only bickered constantly with one another.

While walking through a vast vegetable garden, Pierce met a man who introduced himself as Hendricks. In life, Hendricks admitted, he had killed fourteen people and eaten a different part of each victim.

‘But back in my day,’ the murderer explained, ‘we didn’t have organic food, and vegetarianism was just a high-scoring word in Scrabble. Look around. I grow my own squash, carrots, tomatoes. Even got a corner dedicated just for herbs. Best thing I did, giving up meat. I’ve never been happier.’

*

One afternoon, the Devil appeared before Pierce. He wore a ruby business suit over a yellow shirt and a black tie adorned with musical notes of both colours. Still no shoes.

‘Hello there, Pierce. I trust you are well?’ he said with a warm smile. His eyes glistened like melting chocolate. Even his horns seemed to have more lustre than the first time they had met.

If anything, Pierce mused, the Devil had become more handsome over time.

‘I have to say,’ Pierce answered with a grin of his own. ‘This place is nothing like I had imagined. I was expecting fire and brimstone, tortured souls. I’m telling you, you get a really bad press back on Earth.’

The Devil shrugged humbly.

‘That’s only to be expected when the opposition is in control of all the literature. But enough of the trials of my own. I bring you news.’

‘Actually, I’ve been thinking. This place isn’t as bad as I was led to believe. Maybe it’s not wrong that I came here.’

Relief flooded the Devil’s face.

‘I have to say, that’s a welcome thought, because the news I bring is mixed. We found that an error had occurred, but not the one either of us considered.’

‘What has gone wrong then?’

‘This is going to be hard to hear.’ The Devil placed a comforting hand on Pierce’s shoulder and looked him directly in the eye.

Panic filled Pierce’s mind. What could be worse that being incorrectly placed in Hell? Especially after discovering the place was not evil or terrible?

‘You have come to the right afterlife. It is true that you belong in my world.’

‘That’s not so bad,’ Pierce said softly.

‘But you came too early.’

Pierce was silent as he tried to make sense of the Devil’s words.

‘Too early? What… how can that… I mean, I died.’

‘Technically, yes,’ the Devil agreed. ‘Your heart stopped for several minutes.’

‘So how can I be too early? I don’t understand.’

The Devil thought for a moment, then said, ‘You know how, when a person dies, the bereaved are sometimes heard to say, “They were taken too soon”?’

Pierce nodded.

‘Well, sometimes that’s the literal truth. It’s embarrassing to admit, but some Angels of Death have been known to be… premature in their roles.’

‘And what happens in those instances?’

‘The soul is placed back in its rightful body.’

‘I don’t want to go back in my body. It’s been a year. My body’s a rotting corpse.’

‘Yes, I know,’ the Devil soothed. ‘I’ve taken that into consideration. We’ve discussed allowing you to stay here but it would contravene so many rules and accords and, well, the truth is we can’t be seen to set a precedent in this matter.’

‘A precedent? But you said these things have happened before.’

‘And they have. But they’re usually caught within hours. I think the longest one on record was three days.’

Pierced sank to the floor in despair.

‘So that’s it then? You’re sending me back into a dead body? You’re going to turn my into a zombie?’

‘No, not at all. That would never do. I think everybody learned that lesson with Roanoke.’

‘So, what’s going to happen to me?’

‘I’ve had a conference call and, taking into account all the details of this highly unusual case, He has decided to allow you to go back to the time you died.’

‘He?’ Pierce asked, confused. The Devil raised one finger and subtly pointed at the sky. Pierced lifted his head and looked up. There was nothing there, just the pale blue of the perfect sky, stretching across the heavens.

The penny dropped.

‘Oh,’ Pierce acknowledged. ‘He.’

The Devil nodded silently. It was plain from his expression that he was uncomfortable speaking so directly about his former boss.

‘How do we do this?’ Pierce asked. ‘Is there a ritual, an incantation? Do I have to stand in the middle of a pentagram?’

‘Nothing so elaborate,’ the Devil answered. ‘All I need to do is snap my fi-’

*

Dr Xiang Hu wiped her brow and looked up at the wall clock.

‘Time of death, twenty-two sixteen,’ she announced.

Closing her eyes, she exhaled deeply. The past thirteen minutes had been spent trying to revive the RTA patient. Everyone in the room had given their best but sometimes, when it’s a person’s time, there isn’t anything the medical staff can do. Knowing this intellectually did nothing to quell the disappointment in her heart, however.

‘Good effort, guys,’ she said to the room, aware each one of the crash team would be feeling similarly. She motioned to a porter. ‘Take him away.’

The man stepped forward. He grabbed the gurney and began the journey to the morgue. As soon as he moved the wheeled cot, the body groaned. This was not unusual, Xiang knew, as shifting gasses within sometimes caused sounds or even movement.

What was not so common was for the body to sit up and scream.

*

Pierce stared at the wide-eyed people watching him and wondered which once of them was issuing the bone-chilling howl. Only when he stopped to breath in did he realise it was his scream.

A Chinese woman rushed to his side. With one hand on his wrist and the other at his forehead, Pierce knew she was manually checking his pulse and temperature. Concern creased her brow and darkened her eyes, but her voice was soft and calming.

‘Mr Thorne, can you hear me? Can you talk? What’s the last thing you remember?’

‘Hell,’ Pierce stammered.

Someone in the room gasped.

Pierce paused before he said anything further. He considered his options:

I was dead for a year.

I’ve been to Hell.

I met the Devil and he’s actually a decent chap.

There was no way he could tell the truth of his experience. Whichever way he could try to spin it, he would either be ridiculed or sectioned. The thought of lying was alien to him. He had always tried to be an upstanding person and that meant being honest in every situation, no matter what consequences may befall him.

But where had that gotten him? A lifetime of striving to be good and still he had landed in the Devil’s world. And he’d found that it wasn’t too bad after all. What had he been so afraid of?

Remembering the roomful of people who were anxiously waiting for him to speak, Pierce said, ‘Hell… of a job fixing me up, doc.’

It was his first lie. It was sinfully easy. The next one would be easier still, and the next. And why stop at untruths? he thought. If he was destined for Hell anyway, why should he deny himself the things he had always deemed taboo?

Life was going to be different from now on, Pierce decided. It was his life and he would make sure he benefitted most, even if it came at the cost of others.

*

The Devil smiled as he surveyed the lakes of fire, the mountains of madness and the multitude of other glorious grotesques that made up the landscape of his world. Agonised screams and cries of lament carried far on the parched and tainted air.

In his eternal war against the Host, souls were paramount. Some were untouchable by the Lord of Lies and some were given to him freely. He had long ago become unconcerned with saints and martyrs, or with murderers and paedophiles. Those people forged their own paths to their afterlives and no amount of influence, demonic or celestial, could derail any one of them.

The souls which were truly worthy of his attention were those of the humans who meandered through their lives. Those who wanted to do better, or worse, but lacked the conviction or motivation to make the change. These souls, the Devil knew, were the ones to tip the scales when the End Days came.

For centuries, he had used trickery and bargains to lure these hapless people to him. His powers of illusion were second only to one other. It had not taken much to convince Pierce that those fifteen minutes out of his body had lasted twelve months. Just as easy as it was to create a fake vision of green hills and blue skies, of playful goblins and singing harpies.

A few moments of his time, a blip in the millennia he had existed, and the seed of wickedness had been deeply sown.

In just a few short decades, the Devil thought, Pierce would arrive in the real Hell and he would see exactly how merciless it can be in my world.

It was 12:00 on a Tuesday morning when I climbed out of my bedroom window and marched across the lawn towards the front iron gate. I lived in a mansion, I dream to some but surprise surprise, I couldn't stand it. My father was a billionaire and so was my mother, they were also both snobs. It was amazing they met each other and had me, the small child who didn't like suits, wouldn't eat anything but bananas, and hated, I repeat, hated boarding school.

So here I was sneaking away in hopes I could get to the railroad station before five, the time my father woke up and the time everyone else had to be awake too. I have a good plan though or so I think, I didn't know it would end up killing me.

I did the math, I was gifted in math and it was my favorite subject, it would take me about fifteen minutes to walk a mile and the train station was twenty miles away, which meant it would take me three hundred minutes to get there. Approximately five hours, I would be there by the time my father woke up. I had bought a ticket yesterday and planned to arrive ten minutes before the train left the station. Leaving zero time for my father to find me. I only had to get past the front gait with a high of twelve feet, and iron fences ranging eight feet on all sides.

I made it to the front gate safely, no one in sight. The gate was locked from the inside and I had my lock picks with me, or for more literate people, a hair clip stolen from my moms dresser. I started to pick the lock and was just about there when a light turned on in my fathers room and the window opened... There was a yell and a scream that must have been my mothers. A shot gun sounded. I realized I was only a dark human shape at the gate, and the way my father had glass after glass of wine last night, I was probably a monstrous looking shape none the less.

In the rush of noise I dropped the lockpick into the grass, I dropped to my knees and searched but I had no luck, I started scrambling at the dirt under the fence, just as the front door to the house opened. The dirt was weak and to my luck the fence didn't extend into it, I made a whole my small shape could fit through and wiggled to the other side. I turned back to look as I climbed to my feet. It was a mistake. The gun was staring directly at my chest.

I swayed to the side like my eldest sister had taught me, she was a bookworm and claimed to have learned fighting from heroes themselves. Percy Jackson, Greybeard Halt and Will treaty, Magnus Chase, the Hardy boys and so on. Now back to my regularly scheduled death. I swayed but I wasn't fast enough.

I felt a searing pain in my left arm, my vision seemed to narrow to a long tunnel, and my breathing slowed, Holy sugar plums, I'M DYING. Then I epicly died.

P.S. DRUM ROLL PLEASE, I will now let you in on a very important secret. I...am...not...

"Welcome to Hell, I'm Hell, It is nice to have you in Hell!"

My eyes opened to darkness and I could feel my lips move. Could it be? I'm not-! Nope Hell lady ruined it. I frowned at the human like shape in front of me, which was jabbering on, the word Hell popping up at least once in every sentence.

"Ms. Hell lady, Where am I?"

"Why your In hell. Hell is awesome don't you think? Now you shall be punished in Hell for killing yourself."

"But I didn't, my da-"

"Quite in Hell! Put this on." She snapped and a very, very bright pink dress was in her hands.

"Excuse me?" I asked not listening, I was wondering why she was able to say a sentence without Hell in it, I mean shouldn't that be required? That she was supposed to say Hell? I mean she is Hell in Hell? My brain focused quite suddenly and I brightly said "Why? It goes against my gender and It is pink, a very bright ugly pink. If you hadn't noticed."

"Of course I didn't notice, I'm color blind." She snapped again and an even uglier pink dress was in her hands. "You can wear this instead." She thrust it at me.

"Not happening." I turned around and started to walk off into the darkness, but Hell lady didn't seem to like that and suddenly I was staring into her beady black eyes, the wind rushing past my body much closer than it needed to be. I looked around for something to cover up with, there was nothing. My cheeks turned as red as my mom's plum colored lipstick.

"You have twenty seconds to put this on or you will spend the rest of your time like this." She waved a wormy hand at me, then turned around and started to count. I climbed into that dress as fast as I could.

She turned back around and smiled cruelly at me. "Good. Welcome to Hell!" She threw her arms open wide and I was suddenly sitting on a wooden chair, my arms hooked to the sides.

I wiggled but couldn't move anything but my feet, which hung an inch off the ground, that was a good thing, there was bubbling lava underneath of me,

A bright light flashed and I was suddenly staring at a tv, only it wasn't animal kingdom or even Sofia the first. It was me kissing Susan Anne of the school bus last year. I hadn't realized the school bus cameras had picked up on it. The image changed suddenly and now it was my nemesis, Bill Grad kissing her while kids pointed and laughed at me all beat up behind them.

The scene changed again to me throwing a dull pencil at Grad and the teacher yelling at him instead. Then it changed to him throwing a pencil at me and the teacher smacking my hand with a ruler, I could feel the pain.

The tv flickered on and on until I was on the verge of panic and tears, then Hell appeared, she was standing on the lava, it had to be giving her hot feet.

"There are many illusions in life, you are either right or right, yet you pick and don't give." A remote appeared in her hand and she changed the channel on the tv. "Now watch the news. You will want to see the truth."

She disappeared again and this time the tv came with noise.

"Fifteen year old boy killed at the hands of his father, we are told that the father did not recognize the boy standing on the other side of the mansion's front gate after squeezing out through a hole underneath it. Police state that the boy's father was drunk at the time and vision was affected."

"We were also told," Stated a second reporter, "that the boy was clearly trying to escape when shot at close range in the arm, barely missing his heart. He was rushed to the hospital and was found dead on arrival, it has hardly been fifteen minutes but a crowd is gathering and we will be closing out. Stay tuned for more news with station 58!"

So that was it, I thought. I was dead and would have to stay in Hell forever, it already seemed like I had been here for half a year but I don't know how that is possible.

A stack of newspaper appeared in my lap and my hands were freed, I picked up the paper and started to read, but the words blurred together.

"Found dead.... Drunk father guilty, Mother dying of heart ace...Funeral to take place on sunday...Shot in arm...Escapee..."

I hadn't realized my death had affected my mother so much, she was a soft woman but I knew she had loved me. Still it shouldn't have hurt her so badly. If she was dying I had to find a way back to earth, back to life, back from Hell.

I climbed out of the chair, wincing as my feet touched the lava floor but it didn't burn, it was just warm. Another illusion, I thought, I wonder what else is illusions here. The tv changed again and I saw myself lying on a bed, my hair parted neatly, my eyes closed. I gasped as an idea hit me.

I ran towards the Tv and slammed through it, there was a door on the other side but unlike the lava illusione, breaking the Tv hurt. I groaned and clenched my stomach then I continued onward, through the doorway.

The doorway led to a tunnel of course and that tunnel led to getting smaller and smaller until it was scratching my sides and I had to bend over to half my height. Just as I thought I would be stuck in the tunnel forever it widened again until I was standing in what seemed to be a large room, staring into blinding light.

"Do thou wish to return to terrible world of living?" Asked a heavenly voice.

"Um yes, thou do wish to return to the awesome world of living." I said.

"Terrible world."

"Awesome world."

"TERRIBLE WORLD."

I was slammed into a wall as the voice boomed powerfully, I wasn't going to mess any more with a decapitated voice.

"Do you surrender?"

"Yes I do."

"Name for return to the world?"

"Zachurias." I said then I thought, I never liked my name, could I turn it into anything I wanted?

"It is done."

I sighed, I missed my chance, but in a flare of light even more blinding I woke up screaming in my normal clothes and body. It was a relief, but it was also scary how there were two nurses laying on the floor like they had been knocked out and a doctor was staring at me like I was dead. Which I clearly wasn't.

"But... But... But..." The doctor fainted too.

I climbed off of the bed and shook my hair back to its regular position and then snatched my shoes from a table, "Thank you very much." Then I walked out of the room, I could plan my epic escape for a day when dying wasn't highly predictable.