"I don't love you," he said lazily, as if I were just some other girl that he would pretend he loved, and then moved onto another plaything. Another star-struck, heartbroken girl.

I clenched my fists. "What? After all these years? You say you don't love me, the DAY BEFORE OUR WEDDING?"

He shrugged. "Last minute thoughts. Sorry."

"What!" I exclaimed again. "You jerk! I thought you loved me! I--I loved YOU. I thought you were kind, until the last year, when you started acting like this. But then, I decided to give you another chance. I shouldn't have! I should have left you on the spot!"

He let out a laugh. "I don't see you leaving me now, sweetheart."

"Don't call me that!" I screamed. "I HATE YOU!"

"Are you always this much of a prick?"

Streams of tears were flowing down my face. "I'm heart broken, and you ask that? Of all questions! Ugh!"

"Well, you see," he said, grinning, "most of my girlfriends weren't as... Ah, feisty as you are. Before marriage, when I told them I did not love them, they'd just break into sobs. But YOU... You're different."

"How many future wives did you have?" I snapped. "How many heart breaks did you cause?"

He counted on his fingers. "One, two... Five... Nineteen... Hmm, thirty, including you."

I was blazing with fury. "I think I'm going to kill you," I said calmly.

"What?" His eyes widened. "Hey! What?"

"You've caused too many heart breaks. I'm going to kill you. If you're nice, you might just get a quick death," I said.

He nodded quickly, and took out his phone. "Uh, 911," he muttered, "yeah, there's this silly girl--Yeah, trying to kill me--Uh, no, I did not provoke her--Yes... Please come quick."

Silly girl.

Silly girl.

Silly girl.

I groped around my pocket for my pocketknife, and then started slowly toward my ex.

He was sweating, that I could see. He blubbered, "H-hey, there. You'll get arrested, you kn-know. Um... Um!"

I pinned him up against the fence. "I hate you," I hissed. "But I did love you, before, so I'll give you a quick death. Consider yourself lucky, jerk." I plunged my knife into his skull. Blood poured into his eyes, nose and mouth. I gave his bloody lips one last kiss.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I don't love you." No sooner were the words out of my mouth than a bright red pump zoomed centimeters by my head. *That was a close one,* I thought to myself as I dodge its pair, this one ranging a bit wide.

Her shriek could have broken glass, but it didn't. As it was, I was pretty sure the dogs down the street were howling in pain, and said so. She shrieked again, this time coming at me with her nails, as if they were claws. "God! Are you always this much of a prick?" She stops her advance and snatches up her bra instead, shaking it at me. "I make love to you, open my heart to you, and you tell me it's just sex? What the fuck, asshole?"

Okay, she's getting a little crazy on me now. I think it might be time to call in the reinforcements. I hide my phone behind my back as I autotext my buddies my 911 code. I've had to use it a few times before, so I can do it without looking now. And it's come in handy, too. "Hey," I say, thinking to calm her down. "I'm sorry if you got all riled up, but I never said we'd get married or anything. I've already got a girlfriend."

This, apparently, was not the right thing to say. "I think I'm going to kill you," she whispered as she froze, her eyes wide and her tone low. "I'm going to fucking kill you." And then, just as calmly as she said it, she knelt down by her bedside table, opened a drawer, and took out a gun. A very large, loaded gun.

"Wait!" I yell. "Just wait a sec--"