I used to dream in lucid's damaged threads. Always confusing nightmares with loveliness. As I dangle fragilely from broken chandeliers which snap sending me collapsing through the worn wood floors and old base boards.

I watch silently as light and darkness begin to dance in a struggle. They swirl and melt in a graceful ballet just for me. A never ending battle fought over eons neither ever winning nor losing. I watch as time stops, and it begins to rewind and fast forward through endless cycles of daydreams and reality. Countless memories blurring with unknown fantasy. Temporarily or permanently will my sanity sleep? That is not a question for me to decide. So I again close my eyes as the moon sweet talks to me. Whispering its solemn lullaby. Making promises it can't possibly keep. Begging me to sleep under the skies that are void of stars. Cloaked in pure darkness. Saying it will be all right if it is just for tonight. So I lie to myself that it's only one time - the last time. As the shadows reach for me. Pulling me into their keep. The red strings of fate tie and bind my wrists and feet and I float like a balloon. A marionette on a grand stage with the Devils hands managing the play. A beautiful display in my mind as I stare at the decadence and luxury my demons have brought to me as gifts for my loyalty. There is no loneliness, no emptiness, no sadness here. But the speaks only moon lies, as I open back up my eyes to see the dirty filth which now surrounds me. Decrepit and decaying as my life falls to ruins. The passage of time watches as the walls peel its skin and the darkness sets in.

I bath in the sunlight only momentarily as it begins amplifying the sickness. The weight of the void my sins have created are too overwhelming here. Threatening to show the world my blackened teeth. Truths mirror pointing a finger as it shows what kind of person I have become. I try to deny it. Shutting my eyes tightly. Willing it to be different every time I open them back up. But it's not. Instead it is worse every time the light shines. Realizing I am laying broken on the floor in rags. A skeleton of what I formerly was. Yet the sun still begs me to cut the umbilical cord which feeds my need. Promising a recovery which will allow me to see the beautifulness of reality. But the light is much colder than the grips of hell. So I sink deeper under its spell. Until the light dims and fades into the blackness of the night and there is no longer a need to open my eyes. Because that world has crumbled and fallen away. As I lay in a perpetual state of failing. A never ending dance with the devil as I enter my final resting place. Forever forgotten by the light of the world.

"I used to dream," the old man would say. The employees never cared. They're here for a paycheck, "Okay Sir, would you like some water," they would say. The old man would let go of their arm, realizing again and again nobody cared. I've watched this man, from time to time. I lay curiosity on his life, but the medicine numbs him of his past to the best it can. The water offered by employees is roofied with K/O meds. The other elders fear him, he gets crazy at the most random times. "I used to dream." That's his starting sentence every time. Nobody cares to hear the rest, nobody wants his knowledge or wisdom. I was once asked to fill the water and drop the med, to which I secretly didn't. I watched him carefully. He rolled his wheelchair to a certain window, a window nobody ever gaped. With it's awkward view of the graveyard, where these men and women knew they will be moved to very shortly. He looked to a specific spot, nowhere else in the graveyard. Sometimes I want to let him free, watch where he flies, but like all others; I'm here for a paycheck. Losing this job, and I have to move out of town. So I stay posted, watching the old man wonder in a world of lonely depression. I've even gone through his paperwork, a very noble man. Was once a MLB player, served in the military, lots made him out to be an American hero. I would rest my case on he is sad to be forgotten, but the puzzle pieces still fail to make a picture. He had a wife, they entered this home together with locked hands. She died a week after, put into the certain area the old man always watches. That doesn't quite solve his absence of dreaming, though. After his gawk to the window he rolled into his own room. I wanted to give him space, but I was told to pull him back out here. I'm here for a paycheck. I strolled into his room, this place I've never seen before. He had pictures hung up, what seemed to be his kids and grandkids, whom never shown up. Two weeks after he entered, I was put in charge to inform them of their accident; putting them all to an end. They were not in the graveyard, they were mistaken for a hitman, burned alive and pushed down a swamp beach. I, of course, didn't tell him their causes of death to that such detail, he just knows they're deceased. He has a daughter, still alive, but she's been in a federal prison for assisted suicide many years before this man came here. The old man, sitting in his room, would gawk wilted flowers. Given to him by, I believe, a friend from his military squad. He looked at it as if he had a dream, a dream which he never had of will fulfill. I told the old man he must go back to the main room, to which he unlocked his wheels to be pushed. I pulled the wheelchair back, to which he whispered things I pretended to not hear. "I failed my men." "I've lost my family." "My goal is unreachable."

"Boy, I used to dream."

I used to dream. That was before I met you. Perfection is how I could describe you. You were tall, had brown hair, light skin, beautiful hazel eyes that almost looked gold. You almost looked like an angel from heaven. When you walked into a room everyone turned just to look at your beauty. At night my every thought was consumed by you. Your perfection. After meeting you, never again did I dream. I would stay awake night and day thinking of the angel I could call mine. You scared away my demons but brought upon me a curse. The nights I did sleep I saw nothing but your face. No dreams, nothing, just your face staring at me. That smile, that jaw line, your eyes, your voice was all I saw. I never wanted to do anything else but be in your arms. Nothing else was important to me anymore, just you. You had me wrapped around your beautiful fingers. The ones that touched me so tenderly. Craving you lips that kissed me like I mattered. Hungry for those eyes that looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. With you I feel wanted, loved and like I'm unique in a good way. You are the reason why I get up ever morning. I wake up everyday for you and just to see you. See how your reaction instantly changes once you see me. How I become happier when I just hear your name. Or smile like an insane person when I see you. Every text from you makes my heart skip a beat. You make me the happiest person alive. Never would I have thought I'd meet someone like you. So perfect and amazing making me fall in love with every word that comes out of your mouth. Words that sound like silk as they roll off your tongue and out of those beautiful rosy pink lips. Each giving me chills down spine. How did I live without you for so long. Without you now I feel so empty, so alone and so incomplete. I need you by my side. Without you I can't breath. You are my oxygen, almost like a drug. I cannot live without you. Yes I am very dependent of you but only because I have never loved someone like I love you. No one has ever given me the love always give to me. All those before you can't compare to you. You are way better. For you I would give up anything to make you happy. You are worth every sacrifice I make. They seem unimportant when competing with you. Nothing could ever be better than you are. Nothing IS better than you are. Everything is useless compared to you. Even dreaming is something that I will never regret giving up because it gave me you. The man I love and will always love. You are my necessity. My air, my water, my food and my love.